"God doesn't bless where you don't belong"I'm a SUCKER for the story. Another guy I met in real life.
Flirty banter, per usual. But looking back on the convo, it was really little effort on his part...He used one of MY messages as a segway to set-up a date. Hmm... Humorous part is I was leaving a date when he inquired if I was still out. I informed him of my double the next day and asked, "who said I wanted you to crash my party?" He assured me it would be adding to the party. "Shhhyeah, but it is crashing the party if it's a date. For all you know, it could have been." #guilty He used THAT as his opportunity to ask me out!!! "Maybe Friday evening we can't do that?" I had to ask for clarity and he indeed asked me out. Sure, I'm not an innocent party here but then again, I was honest... he just didn't believe me. *shrugs* He picked a place for us to meet. Didn't even offer to pick me up. CLUES? So how does a lady respond to that? Well she get's her best friend to drop her off and she pregames, of course! 3 shots of vodka in on an empty stomach and I strut up the alley. Bowling alley that is. He said I looked beautiful and put our name on the bowling list. We made our way to the bar for MORE drinks. It was 8pm because he had just gotten off work so I know he didn't have time to eat. After our second drink at the bar I asked, "are you hungry?" "I could eat." "Well I'm gonna have to eat soon with drinking. I had a couple shots before I got here," I confessed. He laughed. "Cause I took so long? Yeah, we can eat after this." If this "clue" wasn't enough, he didn't wait for a romantic moment or comment, he just leaned over and kissed me. Drunk me kissed him back and lingered. *facepalm* After sweeping the lane and striking my 6'2 date out.... errrr sparing some time to show him how to bowl. I asked where we were getting nourishment and if he could give me a ride home. He said he didn't mind the place we picked was 3 minutes in the opposing direction of my house and then we got a booth. More kissing commenced and he revealed his 10 year relationship that ended 3 years ago. Things still seemed to be moving along. Hand holding, he didn't get my door, but I was still into it. Also, I was still inebriated. 8 shots of vodka, whiskey, and vodka redbull will do that to ya ;) Outside my house was where my puzzler got sore. He..... hope there's not sensitive ears here. He bent me over his car and pressed against me like a thumb to a stamp on the corner of an envelope. One large hand tugged at my hair while the other lightly gripped my neck. His tongue found my neck and just when my breathing quickened he backed up. Gasping for air I turned my whole head, staring at him blankly. "I have to work tomorrow at 6am." "Wow, you're a tease." He smirked before I could say, "wow, that's what this feels like." I scoffed and turned toward the gate outside my house. I muttered a wish of safe travels and luck for his shift tomorrow and I punched my number into the gate while he backed up. I don't even think he checked to see I made it into the house before peeling onto the road. Texted me two hours later "I'm home" when he only lives 40ish minutes away. From there, the conversation was about the business he had ahead and friend he was picking up from the airport. I can't be jealous if it was a girl but that was when our convo ended. ^^Even his mailbox has a red flag! I guess all do but... I liked him :(( I asked God if this boy was just going to hurt me, to remove him from my life."And he did." Not gonna correct the grammar or point out that a text message takes all of 58 seconds; I'm just going to take Blue's clues and God's answer to my prayer. 2 cups blanched almond flour
1 cup creamy almond butter ½ cup maple syrup 1 tsp. vanilla extract ½ tsp. cinnamon freeze-dried blueberries sprinkles
https://www.nickelodeonparents.com/these-blues-clues-you-cookies-are-all-bark-no-bake/
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Season: Winter 2022 Location: Arlington, TX Mr. Trucking to Bucking was quick-witted and flirty and direct. All qualities that peaked my interest but inevitably lead to his downfall. Our first date, after weeks of phone calls and humorous story ping-ponging, took place in his town a couple minutes from his favorite watering hole. Okay, I drink like a fish so not a problem yet.... his approach to the whole date is probably what hammered the nail for him. "We're gonna have a good time obviously so you can spend the night and if you'd prefer, you can sleep on the couch." Unsure if I should react to him offering to put me on his couch IF I preferred or to him thinking that on the first date I was going to spend the night. Mama didn't raise no: fool, pansy, introvert, or lightweight. I popped back like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. Not to mention I was slightly frustrated in his assumption that I couldn't hold my liquor. I don't put myself in the situation where I lose ability in my cognitive functions, ESPECIALLY when:
His response was a car alarm at the flea market. "GOD. I was even hesitant if I should say that. No, I don't think you're kinda girl. Damn, so dramatic." I said something to the effect of standing up for myself.... chivalry... blah blah... feminism.... blah blah there's girls everywhere that spread like frosting but it ain't me. I have a feeling that's what he heard. I'm not sure if he couldn't find a replacement date in time or really liked the challenge to see if I could still be lulled to his original plan, but we still had the date. I'm sure you've got your gavel ready to judge lil ole datesandcakes over here but.... well, you would be right. Nothing really came of the date. SURE, I enjoyed the Korean BBQ, sake bombs, bar banter, and he even gave me a Harry Potter magazine he picked up in a truck stop off Highway 66 but.... guess he didn't find it magical because I declined his offer 3x for more shots. I had four and kept my ground. Then, ironically, didn't keep my eyes on the ground because I fell in a hole. LITERALLY. With my left sprained ankle. Dropped me off at my car with a hug and crickets. Oh gosh not real ones. That's a literal nightmare of mine. He messaged me two days later asking if my ankle was alright and I said no and then never heard from him again. Been reel. Better drop a new line. Would love to call this dump truck cookies but we didn't get to the stage where dumping could even happen. |
_ | Mister Nice Guy with a knack for spilling tea, Shy sapphire eyes with complexity Pierced from the past and imprinted with studs Dazzling with wit, not accrediting above Declares himself timid and toxic Intimate, but his heart, he locks it. Infidelity observer and others' habits Aspires for more than fucking like rabbits Intricate path wired a short fuse Between racing and friends: rather not choose Unique sense of style, options "shoed" Possibility potential not yet pursued Curious of his next cup to spill Content or another shallow thrill? Anticipating boiling tap water He'd be different if he caught her |
Attachment, there's no place.
Curiosity always curved
Sympathy seekers curbed.
Lingering until latched,
Genuine intention stashed.
Liberally lining their pockets,
Energy greater than sockets.
Unplug upon satisfaction.
Ignore embittered reaction.
Sultry scan for a souvenir,
Hardly the parasite pioneer.
Dates and Cakes here addressing the fact that my posts have been sparse but not necessarily apologizing because, well, I've been distance dating. I've newly defined this word as:
Distance Dating (v): The act of not actively dating but lapping up the attention from any potential suitor within reason. In order to engage in this act, you must meet the person organically or digitally without the use of a matchmaker ie: married friend set up, dating site, classifies ad, ect. Also, the person must not be convenient in literal distance from your residence, engages in drastically different extra curriculars, or is how do you say... "out of your lane" in terms of "leagues:
- It physically makes me ill to rehash the details of him? hims? them?
- I've been trying to job hunt, soul search, and take up reading
- I've been recording many of them for the vlog (subscribe on youtube: datesandcakes)
But what we do know.... is I definitely have not met my future ex-boyfriend.
Today's post though is for the connection casualties that caused damage. Unfortunately, since this happens to be my type, this new Carly Pearce song is dedicated to.... well at LEAST 5 guys that come to mind. I didn't love any of them, but a girl can dream... and my dreaming is astronomical. Hell-- I just got back yesterday from a solo trip to Cabo! AND I'm already kicking around plans for the next adventure.
I like to think I'm getting better at this temporary thing. Sure, we live in a throw-away society but, never in my wildest dreams could I have placed myself in the same room as disposable. Middle school and college should have prepared me for that with some of the friendships that came to pass and quite frankly broke my heart. Alas, I continued to throw parts of my heart into things and encounters probably in 2018.
2017 was my first year dating around EVER. Single, cute, no kids, no divorce, and a listener? The possibilities were endless. The chase was riveting and my attention span matched the longevity of each encounter. It wasn't until I got tired of sharing my story (which had been spark-noted with a dose of mysterious) and wanted to be my quirky, loud self with one of the guys I was dating that I started to lean toward boy friend boulevard.
I'd like to say the forgetting is easier, because the goodbye certainly is. I'd like to say "next time is gonna-- I'm not gonna..."
Dedicated to: [you know who you are]
I am my mother's daughter
I watched her with my father
I saw it all, the good and bad
Should've known better than that
You found me at the right time
I loved you from that first night
Bet everything on what we had
Should've known better than that
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known bеtter
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you'rе gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
[Verse 2]
You sold me on a fantasy
Damn it, it all felt real to me
Thought you were the man in the photograph
Should've known better than that
Oh, I should've known better than that
2
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
[Instrumental Break]
[Bridge]
Still some nights, I'm crying on the floor
But I'm not sleeping in the bed you made, no more
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
A new emotion surfaced. Just then, on page 314, this character playing the part of a romantic, but is really deep down a conman, said those three words that I'll never forget were said to me.
Combination of words: one part cliche and one part desired for reasons unbeknownst to me. Words that has he sent them through my ear piece, affirmation rushed over me like the light breeze accompanying a big wave, just as it crashes on your anchored feet in Sullivan's Island sand.
"I see you."
Rage becomes me as a girl becomes a woman in a sea of confusion and cramps and blood. My memory fumes of the boy that strategically staged those three words to unravel my yarn barricade of protection from "boys like him."
I gripped a black ballpoint pen as if it were his phone, since I could never inflict real farm on such a stoic shell. His reputation precedes him and I was a con's opportunity of a different hue. Benevolent and beautiful, but with wavering worth. Perfect.
The other pages were third person and self-righteous, so to turn to a prologue with depth was irresistible. It was all about the wait, like string lights on a timer.
Reminders hidden through seasons and capitalizing on tapered male relations. Withholding is the guilt-free gun that provides the same overall impact, but with the precision men of war exist on. A being that never actually thrives but survives on numbing. Substances, seductresses when simple and serving, and luxuries consumed until used up and tired. Then, his exhaustion fingerprinted with disinterest, shrugs off his fixation and falls to familiar once more.
He's more hollow than he allowed you to feel. Your erosion of feeling is a discovery that you too "see him." You pray it's for the last time.
You Only Live Once (YOLO) so 2 years talking and 4 days in my bed and he's "just living for the moment."
He was fine being in the background because he values his freedom more than his space; for him, they are not interchangeable. He wants his space to be consumed with bright screens, clouds of smoke, materialism, ammunition for verbal and physical jousts, and mentions of wanting a family.
The freedom is for the freaking. He was a strategist, apparent in his use of words and applications of compliments. He alludes to you being the "perfect woman" but, never the perfect woman for him. It's irrelevant if I thought we were compatible. Which, since I'm pouring this out... I didn't, point blank.
The timing was "just right," revealing "just the right amount" of what-you-wanna-hear while spooling the mystery. He never revealed too much, yet talked quite a bit-- especially leading up to the trip where he flew into my space, head, and fears.
In the countdown of the 2 weeks prior to him landing in Dallas, he strategized the physical aspect of our anticipated time together. After our first encounter, he revealed that he seldom speaks to girls that sleep with him on the first date. The double standard that he relayed through the phone enraged me and quite frankly, should have ceased future efforts.
I rebuttled with, "Shhyeah, like you weren't naked pressed against me. You wouldn't have stopped me if we did it."
"Probably not, but how am I to know that girl doesn't sleep with other guys on the first date?"
Rolling my eyes, I must have suppressed that red flag wrapped conversation because I entertained not one but two flights for our second encounter/date/rendezvous. The first one, I canceled because of Covid and another lust-interest that was pursuing me HARD.
He even went as far to make a bet with me of who would give-in first to sex. YUP, for $50. So much for reserving bets for noble steeds.
Am I so naive to scroll past the painfully sexual text messages to see what I wanted to hear and ONLY what I wanted to hear? Like the card game, I'm gonna call BS on ALL of it.
- us
- my person
- I see you
- how could guys treat you that way?
- you are such an amazing woman
- I can't believe a woman like you exists
- I'm not just trying to sleep with you, I JUST want to spend time with you
- Now all I'm missing is you
- I'm just living for the moment
- I want to see you again, but I'm not made of money *after buying a $400 hat*
- Sorry, I'm not ready to marry you
In no effort to be ironic, his dessert is a British breakfast and he is the closest person to Ron Swanson I've ever met. I give you, like the 3 home-cooked meals I gave him with not as much as a "thx bro,"
Fried Banana and Almond Maple Porridge
- 1/2 cup steel cuts-deep oats
- 1 1/2 cups almond milk
- 4 tsp maple syrup
- pinch sea salt; can't you see how salty I am?
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
- 1 tsp brown sugar
- 2 pinches cinnamon
- 1 banana (ripe, like the sting of this long-term interaction)
- 1/4 cup almonds (chopped suey like my faith in guys, again)
- 2 tbsp almond buttered-me-up
- In a sauce pan add steel cut oats. Bring to medium heat and toast oats stirring often until it they create a nutty aroma (3-5 mins). Then pour in almond milk, maple syrup, and pinch salt.
- Bring steel cut oats and almond milk to a boil, then reduce heat and let simmer. Cook oats stirring occasionally for 25-30 mins, or until cooked. Optional to add splashes more almond milk while cooking for desired consistency.
- Meanwhile, add coconut oil to a skillet and bring to med heat. Sprinkle pan with coconut sugar and cinnamon. Cut your banana in half down the centre and place cut side down on the skillet. Fry each side for approx. 30s-1 min, or until golden brown.
- Remove bananas from skillet and add chopped almonds. Toast almonds in skillet stirring occasionally until browned (approx. 5 mins).
- Divide oats between two bowls and top with fried bananas. Drizzle with almond butter, sprinkle with toasted almonds.
I selected a recipe with a fried topper to symbolize the flash-in-the-pan that we were. I'm sure he'd cringe at me referring to him and I as we. I'm still hot like the popping grease that I became JUST LIKE every other girl he's talked to. Gave it up, only to be left empty and loathing myself.
They say hate and love is a fine line, but I've never heard anyone apply that to themselves; I hate myself for letting him in (in all ways that apply).
After standing up for myself like this, I should've known, the crumble was inevitable--
Comfortable in your habitat, than i should've known better
Umm HELLO, why do you think Carmen Sandiego is such a successful game?
Why do you think "Where's Waldo" is a best seller with less than 70 words?
Most hearts race for a little challenge; it's an adventure sprinkled with thrill. Waldo might have already found me.... we'll see if this next one can keep up. ;))
"I think that one of these days," he said, "you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute."
-J. D. Salinger
With your Ivory fingers on the tweezers,
Your red lips are a thin line touring the connector box.
The power source is a perfect formulation of numbers.
Numbers so tightly wound,
Their sparks of electricity bring vulnerability.
I don't slight you from holding that back.
Our relationship would be a disaster so,
It only reinforces your surface interaction.
Catfishing is when someone posts an attractive picture of themselves that is no longer an accurate portrayal of them, current day. Sometimes, they even go to the extent of using someone else's picture!
I was minding my business, baking as usual when a new add from snapchat flashed on my phone. I glanced at the screenname to ensure it wasn't something like grinder4lyfe or puffNpussy and then the bitmoji icon and accepted the request. For those less than obsessed with Snapchat, you can create your own avatar on Snapchat to resemble you.... mind you, this is typically how that person sees themselves and isn't always an accurate portrayal.
Why would you prose such a statement, Stephanie? Could you be foreshadowing something?
I returned to the conversation. His nerd side was exemplified when he geeked out about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones (I have seen neither). I know, I know. GOT is on "my list" to watch but, I don't really sit still long enough to get wrapped into a show and I fell asleep in the theater for Lord of the Rings. I actually enjoy seeing someone nerd out on something that is important to them since I do the same with classic Disney, all things Joker, and Harry Potter (think I'm a Griffinpuff). The words exchanged between him and I mixed like melted butter and melting marshmallows.
As I continued to multitask, I received another snap message, which took my focus off Mr. Bottom Feeder for a few seconds. When my eyes returned to the list of screen names, It took me at least 30 seconds to figure out which one he was (sorry not sorry? plenty of fish in my sea ;)
When I finally found which one was him, I asked for a picture to save in the chat. He sent one already loaded on his Tinder. This is where my suspicion rose.
"I like your beard," I commented politely, "but can you send me a current one?"
Confrontation for the FIN!
He tried to blame society and the shallow focus and I was having NONE of that.
I said, "Look, if guys are able to swipe left or leave a date with a girl that is not his preferable circumference, then I can certainly do the same. This was dishonest and I have nothing left to say on the matter."
I left in a splash.
Dessert should be something fishy.... lol maybe with Swedish fish or imitating?
- 4 tbsp butter
- 4 cups miniature marshmallows
- 6 cups crispy rice cereal
- 20 gummy worms
- 2 boxes green-colored Fruit Roll-Ups
- 30 fish-shaped gummy candies
- Prepare a 12 by 17 inch baking sheet by lining it with waxed paper and spraying the paper with nonstick cooking spray.
- Place 2 tablespoons of butter in a large microwave-safe bowl, and microwave until melted about 45 seconds.
- Add 2 cups of miniature marshmallows to the bowl, and microwave until the marshmallows are completely melted, about 1 minute, stirring every 30 seconds. Stir the mixture until it is completely smooth.
- Add 3 cups of rice cereal and stir until completely coated. Immediately pour the mixture out onto the prepared baking sheet. Spray your hands with nonstick cooking spray, and begin to press the candy into the sheet in a thin layer. Begin working from the edge of the shorter side of the sheet. The mixture will only cover approximately half of the baking sheet.
- With the short side of the baking sheet nearest you, place a pair of gummy worms an inch from the edge. Place another pair directly below, and repeat until you have a line of worms stretching across the baking sheet.
- Using the waxed paper to help you, roll the cereal mixture around the gummy worms, pressing firmly to make a tight roll. Take a large sharp knife and cut the log away from the rest of the mixture. Place it off to the side, and repeat the worms/rolling/cutting procedure for the remainder of the cereal.
- Slice the logs into 1-inch rounds. Wrap each round in a strip of green-colored Fruit Roll-Ups.
- To make the fish-topped “nigiri,” repeat steps 1 to 4 to make the rice candy base, but do not press the rice mixture as thinly. It should be about 3/4 inch thick once pressed into the baking sheet.
- Cut the candy into rectangles about 3/4 inch by 1 1/2 inches. Place a candy fish on top of each rectangle, and wrap a 1/2-inch strip of green Fruit Roll-Up around the entire package.
- For a finishing touch, decorate your sushi platter to look more authentic. Suggestions include substituting chocolate sauce for soy sauce, green-tinted whipped cream (or melted white chocolate) for wasabi, and thinly sliced pink fish for pickled ginger.
Spring 2020
We all know immediately following a second chance, that person is on their catholic school's BEST behavior. Mr. Hook was minding his P's Q's LMNO's ...the whole alphabet soup.
He "made it up" to me (still not sure if that is all he made up) by recreating our skype movie date complete with date attire and an energy drink in hand (since he works nights, he wanted to ensure he was engaged and alert in our afternoon date). Things continued as they were before the first date disappointment and possibly were even better. What makes me say that? As illustrated by Dates N. Cakes:
Laughing I said, "yeah when he was my man."
"I wish you would let me be your man."
"Pshh, you said you wanted to wait until we meet in person."
"I mean... I thought that's what you wanted. I was trying to read you; I know what I want."
{nothing sexier than when a man knows what he wants.... okay I could think of a handful of things ;))}
"Well...." I smiled. "There's only one way to find out..."
"Stephanie?"
"Hook?"
"Stephanie?"
"Yes?"
"Will you... be my girlfriend?"
Could barely keep a smile from my thin lips when they formed the word "Yes."
We continued in a long-distance relationship for 3 days
Hey! I appreciate when people call a spade a spade. Not to mention, it's kind of a turn-on when guys do it to me... ;)
As the 6 hour conversation into the night continued, he mentioned the word "marriage." Like 96.821% of females, that word stops us in our tracks. Even though, presently, I'm not even sure if I want that anymore, I pushed it aside nervously.
Remembering how pivotal honest intentions and trust is to Mr. Hook, I revealed a secret about myself that I wasn't quite ready for. Upon hearing this news, he uttered, "I have to marry ya now."
He said a variation of this phrase again and then we engaged in certain relations... ;)
Then, he was distant.... for 3 days, unlike the metaphorical hook he lodged in my cheek.
Then, he hit me with a regular "good morning" instead of the fuckboi response I had grown accustomed to "good morning beautiful/gorgeous/cutie." He also didn't call as usual so, Detective Stephanie's suspicions were aroused.... and for good reason.
Subconsciously, I already began coping the inevitable by indulging in a WHOLE chocolate bunny (hop hop HOP), endless vodka redbull's, and wrote a poem about deep emotion entrapment.
He answered in a groggy phase, even though on the REGULAR, I stayed up with him until 6 or 7 am my time, talking and enjoying every moment...which I must have mistaken as mutual. I told him I missed him, naturally since I assumed it is a safe space when you're official with someone.
I was officially wrong.
He said he was stressed about his failing grade in school and an upcoming exam on Tuesday. So, I suggested we chill until then and he snapped with, "Well, I'll have another after that. I'll continue with them until June."
"But June is when you leave California..." My voice trailed as I could feel the distance in his voice.
He said nothing.
"What are we gonna do?" I whispered as I rolled over in the full sized bed, 2 time-zones away from his. I don't remember his tone, I just remember that I pressed on. "What do you--- I thought you wanted this."
"I wanted this, but I want my career more."
The past tense in his weak word choice triggered tears. "But you knew this before you started this..."
"I really have to get my grade up and pass these and between school and my friends I just..."
Sobbing was all I could release.
His end of the phone was silent. I think what hurt the most was how little he cared in this moment, but had no problem ordering handcuffs for us to use, conveniently pinning the "m word" (marriage, marry, m'nms) on me as a manipulative trick I've now experienced 7 times (from 7 different dudes that obviously didn't step to back up their little words), and dismissed anything we were or exchanged before.
"I don't think it would be fair to you..." he said halfheartedly.
How do I convey the rage building? The betrayal and abandonment AGAIN? Genie, take it away:
- I didn't ask for this.
- He pursued me.
- He begged for a second chance.
- He swore age was nothing but a number and that he wanted something serious.
- He enjoyed talking to me and was as hooked as he clearly hooked me
- He went into details about all the plans for our first meeting on the west coast
- He waited for me to finish lent, in which I gave up dating
- He made me feel like he wasn't talking to anyone else and was saddened and seemed to sit up right when I told him there were 2 other guys that had asked me out in one day
- He told me his life story, encouraging that I share mine
- He created such a space that I expressed things to him that I hadn't even admitted to myself
- He talked about meeting my parents and I meeting his grandpappi
- He talked about dating a military man 3 years down the road and how he would understand if it was too hard for me, but hoped it wouldn't be
- He talked about how he's never talked to a girl like me and is honored I gave him a chance
- He told my best friend I was drop dead gorgeous
- He told me things that streamline operators of the game, so I guess the swindled is to blame and cannot be deemed the victim
"I guess so," he said. "Can I call you tomorrow or something?"
"I don't get the point." I said in deep devastation.
- On our last convo on Tuesday, this MUFFIN TOP told me that he would have to show me in actions. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I'm different. I'm going to show you with actions, Stephanie. I'm not like other guys you've been with."
Have I learned NOTHING in my datesandcakes history? Guh, you bet your sweet pippy that there is gonna be an explosive vlog about this.... stay tuned ;)
Doesn't automatically render a space
In your jumbled head of drafted plans
Shading the night to grays and tans
He brushed your curl aside as if it were practice
Outlined your firm expression that of an actress
Breathing close in a rhythm to hypnotize
Temporary this moment, yet to realize
Just because the scene has set doesn't mean he is
On the syllables of your name or how it sounds with his
So don't mistake a mere glint for an enlightening
You'll meet a thunder, fit to be his lightening
Those that are supposed to offer unconditional concern often shoot betrayal from their fingertips as snares dangle from their earlobes. Such medieval imagery leaves little hope for complete strangers. How could a new face and new name combat such an evil expectation? It only takes one time to touch a hot element before thinking twice, given another chance.
But where does this leave you? Feeling with fear first, and then tiptoeing around life with the leftover emotions? What about feeling sand between your toes, hearing a baby's giggle, or seeing a puppy smile? You have to leave the tiptoeing for ballet and prance into opportunities outside of the studio.
It took me until I crossed Atlantic on Christmas Eve night to unfriend a combination of friends, acquaintances, and scrub-a-dubdubs that deemed less than worthy of my effort. Cleaning house is more than just a literal expression for the spring time. I unfriended 10 people and quite frankly, wish I would have done so sooner. A day will always consist of 24 hours (unless you're changing time zones of course, which in my Euro Trip #2, I did so 4 times). Don't. Waste. A. Minute.
I won't bore you with all ten, but here is one that we were quite friendly and it looked quite promising for us to go out, but then he stood me up. GHOST the night we were supposed to go out in downtown Dallas. It was already going to be an hour drive, but I felt he was worth that.... he obviously did not feel the same.
Although most girls (or guys in this situation) would have removed this person from their phone and their hope chest, I for some reason unbeknownst to me, did not. I must admit, I got a little snappy, but.... one couldn't argue I didn't fight fear to confront the inconsiderate slime.
Let's pretend I wasn't the first girl to tell you no, and that's why you sprung for date #2. Let's pretend you weren't impressed with my internal music encyclopedia. Let's pretend I didn't catch on to your inconsistency in stories, priorities, and ex-fiance. Let's disregard your failure to mention you lived in another state.
Let's pretend we never went to the beach that Sunday morning after coffee. Let's pretend I didn't notice where your eyes settled when you saw me in a swimsuit. Let's not revisit the shame your reaction had on my self image, self esteem, and well.... my...self. Let's not highlight the disgust you exhibited and how you refused to touch me. Let's pretend that although I had built up confidence in my internal attributes and sunshine smile, it wasn't built to weather this kind of disapproval.
Let's pretend I wasn't raised on measuring up (or the lack their of). Let's pretend that I, like most the girls I know, didn't battle body dismorphia. Let's pretend I didn't watch the woman I idolized shrivel to bones and thin skin because of exterior circumstances spurred by internal ones. Let's pretend you were concerned with anything other than bringing me back home like a troubled youth you were stuck with for community service.
Let's pretend I've thought of you TWICE since that Sunday.... oh, because I haven't. Whether you wanna splurge on a dessert without as many calories or you just happen to have the ingredients on hand, here is a "Skinny" Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Bar Recipe.
- 5 sheets low fat Graham crackers = 350
- 2 Tbsp butter = 200
- 8 ounces light cream cheese = 560
- 3/4 cup nonfat plain Greek yogurt = 105
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar = 194
- 2 Tbsp flour = 56
- 2 egg whites = 34
- 1 Tbsp lemon juice = 0
- 2 tsp vanilla extract = o
- 1/2 cup mini chocolate chips = 560
- Preheat oven to 350°F
- Not the crusty crab: Crush (like he crushed your esteem) the graham crackers into a f-i-n-e crumb. Mix with melted butter and press (like he pressed his lips on yours) into a lined 8X8 pan.
- Bake for 8 minutes and multitask like homeboy practically living a double life does with ease.
- He didn't even "fill" me up: Beat the softened cream cheese for 1 minute using a hand or stand mixer. Beat it, like he did. By "it" I mean: yogurt, sugar, egg whites, and flour until smooth.
- Add lemon juice and vanilla, and again, beat it, MJ. Fold in the chips.
- Spread filling on top of baked crust.
- Return to the sun or.... oven for 20 minutes.
- Then, when you think everything is going well, remove the pan and covering it with foil, preventing burning desire. Return to oven for 5 minutes.
- Allow to cool off from the rejection and chill because you're beautiful, regardless if you're "skinny enough."
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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