He just likes the idea of me. What I could do for him. What I could do to him. How much I'd fit in his perfect little world. How I can get along with his friends and impress his family. How I could be trained to meet his every need, because I should be ever so lucky he gave me the time of day.
He likes the abstract idea that I could be the perfect accent to his dacor. The dazzle on his arm, the manager of his household, and no doubt, a tame tongue. He likes the box that he could put me in. Not too spacious, but not confined enough to suffocate... at least not yet. He believes in his alluring technique; stability, stamina, stature in more than one way, and stealth. He pictured me past the snapshots in time and past my history as to supersede those fallen. He likes that he can get comfortable but, expects my senses to remain heightened. He expects me to stay sharp, regardless of the sloppiness he could reveal. He expects so much of a girl he doesn't know and deep down, he doesn't care who fills that role. His concern is embedded in the role being fulfilled. I'm not some cast calling and not some clay for your mold. The role I'd ask of you would to be a gentleman but, preferably yourself. If you're a snake in the grass, then portray yourself as nothing than other than just that. I like the idea of him but he's never really the him I need.
0 Comments
I ended my last post (the first of the Best Friend Nano Series) with befuddlement as to why the guys we date are drastically different, yet both horrific. We have made the mistake of inviting these boys to our apartment's community pool after a night(s) of heavy drinking. I know, I KNOW. What else did I expect? But that's why I said mistake explicitly. Some made sneers and jeers about skinny dipping, some ran out of things to talk about, but all of them had two things in common. 1. They looked great in the moonlight 2. Their presence couldn't compare the the moon's and unlike the moon, they did not make an appearance another night. Drowning us with empty promises, future plans, and rehearsed compliments, these boys came and went like the tide. Their stale interest only lasted through the night. Isn't dating a splash? Water you still doing single?Because, if I settled for someone like the pool boys, my happiness would be sure to sink. I'd rather have my life jacket of baking then plunge head-first into disaster. Wanna join? The water is fine ("Cake By the Ocean" starts playing)!
Bake any of your favorite cake recipes, grandma's recipe that has been in the family for generations, Betty Crocker's special (all box baby) or something you found off google. Once your two round 8' cakes have chilled the heck out, much like dudes trying to jump your bones in a pool, stack them on top each other. Oh the imagery. If guys can do it... Gosh this recipe is like a play-by-play. Put an icing of your choosing (canned, cream cheese, buttercream, chocolate, or strawberry) in between your two cakes. Really, any frosting but a glaze; although pool boys try to glaze their words, they don't hold up; the same is true with these cake layers. Then destroy the top of the cake, with a fork or shallow intentions, crumbling the top of the cake. This will create a rough and wavy texture. Sweep the crumbs away from the cake and dispose of them properly (you know what I mean ;). Then, cover the sides of the stacked cake, like the guys that were stacked on your schedule, eagerly awaiting or sometimes imposing a pool invitation with your desired frosting. Lastly, before the night spent with them is devoured, like this cake, frost the rigid part of the cake with blue icing-- preferably gel but, hey! We can have preferences all we want but sometimes that doesn't affect the outcome. "LET THEM EAT CAKE!" So I’ve mentioned quite a few stories about my best friend; the one I’ve been on every double date that has crashed and burned. She plunged into the dating world the same time I did, for reasons too dark to disclose here and moved to east coast with me (I have another best friend too whom I give a shout out to occasionally cause she is in a long-term, very happy relationship ;). My dating culprit is the blonde I refer too probably once a week, because she too, is in this twisted online dating world and her stories are just as relevant, yet incredibly different from mine. Not to mention, we live together... so that'll certainly come into play later. I don’t know if it’s because we attract different types of guys, we have different approaches, or the guys just act different with us but our encounters are night and day. She seeks out clean cut, military men chiseled and slightly arrogant, while I am more of a bearded, “sweet,” intellect type. We both swing and miss quite often (I’m not afraid to admit, hence having a dating blog in the first place). Her's almost always offer very little emotionally, offer very little date wise, and offer very little longevity wise. How does one offer very little date wise? Lack of creativity in the date, not putting forth any effort (practically abysmal), and almost being downright cheap about it. She has been asked on more than one occasion, “hey, do you mind if we split this?” Mr. Budlight
This is the mascot for guys she dates. He is watered down suave with a temperature that affects his overall demeanor. The guy who came over for a movie night (yes, this is the notorious Netflix and Chill) and brought a 12 pack. You're probably thinking, well at least he didn't consume all your alcohol and he brought a decent amount. Oh, not only did he partake in several mixed drinks of ours but when it was all said and done, he left that night WITH THE REMAINDER OF HIS BEER. Dude, really?! First of all, it's Budlight-- it's NOT that serious. Secondly, where is your couth? My mom drilled the standard into my sister’s and my mind as children that you never go to a person’s house and not bring something. This guy actually was worse off engaging in this Indian-giver act instead of just coming over empty handed. So THIS is what I mean by offering something very little date-wise. Mr. Just a Girl On My Arm So, to accurately make the comparison of “her type of guys” to “my type of guys," I'll share one of my comparable stories. This one is of the man who came over, ordered Chinese food for us AND my best friend. Things went well! The date was great and I was really feeling the potential of this one. Days later though, on a phone call, he spent 30 minutes "dumping me" and saying I was "the kind of girl anyone would want on their arm, but just not the girl for a relationship." I feel that that excuse is usually directed toward some foxy supermodel that has very little intellect or very little potential (for one reason or another deemed by the guy) for longevity. So, I was baffled he would say that about me because neither of those were true. He left me more confused than anything but, he didn't stop there... oh no. MONTHS later, he messaged my best friend saying, "Hey, I think we really hit it off and wanted to see if you wanted to go to a concert in a couple weeks." It's one thing to have a back-up but a whole 'nother world of stupidity to hit on her best friend she lives with. Frankly, I’ll probably never know why the guys we date are drastic yet both horrific. Oh the time that would be wasted pondering that thought. So, I'll ponder more of our bad dates and compare them as so. I'm sure as hell not the only girl out there having a rocky journey in this dating excursion! More to follow...... To Be Continued. I need to figure out what you want
What she was to you What he was to me I need to embark on this brave new world Dating strangers with shallow intentions And lip-biting morals I need to move past the screen That brought me you Because with me, you won’t reside I need to speak freely Entanglement gains no traction Shoelaces tangled in desire I need to step up or step out It’s the root to my name Roots tangled in the earth I need knowledge of astrology The earth tries to encapsulate the sky But it reaches beyond imaginable depths I need to escape my own depths The mind of which I’ve become prisoner You’ve paid a visit once or twice I need someone willing to plunge Into my great unknown Not just beneath the seams of my pants I need to be clothed in reassurance Sounding shy of desperate Feeling less than naked I need the bare necessities and beyond The tempting thoughts of severance Longing to never again be bare I need inspiration A purpose on purpose And I won’t find it in him I need to not need him To “move on” as they say But am I ever idle? I need fruition Exponential growth from the mistake I feel I have become and must sprout past I need to instill power Power within Electrifying truth my esteem refutes I need to not hold myself back That’s the only thing I hold Hold onto the past too much, too much I need to retract my anchor Yearning for a ship Friend or relation I need someone all aboard Someone not bored with their ambitions Wishing to leech mine I need comradery and contribution Not merely a warm body The humidity of your ego emits enough heat I need more than subpar And allow dust to be the only part Of me that settles I need to set my heart on the fire in the sky Rise and set with it And become moonlight when necessary I need to be And not allow Hamlet or any other Infer that I should not I need to not Negate the negative Pessimism dressed in realism I need to operate on my own accord And cease the waiting of the one Or anyone and just become me "Wonders if her love is strong enough to make him stay. She's answered by the tail lights shining through the window pane."People show you exactly who they are- usually they reveal a large chunk of it upon first meeting them. Why is this statement so abstract, so far-fetched to wrap your optimistic, naive head around? Is it because you're so hopeful that they possess the qualities you've been dreaming of since you were clonking around your parent's second story in high heels three sizes too big with a tiara slipping down your untamed bangs, proudly strutting dollar store pearls? Is it attributed to the royalty the stories proclaimed every little girl deserves? Is it because you offer the benefit of the doubt as freely as samples at Sam's on a Saturday afternoon? Is it because for once, just once, you want to pretend that everything in your category 5 world is calm and going according to plan for five trivial moments? Regardless of your skewed rationale, he isn't what you've been waiting for-- not even close. But you already know that.
Maybe you play this game because you want to be proved wrong. You are so quick to grab the pearl pawn and unfold the board game because your ideal role is innocence. You know it is. You transfer your pawn from painted square to painted square with pockets lined with fabrication. Your pasty palm rolls dice as inconsistent as their follow-through. When the dice lands you gaze down at the snake eyes and scoff, "naturally." It's not long before the snake eyes turn to taillights for him to slither away. His taillights shouldn't surprise you. They're as loud as a foghorn, awakening your spirit from the resting from reality. Game Over. Start again? Brunch at the crack of noon, extra spicy Bloody Mary’s, and the two hottest guys you’ve ever seen in your young adult life. A third hottie headed that direction and just so happened to slide into the booth across from them. Thinking you hit the hottie trifecta, you keep composure and wipe the drool from the corner of your mouth. You advert your eyes as to not draw unwanted attention… or really any attention at all. Desperation is SO not in this season. Adjusting your hair and protruding your bottom lip, your eyes fixate on quite the scene. The two Abercrombie models (or so they appear) faced each other with intent— almost a look of affection. How refreshing! Guys that aren’t afraid to exhibit their emotions in public. Oh no! Oh, hell no! He didn’t just— yup, he did it again! The guy on the left kissed the gorgeous guy beside him. This wasn’t a peck that your granny that has no special awareness planted on you surprisingly. Nor was it a custom in France or Italy where a casual greeting is only complete with a symmetrical kiss on each side of your lips. No, this was deliberate, and passionate I might add. Picking my jaw up off the restaurant floor, I looked to the other beautiful man across them, hoping his reaction was similar to mine but he only offered additional confusion to my already frazzled state. He was smiling like a kid who had just gotten his way with his tan, muscular arm draped across the table. Following his chiseled arm to him palm was an equally attractive hand in his. Fingers were laced with a light graze on the top of each other’s thumbs. Wiping the awe-struck and equally perplexed look from my freckled face, I tried to avert my eyes and return to the world around me. What— what would you even call that? My thoughts were loud enough for them to hear. What even is a three-sided male relationship? A tempting triangle? The Three Amigos? Triple threat? Three peas in a polyamorous pod? A tripod? A real tidepod challenge because it’s supposed to be a “fresh” perspective on dating? Struck with the reality that you’re a homo sapien single heterosexual, in a slightly flamboyant town, you accept the conclusion you would most certainly die alone here. Not to mention, you used the word “town” to describe NYC… also wrong. Guess you better just go to bed and try again tomorrow. Maybe New Jersey might serve you well; I heard there’s some honeys with money in Princeton… My roommate informed me of a triple threat treat that I found extremely relevant to the story at hand.
DESTROY the brownies like these beautiful men did at your hopes of monogamy. Once they are crumbled to smithereens, add 3/4 of the frosting and mix well. Drain any chance of an Abercrombie model approaching you and asking for your number along with the jar of maraschino cherries (is that brand even relevant any more?). Blot with a paper towel. Roll out , like they rolled out of predictability and society standards of a relationship, your chocolate concoction into balls. Ensure you place one cherry at the heart of each ball.... I could say some dirty gay joke here but my mouth is full of brownie batter ;) Then, enjoy this sweet trilogy of a dessert since you can no longer enjoy the day dream of one of these studs carrying you off on their dark horse since you wouldn't be his type(s). It's surprising, yet slightly relieving to learn that guys are almost as appalled as women of the frequency of dick pics being spread around. I'm hoping this post will spark conversation amongst our friends because, whether you know it or not, we all have AT LEAST one friend or distant acquaintance that has sent this trending pic. Why have a conscious if you can ignore it?^^^ "The only dic pick I'll ever send." -decent guyJust a few males' perspectives:
"I don't think sending it unsolicited is okay but if she wants one, why not?" "I'm indifferent until I get one-- then it's awfully disgusting or funny in a given context. " "I've always heard of guys doing that butI honestly thought it was a joke. Wtf guys?! You're making the rest of us look bad. " "The sad part is you're 100% right and as a guy it's an embarrassment that people do that. Like I don't understand where someone thinks it's a good idea or it's going to work haha" "A lot of weird women too btw. Half the profiles are fake lures to a chat site and my roommate has got a whole folder of photos from matches. Being that easy is a turn off for us. " "Hahahaha for sure why send that anyways like you said maybe down the road when you're w ur significant other. However I don't even ask for dirty pics let alone send em ha" "I mean I agree about the uncomfortable part idk maybe I'm just different as a guy. I'm comfortable w myself don't get me wrong but idk. I've just never understood where or how as a guy you could be sitting here and think you know let me send this girl a pic of my Dick right quick just randomly like I'm sitting here laughing just thinking about how that seems to be a great idea haha. " |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
April 2022
Categories
All
|