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Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment

6/16/2022

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Sequel to "Sex Sells..."

So, why I decided to set up a second date after all that makes me wanna pound myself! Is it "just a little crush" or am I delusional and bored?
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For The Cake
  • 1 cup shortening (because Prince Charming came up short)
  • 1/4 cup margarine, room temperature
  • 2 3/4 cups granulated sugar
  • 5 eggs (have my standards cracked?)
  • 3 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
  • 1 cup Orange Crush soda (Kel loves orange soda. He do he dodoDO)
  • 1 teaspoon orange zest
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
For The Orange Cream Cheese and Frosting
  • 1/4 cup margarine (he did not fall in the margins of what I knew I deserved)
  • 1 (3-ounce) package cream cheese (calling a girl beautiful isn't cheesy)
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 teaspoon orange zest
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla

    DIRECTIONS
  • Preheat the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. Grease the bottom of a 10-cup capacity tube pan and coat with flour.
  • In a large mixing bowl, beat together shortening, margarine and sugar at medium speed until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, until well-combined.
  • Add in the soda alternately with the sifted flour. Beat until smooth and lump-free. Stir in the orange flavoring and vanilla extract.
  • Pour the batter into the prepared tube pan. Bake for 1 hour and 10 minutes, or until the top is golden, and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
  • Flip the pan over onto a wire rack. Let the cake cool inside the pan for about 10 to 15 minutes.
  • Meanwhile, prepare the frosting. In a large mixing bowl, beat together margarine and cream cheese at medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
  • Add powdered sugar, orange flavoring, and vanilla. Beat until the frosting is smooth and spreadable.
  • Loosen the sides of the cake with a knife and release it from the pan. Spread frosting over the warm cake.

Date 2 was brunch and I had no hunch he was gonna ghost ME!

This date he was less sexual and more focused on how his friends used him ....
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Doesn't quite seem like his preppy color or style but the lyrics sure fit. Well, apparently I was "counseling him" at the first bar and then at the second one, I had more conversation with the bartender than him. He just wasn't feeling it and I was quite frankly okay with it.

My midrift top attracted attention from an older guy at the bar probably because he doesn't feel his beer belly could make the same impact. You know what older guy at the bar on a Sunday afternoon? It's your body and it's significant because it belongs to you! 

....not that he's reading this but.... just putting that positive body juju out there. After the date, the rain rushed us into his pristine Jeep and he drove me home. This time I reached for his hand but the connected had fizzled. I'm quite familiar with this part of dating. The fun and newness had already worn off and this is probably the last time I'd hear from him. Well, I at least I wasn't the one to do the breaking...
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Nearly a month AND A HALF later, I received a text:
hey.

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Sex Sells But I Don't Have Venmo

6/16/2022

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I used to think being called cute is an insult. It's a "safe" compliment. It is also a common compliment for puppies and babies. BUT, it's preferred to sexy. I've only come to this conclusion THIS last week of April. I'm surprised my eyes haven't rolled into the back of my head. 

We'll start with the guy I was going out with when Mr. Blues Clues from last post texted me about "adding to the party" completely oblivious to the fact that I was not playing pool in a t-length dress 42 minutes from my house for "fun." This guy we will call Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment.

This guy was more attractive in person than pictures and certainly carried himself as such. His eyes scanned my thin, pencil shaped dress several times before the words "wow, you look great" fell out his mouth. The typical banter commenced as I sipped on his southern accent that didn't match his face and a chocolate rum drink shaken, not stirred. He bought the bartenders a round and referenced his friends that kept illuminating his phone. "Everyone is trying to hang when I'm in town" he explained.

"God, you're so hot," he muttered as I rolled my eyes. Speaking of rolls, cue waitress stage left with our sushi rolls. He picked at his plain California rolls, eating only 4 pieces by the time I had consumed my complex order that claimed to be spicy, yet to no avail. 

"Let's go play poooool." He pleaded with emphasis on the double o's almost like a Brit.

"In this dress?" 

"Yeah, why not?"

Another eye roll and I was on my way to his souped up black Jeep in which he opened my door for me. *Tallied 1 for the visitor team* But then, removed the tally with his music selection. It was a playlist of rap "munchies" as I heard my younger sister refer to them once. Kodac Black and other young voices I'd never heard of. I had no concern he would keep driving and take me somewhere dangerous, never to return even though now I was miles from my car in a city 48 minutes from my house. I guess this comes with dating for 6 years. WOW that long. Jeez.

He leaned in once he parked and I was curious how this one would feel. There's something about a first kiss that is thrilling. So many questions to be answered. Will it be sweet? Will it be slow and intentional or sloppy and hurried? What about the size of his lips-- mine are small so I need ones a bit more robust. Will he use too much tongue? Will he use it or park it in my mouth like it's a garage? As the thoughts flooded, so did the memory that we had kissed before.

Rewind 2 nights. 
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His messages were persistent. We had conversed on snapchat from a mutual swipe on FB Dating (the most effortless dating app to initiate when plastered) but it never formulated into meeting. He claimed that he usually "drops" people that don't make time to meet up but there was "something different about you and I don't know why."

Color me NOT flattered. That's more of a line than the yellow ones on 35E. 

I don't know if it was the peanut butter whiskey I was sipping or the loneliness that kept calling but I gave him my address and my bed time so he knew he had approximately 90 minutes to converse with me and then skedaddle. 

.....guess his country accent was rubbing off on me. It was much more pronounced in person and I loved the contrast. He dressed preppy and clean cut but had a country twang and a smirk that made one part of your brain wonder... 

Banter was instant and after a few hugs, he lifted me and leaned in. I held my breath and wasn't disappointed. His lips were much bigger than mine (kinda pouty) and admittedly softer than mine. I shewed him out of my house before it got too steamy and he hounded me about "a real date" until I said yes the following Thursday. 
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BACK TO CURRENT DAY:

The kiss came with his right hand on my left hip. I leaned in and enjoyed the big lips that made mine feel almost held, embraced. We stayed there for just a moment and then my hand fell into his fairly small but significantly darker hand and we made our way to the busy brick bar. The energy poured onto the street as we walked the stairs inside. I saw a sea of green across the open floor plan of the bar with Stars fans energized with the second period in full swing projected on the front wall of the bar. 

My date led me to the bar ordering himself a jack and coke while I took a chance with a strawberry daiquiri. I figured I should stay with rum and I was still kinda hungry from the sushi so I figured the drink could meet me halfway. We made our way to the pool table where he broke the balls? I am very unfamiliar with pool terminology here.... I'm much better with swimming pools. lol I have lessons I'm giving today, actually. Pool beans. 

When I leaned to aim the  cue ball toward one of the solids, I felt his eyes. I looked back and a lustful look was plastered on his face. I was actually surprised it was not complete with drool, that's how deep this look was. 

"Can I help you?" I blurted, popping my hip out and greeting it with my fist, creating a triangle with my arm.

Stirring, he shrugged. "You could."

Agitated, I pushed the issue. "What? You don't want me to be attracted to you?"

Taking a step back I replied, "yeah but there's more than just looks..."

"You're so hot," he said, stepping toward me. I retreated to the other side of the pool table and took my shot and missed miserably... I guess like him.

I sipped the worst daiquiri I've ever had, even pre-21 years and used that as my break from the tension he was single-handedly created. Begging the bartender to make ANYTHING else, I apologized and slipped him a couple dollars cash. I returned to my lustful date with Jameson Orange with a splash of soda. I played off his blunt stares and played the game.... and pool too.

We played one more game and then agreed to go back to other section of bars where my car was awaiting me respectfully, not lustfully. I could hear the guy on Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment's phone say, "yeah it's me and you know."

My date replied, "oh your girl?"

"Not really," the guy on the phone responded. 

Oooo I could not wait to get out of here. "Okay, we're headed there." He closed out his tab and then grabbed my hand and led me to the door. I mentioned work tomorrow and my long drive and he tried to coax me to stay. Once he closed my car door and he secured himself in his, is when he said it.
​"You know, I usually don't talk to girls that don't sleep with me on the first date."

I looked at him like he just blew out my birthday candles and sneezed on the cake.  
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"Then I'll happily get out when we get to my car."

"No, but don't you think that means something that I'm still here with you?" For some reason, he took my dumbfounded face as permission to proceed. "I mean I have so much fun with you but sex is important eventually."

"This is our first date and I'm just not that kinda girl," I barked.

"I'm just saying you should take that as a compliment. Girls approach me all the time and I am staying with you even though you don't want to do that." And as if this statement wasn't repulsive enough, he continued with "there's just something about you."
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Upon getting to my car, a panic attack commenced. 

I would like to say that this next part is shameful and I should either omit it or have reconsidered sharing this entire story but it wouldn't be datesandcakes if I didn't tell the whole story no matter how it makes me look. Here comes the unbelievable response to the whole situation..... dun. dun. DUNNN.

He refused to leave me with the panic attack happening. "What can I do? I don't want you to drive like this." I tried to explain that my attacks have no triggers and no estimated duration. He asked if I wanted him to sit with me and said he didn't care his friend was waiting so I nodded.

He sat in the passenger's side of my best friend's ride.... oh wait, that's a song. He sat on my passenger's side and I KISSED HIM. WHAT THE GREAT SCOTT, MARTY IS GOING ON?

The heaviness and struggle with my breathing continued so I took breaks and then told him I just needed to get home. The panic rode home with me and sat on my chest for hours before I could fall asleep.

I wanted to end this post with hot independent girl energy saying, This is the only "Sale" I'm on:

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But... I waited a few attempts until agreeing on a second date (third meeting) with Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment. Stay tuned for part 2 and the recipe.

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Belong

4/29/2022

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"God doesn't bless where you don't belong"

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I'm a SUCKER for the story. Another guy I met in real life.

  1. Boy bought a drink from this "hottie" from a VIP bar at the Fast and Furious Car Show
  2. Girl flirted back 
  3. Guy FINALLY asked for her contact info
  4. Girl offered email and then gave 9 digits of her number
  5. He texted two hours later.... so it begins.....

Flirty banter, per usual. But looking back on the convo, it was really little effort on his part...

He used one of MY messages as a segway to set-up a date. Hmm... Humorous part is I was leaving a date when he inquired if I was still out.

I informed him of my double the next day and asked, "who said I wanted you to crash my party?"

He assured me it would be adding to the party.

"Shhhyeah, but it is crashing the party if it's a date. For all you know, it could have been." 
#guilty 

He used  THAT as his opportunity to ask me out!!! "Maybe Friday evening we can't do that?" I had to ask for clarity and he indeed asked me out.

Sure, I'm not an innocent party here but then again, I was honest... he just didn't believe me. *shrugs*

He picked a place for us to meet. Didn't even offer to pick me up. CLUES?

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 So how does a lady respond to that?
Well she get's her best friend to drop her off and she pregames, of course! 3 shots of vodka in on an empty stomach and I strut up the alley.

Bowling alley that is.

He said I looked beautiful and put our name on the bowling list. We made our way to the bar for MORE drinks. It was 8pm because he had just gotten off work so I know he didn't have time to eat. After our second drink at the bar I asked, "are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Well I'm gonna have to eat soon with drinking. I had a couple shots before I got here," I confessed.

He laughed. "Cause I took so long? Yeah, we can eat after this."

If this "clue" wasn't enough, he didn't wait for a romantic moment or comment, he just leaned over and kissed me. Drunk me kissed him back and lingered. *facepalm*

After sweeping the lane and striking my 6'2 date out.... errrr sparing some time to show him how to bowl. I asked where we were getting nourishment and if he could give me a ride home. 

He said he didn't mind the place we picked was 3 minutes in the opposing direction of my house and then we got a booth. More kissing commenced and he revealed his 10 year relationship that ended 3 years ago. 

Things still seemed to be moving along. Hand holding, he didn't get my door, but I was still into it. Also, I was still inebriated. 8 shots of vodka, whiskey, and vodka redbull will do that to ya ;)

Outside my house was where my puzzler got sore. He..... hope there's not sensitive ears here.
He bent me over his car and pressed against me like a thumb to a stamp on the corner of an envelope. One large hand tugged at my hair while the other lightly gripped my neck. His tongue found my neck and just when my breathing quickened he backed up.
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Gasping for air I turned my whole head, staring at him blankly. 

"I have to work tomorrow at 6am."

"Wow, you're a tease." He smirked before I could say, "wow, that's what this feels like." I scoffed and turned toward the gate outside my house. I muttered a wish of safe travels and luck for his shift tomorrow and I punched my number into the gate while he backed up. I don't even think he checked to see I made it into the house before peeling onto the road. 

Texted me two hours later "I'm home" when he only lives 40ish minutes away. 

From there, the conversation was about the business he had ahead and friend he was picking up from the airport. I can't be jealous if it was a girl but that was when our convo ended.
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^^Even his mailbox has a red flag!

I guess all do but... I liked him :((

I asked God if this boy was just going to hurt me, to remove him from my life. 

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"And he did."

Tried to ghost me but since I'm a grown-ass woman, I demanded explanation. I got: "Sorry I've been hard to reach. They gave me a HUGE job to do this week and I only have 4 days to do it. So I've been. Working my little but off!"

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Not gonna correct the grammar or point out that a text message takes all of 58 seconds; I'm just going to take Blue's clues and God's answer to my prayer.

​But, before I blue-skadoo.... here's sweetness to ease the blow of not following Blue's Clues sooner:

2 cups blanched almond flour
1 cup creamy almond butter
½ cup maple syrup
1 tsp. vanilla extract
½ tsp. cinnamon
freeze-dried blueberries
sprinkles
  1. Combine ingredients aside from last two
  2.  Roll into balls
  3. Decorate with blueberries and sprinkles.​
​
https://www.nickelodeonparents.com/these-blues-clues-you-cookies-are-all-bark-no-bake/
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Mr. Trucking to Bucking

4/24/2022

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Season: Winter 2022
​ Location: Arlington, TX
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Mr. Trucking to Bucking was quick-witted and flirty and direct. All qualities that peaked my interest but inevitably lead to his downfall. Our first date, after weeks of phone calls and humorous story ping-ponging, took place in his town a couple minutes from his favorite watering hole. Okay, I drink like a fish so not a problem yet.... his approach to the whole date is probably what hammered the nail for him. "We're gonna have a good time obviously so you can spend the night and if you'd prefer, you can sleep on the couch."
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Unsure if I should react to him offering to put me on his couch IF I preferred or to him thinking that on the first date I was going to spend the night.

Mama didn't raise no: fool, pansy, introvert, or lightweight.

I popped back like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. Not to mention I was slightly frustrated in his assumption that I couldn't hold my liquor. I don't put myself in the situation where I lose ability in my cognitive functions, ESPECIALLY when:
  1. I have to drive
  2. I'm around strange men (sure you're thinking why would I date him if he was strange... well, everyone is a stranger till you become acquaintances and "normal" is boring)
  3. I am in new areas (which comes with being a nomad)
  4. I am around suspiciously thirsty men.... and I don't solely mean for whiskey

His response was a car alarm at the flea market. "GOD. I was even hesitant if I should say that. No, I don't think you're kinda girl. Damn, so dramatic." 

I said something to the effect of standing up for myself.... chivalry... blah blah... feminism.... blah blah there's girls everywhere that spread like frosting but it ain't me. I have a feeling that's what he heard.

I'm not sure if he couldn't find a replacement date in time or really liked the challenge to see if I could still be lulled to his original plan, but we still had the date. 
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I'm sure you've got your gavel ready to judge lil ole datesandcakes over here but.... well, you would be right.

Nothing really came of the date. SURE, I enjoyed the Korean BBQ, sake bombs, bar banter, and he even gave me a Harry Potter magazine he picked up in a truck stop off Highway 66 but.... guess he didn't find it magical because I declined his offer 3x for more shots. I had four and kept my ground. Then, ironically, didn't keep my eyes on the ground because I fell in a hole. LITERALLY. With my left sprained ankle.

Dropped me off at my car with a hug and crickets.

Oh gosh not real ones. That's a literal nightmare of mine. 

He messaged me two days later asking if my ankle was alright and I said no and then never heard from him again. Been reel. Better drop a new line.

Would love to call this dump truck cookies but we didn't get to the stage where dumping could even happen.
​L oh! L

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Ingredients
  • 24 ROLO® Creamy Caramels in Chocolate Candy
  • 12 vanilla wafer cookies (pink) or chocolate Cookie Wafers (3/4 x 3-1/2 inch)
  • 12 HERSHEY'S Mini Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
  • 36 thin pretzels sticks (about 3 inches)
  • 1 cup white ready to spread frosting or Royal Icing colored to match color of wafers*
For the girls that spread like frosting, that's your glue to put this truck together. Don't stress if it's finicky, like this date, it won't stick ;))

link credits :))
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A New Meaning to an Alicia Keys Song...

3/9/2022

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A DatesandCakes on how-to:
-flambe
-make bananas foster
-scare your bestie
-play with fire
-test if you're flammable 
#datesandcakes #flambe #bakingvideo #howtostartafire #upinflames #bananasfoster

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Burying

2/28/2022

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How sad is it that a Netflix series had to shake me about my inability to walk a-way when red flags, intimation, manipulation, and dare I say gas lighting? Gosh I'm a counselor and I can't see it in my life!!!

So... the show is "Dirty John" and my bestie and I watched it together and to say it. was. painful. is an understatement. The way he undermines his victims and belittles and controls them with guilt made me want to crumble. Like cookies.
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Let's review the first guy I connected with in a year since being on a dating app:
  • Openly admitted he shredded credit cards. Why did I need my bestie to tell me that was a warning sign. With an ex-wife and joint account and numerous accounts of guys trying to date me when they're "technically single but I guess legally still married" but of course have been separated for x and "it's been over for a long time..." O.M.G. Is gullible STILL on the ceiling? Look up weekly.
  • Then greeted me every day with "good morning, gorgeous" then resorted to punishing me with "good morning" after a fight, and sealing it with the ever famous "I've done nothing wrong."
  • Well, my beloved datesandcakes followers... this is where we test your loyalty. I went back to him. Messaged him and PLEADED with him to hear me out and allow ME to apologize.
  • Yup. I begged him to give the girl he asked "why does it matter where we spend our time" in response to me asking if he was going to take me out for our third date. I didn't find it suspicious that a man that was divorced (at the end of shit... I don't even remember if it was end of 2019 or 2020) didn't want to be seen in public with me at the end of 2021
​Am I to blame? You bet your bottom dollar. Did it continue with the VERY NEXT GUY? You bet your bottom dollar
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And the beat goes on.....

This guy doesn't even deserve his own post so we're gonna piggy back. 
SPOILER ALERT: He was the little piggy that weee weee weee'd all the way home
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On our first date was adorably nervous and MUCH more attractive in person. He was quirky and adorable and a tall glass of water. He is "not much of a drinker" yet he drank Makers like it was water. Cool that you can hold your liquor but this set the stage for the rest of the date.

Enter stage left, he revealed he is on probation and "usually [doesn't] reveal that on the first date." 
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Then, he used this motion. On. The. First. Date. To. A. Stranger.

"Since my person is probably in Spain or something.... so I'm trying to find someone who can accept me for who I am here. " 
My eyes widened as he continued. "That and I have a really high sex drive and am tired of doing this [insert gesture] alone."

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To seal it with a kiss, and I did, he put dip in his mouth and also said, "See? I would usually wait till you were in the bathroom before putting this in my mouth."

WHUT?! 
Had to spell it wrong for emphasis. GOODNIGHT, Steph!! 

Pardon my French but.... what the FUCK!?!? 
.... Speaking of French, tonight's dessert is beignets. Can't spell it, feeling fried and heavy? These are why. Dig in and dip it in powdered sugar, sugar. 

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  1. Get yourself some Brand-name refrigerated biscuits because you are trying to convince yourself you deserve it. No no-- are worth it
  2. Fill a pot with two inches of canola oil and light to medium heat
  3. Pop open biscuit cylinder (like you did your emotions in two dates or less or right swipes are free)
  4. Cut each biscuit in halves and place in pot approximately 2 inches apart. No participation ribbon will be awarded but, you'll thank me later ;))  
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5. Cook for approximately 2 minutes and then flip out.... I mean flip the dough. If you were rational AT ALL, you would've flipped out at some of these red billboards flashing your way on the way to the date since I haven't had a date pick me up from my house since Florida in 2019.
6. Immediately after biscuits now appearing a light golden (Ponyboy), toss in (the towel) powdered sugar 
7. Hate to sugar coat it but sugar, you knew these "were trouble when [they] walked in."

Striving for something to heat up your life yet never thinking of the repercussions? Not wanting to retell your story or gather too many ingredients? Feeling heavy almost like artery clogging (heart mostly)?  Then this is your dessert. A little brutual for a whimsical and pun-tastic dates and cakes but sometimes a wake-up call is what you need. Hopefully you don't need this recipe but beignets are just a boiling pot of grease away.... 

I'm Cajun so I do tear up an order of beignets... even when I'm not in such regret-dusted spirits. 
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Digging

1/31/2022

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Season: Winter 2022
​Location: Denton, TX
How I broke my own rules, thus breaking my own heart:
 1. Invested almost ALL my time into ONE guy
 2. Kissed on the first date... let's be honest, made-out, passionately
 3. Slept over on the second date (my choice, he didn't even beg)
 4. Turning down opportunities to dance with my girls because "I kinda already had someone." WHAT? So you're going to stop yourself from going out and shake it, which is a HUGE stress reliever and stay home and "be a good little girlfriend" when newsflash:  HE NEVER EVEN MENTIONED THAT TERM. NOT ONCE.
 5. Even entertaining a guy who's opening line was "hey gorgeous." 
 6. I'm so flabbergasted about number 5 that I can't mambo #5, high five, or even take 5. That's common fucking sense in the dating disco (causes a fever all right). Did I revert back to high school? Like COME ON, Stephanie!
 7. To add salt to injury (and pepper), his very next line was "better, now." *throws computer keyboard cover* At least we didn't throw the thing I'm hashing this out on? Progress? No, you stupid-- okay, self-destruction isn't going to help here... obviously, we're already stewing on that.
 8. I not only threw "playing hard to get" out the window, but threw my secrets about it out  there too! Told him I should be playing hard to get and why I kept the dating app activated. Not to stalk (psh, what kinda crazy do you take me for? ...Okay, don't answer that) but to have as reference when he changes a picture or comment, thus indicating he's been active on the app again. 
 9. At this point, you're probably still reading to see what other stuff a girl in confession mode has to say about her wounded heart that she so clearly inflicted upon herself. Opened the door, windows, and sunroof with the keys in the ignition and cash in the console said, "please, be gentle and just don't steal my car, k? I trust you."
 10. Considered accepting his sexual innuendos after completely changing the tone, context, and depth of our communication style as we knew it (for the 16 days he reminded me we were talking) 
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11. Who I became while fighting with him is someone I didn't recognize. "New 'tude, who dis?" I started raising my voice, became prideful, and was much sassier than all my teenage years combined.
​12. My other rule was allowing a guy to yell at one of my friends.... even he yelled at her first. Ummm... that rule seems a little.... guh, maybe my lack of rules broke my own heart
13. Second guessing my phrasing is a reflection of him... I'm driven almost 110% by emotions so I don't second guess many of my words, they encompass me almost instantly and dive from my little lips. Proof God has a sense of humor by giving such a chatty Kathy tiny lips. But, during "the end" he continually used my words against me swearing my phrase was x verbatim. First I fought back and then I apologized for making him feel that way, coming off that way, or racking my brain how I could have said something I had little recollection or intention of.

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14. Repetitive guilt plauged me in our last phone conversation. Guilt for my actions, inaction, feeling I had to remedy and take accountability for errrything. Yet he only took accountability for raising his voice at my bestie and for "being playful" with the naked comment.

Proof I didn't guard my heart even when the music was undeniable; you can't mistake Nickelback. Lol. I rooted for his basketball team Friday while at my favorite live music bar in Charleston. Sure, he's haunted my dreams and no other guy is even remotely appealing right now


​So with the Nickelback playing, I reached back out and swallowed my pride (I'm sure he was wondering if I did). He made me feel like he was doing ME a favor to listen to my apology in person. His hesitancy was 5 claws to the leg from a black cat you were just paying genuine attention and affection to. What the... French toast?! So again, I'm going to take myself out and I guess get back the respect for myself I lost. And get a vlog readyy. Lights...

Maybe because I lost my center for a bit. Haha understatement of the year. Yes, I'm aware it's still the first month of 2022. I did things so out of character for me (constant texting like a 13-year-old with a pink Nokia and staying home from the club) and I need to get back to building itineraries instead of fantasizing roots. I'm no tree, I don't do that. I need to learn when to leaf well enough alone.... we know hpw datesandcakes loves a challenge.
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This Bites

1/28/2022

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Mr. Struck By Lightning was EVERYTHING.

 I know, I know, past tense tells us where this ends before it begins AND how many times I have I felt, blogged, or screamed that before? This story is stale and is in need of a ziplock or re-baking. 

It all started like they all do... :( Guh that feels as awful as it sounds. Then again, so does Nickelback yet they've won over 27 awards including "worst band." How's that for "How You Remind Me?"
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This guy was intelligent, caring, generous beyond belief (mostly drawn from his profession choice), nurturing, found me funny (requirement), nerdy, honest (maybe a bit too much off the bat but still hit a single ;), and ambitious. He cooked for me on our first date, which was all too humorous since I detest pasta, which I know is unamerican and anti-italian and mama mia! I should be hit with a meatball but... it's just not my jam (or peanut butter). Anywhooooo, he is Italian and saw this as a challenge to show off his skills in the kitchen with his grandmother's recipe. He plated a lemon garlic pasta with arugula, panchetta, and Parmesan. 

He was so excited when his fork plunged into his masterpiece while I.... couldn't contain my taste-bud tango. Looking at me with his big blue eyes he beckoned, "What do you think?"

My face said it all. I tried to mask it but Mardi Gras was not yet upon us. He saw the truth like a polygraph. "Oh, you really don't like it?" His face sunk.

I couldn't help but laugh and utter, "I mean, it's good.." while I twirled my fork in the spaghetti. My hunger and strict upbringing of "finish your plate" and "when someone makes something for you, you eat it" compelled me to finish the bowl. It really wasn't that bad by the time I scrapped up the last bite. I did however feel a little like Lucy with Vitavitavegamin. 
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"You know, this stuff really isn't that bad."
Well.... it surprisingly made the date all the more comfortable. We were ourselves and I lapped up every moment. I became quickly drunk on his honesty of his divorce, the cleanliness of his home that you could tell wasn't just a deep cleaning before the girl comes over, and the way he looked at me with those deep color-changing eyes. He was like a mood ring that I just HAD TO HAVE.

Somewhere between date number 1 ^^ and date number 2 where I also spent it at his house and later spent the night.... I found myself cropping this guy and pasting him in my future plans. Not just the weeks leading up to his birthday in March but beyond. To infinity.... yes, I was buzzed ;)) Another thing to note: we were never drunk. Never. The most we had was two drinks on the first date and the second, we were just consumed with each other. It was freeing and consuming all at once. 

So what went wrong? This is datesandcakes afterall.... something always does

Well, like chalk on concrete, my boundaries with those I care about are colorful, fun, and washable. My best friend, whom I've mentioned countless times and was featured on the blog several times is my constant. She's dated with me, nursed the ending of the relationship we thought "was it," lost our grandmothers, moved three states together, raised the cutest damn bulldog you've ever seen and made this thing called life more tolerable. The bestie and I danced, drank, and dreamed our pain away for 16 years now. So, to say she's not involved in my love life is a bold face lie. But... to what extent is healthy?

Confession session: I still don't know.
She's fueled with past potentials of mine a number of times, inevitably ending in well, the end. So.... with Mr. Struck By Lightening, I was stoked when she gave me her seal of approval about him. She loved his passion for scary movies, his openness to answering questions about if he truly was divorced, age of his daughter, and intentions with me. Excessive or is my bestie just thorough? Maybe that's revealing my weakness of not gathering the courage to ask some of those questions myself or maybe I'd prefer living in the aloofness fantasy of not knowing. Or maybe... I should have let things build over time instead of condone an interrogation... but, you have to admit, the seal is pretty cute.
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In the 7+ hours gushing on the phone and 29 hours that we spent engrossed in conversation and electric "like," I grew incredibly fond of this man and really REALLY thought it was going to blossom into something soon, like a flower on speed. I don't know plant terminology... not as "green" as I should be I guess *rolls green eyes*

Well, it all was at stake (medium rare) when the bestie questioned his motives the day before date number 3. First, she interrogated me, pressing me about details about his daughter and why we haven't gone on a date in person and then about the details about his credit cards, which were his reason the third date MAY or may not happen, contingent upon the status of his flagged card that was being resent to his house hopefully by the date of the date. Haha, thank you comic relief. 

Since I couldn't provide specific details to the bestie, she decided to verify herself since her faith in men had been recently corrupted due to multiple acts of infidelity from her long-distance boyfriend. That catastrophic event was discovered days before me and Mr. Struck By Lightening's date. 

This is where it got ugly.
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OH heavens no! This was actually where it got sexy ;)) Mark of his passion after date number two. Again, my attempt at comic relief because I'm distraught about the ending of this one. You heard me! DISTRAUGHT. Usually I leave and never look back... this one, well, didn't make it so easy.

After the interrogation about the cards and yelling between him and my bestie, they both apologized. It was strange to watch and honestly, I couldn't believe a couple things:
  1. That it wasn't butter
  2. That I couldn't have advocated for myself if I felt something was off
  3. That he took screaming from a person he isn't trying to date and hasn't met
  4. That bestie head-butting was going to end in another connection casualty
  5. That this was happening... naive much? DatesandCakes has seen this before

Naturally, he rescheduled date #3. He felt "a bit defeated" and needed some time to "dust himself off and pick himself up." All to say: he's human and is also probably trying to wrap his head around the fact that it actually is butter. lol Ugh. 

Next day went by and the conversation took a terrible turn via text. I was a bit tied with work so wasn't able to respond too much into it so called before dinner. He responded a short, "okay... sorry you feel that way" to my call of "I really thought you could be the one but now I don't know how we can continue from here."

And he didn't fight for me.

My knee-jerk reaction is still, but why would he? I guess because for the simple fact that there should be a little Mulan in all of us.... Because at the end of the day, "What do we need?"

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So... I blame myself for allowing things to get this out of hand where it became a 3 person relationship. He probably feels he dodged a bullet and can't believe he got matched with such a crazy... then again, part of me feels he wasn't as into me as I thought since he was able to quit me cold turkey (or chicken).

Guess the Stephona is curable... and yet, I still yearn to hear from him. 

Potentially the biggest SMH moment of datesandcakes history! Thoughts are welcome...

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The Missed Ship

1/7/2022

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Dedicated to: A guy that I had no business liking that STILL remains clueless that I ever liked him
Season: Fall 2021

He knows only of your existence
Aloof to your mental resistance
Lightly circling the topic of
The next contender of whom to love
Hope hopscotching lines in chalk
Tempted to cross with tangled talks
But alas, the play is one-sided
His name: the one with the title beside it
Dreams are cast-away on 12-hour shift
Relationship: unlikeliest of gifts
Extinguishing naivety is a must
Weathered emotions naturally rust
Discolored, he'll become distant
Secret he'll never know he missed it
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Another Chapter Gone

4/20/2021

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Dating has seemed to lose its luster so in the inbetweens, I find reading is actually something productive that provides a sense of accomplishment instead of chipping away at the self-worth I've worked tirelessly to build over the last 11 months. The wild thing about the books I stumble upon are that they provide deep insight to relevant things in a young, single, hustling female. 

My latest page turner, "We Are All the Same In the Dark," took place in Texas, which his a first... so the first quote is pertaining to that, but the others are quite profound in sound....
Texas is a beautiful poison you drink from your mother's breast; the older you get and the farther you run, the more it pounds in your blood."
  • I arrived in Texas in 2000 
  • I didn't break away until 2013 to NC
  • Then came back the same year
  • Broke away again in 2016 to SC
  • Then went to Spain in 2019, followed by Florida
  • BUT THEN found my way back at the tail end of 2019
GOSH have I tried to get away from Texas but something keeps bringing me back. Call it fate, bad luck, my family, connections from college, stupidity, complacency..... I'm sure I could brainstorm a couple more but, the way this big ole state handled carona shut-downs made me feel like there was no better place! Even NOLA, the Big EFFING Easy shut down bars and even went to extremes to ban live music. SAY WHAT?! The city that created jazz forbid the playing of music? What is this, common day Footloose?!?
Strangers are powerful. They can mark you in twenty seconds. They can rob you at gunpoint so you never feel safe again. They can mention you're pretty at a party when no one else ever has, and then you don't kill yourself that day or maybe any other day. It's like a diamond tossed out a car window you were lucky enough to catch.
I always found it interesting that children are taught to avoid strangers, yet everyone is a stranger at one point or another. That begs the question, how do you meet new people or familiarize someone if their existence in relation to you is well, strange? I've had strangers enlighten and empower me and friends of years betray me (one or two of them in the worst of ways).

Maybe this is why Dates and Cakes has come to be and never seems to be depleted of stories: the amusement with those unfamiliar. The luster of the "new car smell" only lasts through so many hailstorms, trips to and from the beach, hauls of baseball equipment, drunk friends, and moving boxes. Then, the smell is gone and the nose is distracted by freshly baked bread, strongly brewed coffee, or popping popcorn. 
Life is never yours. You are just renting it out while the landlord in the sky ups the price until you can't pay anymore. But what are you going to do? Like Charles Manson said, we're all living with the death penalty."
Alas, another Carpe Diem quote. LOVE.

Yes, Dates and Cakes is still baking. I GUESS Dates and Cakes is still dating but with much less interest and effort put forth. This dessert, if I had to parallel one, would be Banana Crumb Cake. Sure, circumstances can be crumby, but we need to seek what is appeeling and create our own sweetness.
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  Crumb Topping:
  • 8 tbsp COLD Land O Lakes® Unsalted Butter in Half Sticks, cubed
  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1 cup light brown sugar
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
Combine the cold butter, flour, brown sugar and cinnamon in a large bowl and use a pastry cutter or sturdy fork to cut the butter into the dry ingredients, creating a crumbly topping. Set aside.
​
For the Banana Cake:
  • 4 medium ripe bananas
  • 8 tbsp Land O Lakes® Unsalted Butter in Half Sticks, melted
  • 1 3/4 cups sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 1 tbsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 cup milk

For the Glaze:
  • 1 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 tbsp milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

For the Banana Cake:
  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  • Coat a 9x13" baking dish with non-stick spray and set aside.
  • Mash the bananas in a large bowl until smooth.
  • Add in the melted butter, sugar, eggs and vanilla extract and whisk until combined.
  • In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt.
  • Add half of the dry ingredients to the banana mixture, whisk to incorporate. Add in half of the milk, whisking again to incorporate.
  • Whisk in the remaining dry ingredients followed by the remainder of the milk.
  • Pour half of the cake mixture into the prepared baking dish. Sprinkle the top with 1/3 of the crumb mixture.
  • Pour remaining batter on top and cover with crumb topping.
  • Bake for 45 to 55 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in center of cake comes out clean.

For the Glaze:
  • Combine the powdered sugar, milk and vanilla in a small dish and whisk until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake.
https://iwashyoudry.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/Banana-Crumb-Cake-Recipe-9.jpg
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Mr. Spilled Tea

4/7/2021

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                 _

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Mister Nice Guy with a knack for spilling tea,
Shy sapphire eyes with complexity
Pierced from the past and imprinted with studs
Dazzling with wit, not accrediting above
Declares himself timid and toxic
Intimate, but his heart, he locks it.
Infidelity observer and others' habits
Aspires for more than fucking like rabbits
Intricate path wired a short fuse
Between racing and friends: rather not choose
Unique sense of style, options "shoed"
Possibility potential not yet pursued
Curious of his next cup to spill
Content or another shallow thrill?
Anticipating boiling tap water
He'd be different if he caught her
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Hardly

3/31/2021

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Smiles at a jogger's pace
Attachment, there's no place.
Curiosity always curved
Sympathy seekers curbed.
Lingering until latched,
Genuine intention stashed.
Liberally lining their pockets,
Energy greater than sockets.
Unplug upon satisfaction.
Ignore embittered reaction.
Sultry scan for a souvenir,
Hardly the parasite pioneer.
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Dedicated To....

3/2/2021

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Dates and Cakes here addressing the fact that my posts have been sparse but not necessarily apologizing because, well, I've been distance dating. I've newly defined this word as:

Distance Dating (v): The act of not actively dating but lapping up the attention from any potential suitor within reason. In order to engage in this act, you must meet the person organically or digitally without the use of a matchmaker ie: married friend set up, dating site, classifies ad, ect. Also, the person must not be convenient in literal distance from your residence, engages in drastically different extra curriculars, or is how do you say... "out of your lane" in terms of "leagues: 
There are several dating attempts that have yet to make the blog due to:
  • It physically makes me ill to rehash the details of him? hims? them?
  • I've been trying to job hunt, soul search, and take up reading
  • I've been recording many of them for the vlog (subscribe on youtube: datesandcakes)

But what we do know.... is I definitely have not met my future ex-boyfriend. 
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So many opportunities for bad, unsuccessful, unsatisfactory dates.... so, buckle up.

Today's post though is for the connection casualties that caused damage.  Unfortunately, since this happens to be my type, this new Carly Pearce song is dedicated to.... well at LEAST 5 guys that come to mind. I didn't love any of them, but a girl can dream... and my dreaming is astronomical. Hell-- I just got back yesterday from a solo trip to Cabo! AND I'm already kicking around plans for the next adventure.

I like to think I'm getting better at this temporary thing. Sure, we live in a throw-away society but, never in my wildest dreams could I have placed myself in the same room as disposable. Middle school and college should have prepared me for that with some of the friendships that came to pass and quite frankly broke my heart. Alas, I continued to throw parts of my heart into things and encounters probably in 2018.

2017 was my first year dating around EVER. Single, cute, no kids, no divorce, and a listener? The possibilities were endless. The chase was riveting and my attention span matched the longevity of each encounter. It wasn't until I got tired of sharing my story (which had been spark-noted with a dose of mysterious) and wanted to be my quirky, loud self with one of the guys I was dating that I started to lean toward boy friend boulevard. 
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Is it wrong to want to wear mismatching pj's, get hangry when dinner is delayed more than an hour, and belt classic rock on the radio when going on dates? Sigh. THAT'S what earned me some heart wear and tear. Sure, I've "learned" but damn, this "lesson" is a rocky road with no turn-around's. 

I'd like to say the forgetting is easier, because the goodbye certainly is. I'd like to say "next time is gonna-- I'm not gonna..."  
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So, I'll continue to whip up datesandcakes vlogs and blogs and jump on planes (or out of them #adrenalinejunkie) and stay sweet. The hardest part is not SCREAMING that they are all the same.... because well, prove me wrong ;)

Dedicated to: [you know who you are]

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[Verse 1]
I am my mother's daughter
I watched her with my father
I saw it all, the good and bad
Should've known better than that
You found me at the right time
I loved you from that first night
Bet everything on what we had
Should've known better than that

[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known bеtter
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you'rе gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that

[Verse 2]
You sold me on a fantasy
Damn it, it all felt real to me
Thought you were the man in the photograph
Should've known better than that
Oh, I should've known better than that
2
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that

[Instrumental Break]

[Bridge]
Still some nights, I'm crying on the floor
But I'm not sleeping in the bed you made, no more

[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
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Little Voice Notes

2/17/2021

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Romanticize minutes spent
Standards to oblige-- bent
 Anticipation of something built
Following bios and emotions spilled
Sheer intrigue wrapped like candy 
Something shore leaves you sandy
Different dawn and dialect
​This one too, I must forget
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Dates and Cakes' Science of Attraction

2/16/2021

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I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.

In no way am I saying these guys are not "doing the damn thing" we call life and looking good doing it. What I'm saying is, I look at each one of these guys as what they could be to me and what we could be together.  Selfish, right? Instead of basing it off their arrangement of words, gestures, and follow-through (or absence of follow through). 

I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far. 
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Probably 96% of what is manifesting between this guy and I, (whether it's been 2 weeks or 3 days) is sheer fantasy. This is not to be confused with the perfume, Fantasy by Brittney Spears, who is free now. YOU GO GIRL; 2007 is finally over for you! I make assumptions and expectations with absolutely no scientific evidence. Ones like:
  1. He's only talking to me
  2. He genuinely wants to get to know me 
  3. He sees potential in me and maybe even excited about it
  4. He wants to get to know me on the inside and not just get there
  5. He couldn't possibly just be killing time
  6. He would pursue long-distance if he found someone worth it
  7. He is bound to belt the Hootie and the Blowfish song "I Only Wanna Be With You," even if it's just to himself about... well, your's truly
  8. He will not make me settle down
  9. His more reserved side will even us out as a couple
  10. He'll want to tell his friends about me
  11. He won't leave me on read intentionally
  12. He'll respect me 
  13. He'll be as thoughtful as I am (to my inner circle -xoxo)

I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;))
You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately....

It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong! ​
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  1. OOOOOO that boy has an accent, blue eyes, a beard, thinks I'm funny, or has some real unfulfilled potential
  2. Will he go the distance? *cue Herculez song*
  3. This bearded traveler/blue eyed mystery/strong intellect will complete me
  4. Series of late night calls, insiders, and daily messages and... he still doesn't cut the mustard
  5. Did the subject have experience in mustard cutting? Are they even remotely interested in something romantic?
  6. Your hypothesis was wack: a) no other person completes you b) you found no evidence the subject has gone the distance before (or in awhile) c) watch their action trends before setting high hopes and unrealistic expectations that they may have no interest in
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One would think by now, I would have this dating thing under "lock and key"
I'm so consumed with the beauty of what it would mean to be a beautiful structure that people from every land marvels at, that I ignore the lack of building materials, motivation, or color to make such a relationship happen. I lose sense of reality for a little bit and act like Dorothy or Alice, allowing only my imagination and shiny things to guide me.

There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better.

Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator!  
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So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.

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You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)

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Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:

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  • Cake:
  • 1/2 cup salted butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter
  • 1 cup light brown sugar
  • 1/4 cup granulated sugar
  • 3 eggs
  • 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 cup whole milk
  • Frosting:
  • 2 sticks salted butter, slightly softened
  • 1/2 teaspoon unsweetened grape Kool-Aid mix
  • 3 Tablespoons grape jelly
  • 3 1/3 cups powdered sugar
  • 3 teaspoons warm water
  • Additional peanut butter and jelly for garnish, if desired
  • Purple food coloring




Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour 3 (8 inch) round cake pans and set aside. Alternately, you can make 2 thicker cakes.
  2. In a medium bowl, combine the flour and baking powder. Set aside.
  3. In the bowl of your mixer, beat butter, peanut butter and both sugars on medium speed for 2 minutes, until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl, then add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each. Beat in vanilla extract.
  4. With the mixer on medium low, beat in flour and milk alternately, starting and ending with the flour mixture. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and give the batter a good stir from the bottom with a rubber spatula.
  5. Spread batter evenly in prepared pans and bake for about 25-30 minutes or until top springs back when lightly touched in the center. Remove from oven and let cool in the pans for 5 minutes before removing to wire rack to cool completely.
  6. Prepare frosting:
  7. In the bowl you your mixer, beat butter, Kool-Aid mix, and grape jelly until smooth. With the mixer on low, slowly add powdered sugar, a little bit at a time, until just mixed in. Add warm water food coloring and slowly increase mixer speed to high. Beat for one minute, until smooth and fluffy.
  8. Stack and frost cake. If desired, chill after frosting, until firm, then top with peanut butter and jelly for garnish.
​https://www.confessionsofacookbookqueen.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/IMG_9237-584x876.jpg
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