How much is too much to disclose at a first date? Sure there's been a series of conversations back and forth, vast majority of them via text with puns and wit inserted strategically. Exchange of pictures and sometimes funny videos or memes, but the nitty-gritty is usually never revealed until some sort of trust is established. Since we're vulnerable and meeting, in all reality, a stranger, usually we want a person that's not just going to hear you, but listen. Most of all that they're not going to judge you. What's my counseling backgrounds I crave I require a man. Relinquishes his past because it made him who he was. Little by little, I'll relinquish mine too and we can exist in our present knowing the backgrounds of each other. This is meant to happen over time. You can't rush things like this you can't play 20 questions about the people that cheated and the relationships that broke you. The people that impacted your life forever and the jobs that crushed you. Well unfortunately this man was not aware of this rule. We'll call him, Mr. Cranberry Vodka He scheduled our date at a bar at 6 so because of traffic and the weekday madness of working, I didn't have time to grab dinner, so I promptly made it at 6:04. Which anyone that knows me that's actually good time, because I'm going to be late for my own funeral, my own wedding (if ever happens and pigs fly), and I would have been late for my friends' weddings if I wasn't in it and slept over the night before. So upon arrival, he was a couple drinks in, no big deal. He said he got in there a little early but didn't indicate how early. We began talking about various topics but he kept guiding the conversation to hot button topics. I like serious talk as much as the next girl but I also like light-hearted jovial banter. I sidestepped his political topic and one about spirituality, but I couldn't sidestep his past. Upon talking about our past relationships, briefly of course, he revealed a very mentally abusive relationship that was very raw and recent. I certainly felt for him and shared my empathy. Unfazed by my responses, he continued from there. He revealed he finally had to leave the marriage. Again, I reinforced empathy while also being a little taken back that he was married. Divorce is something crushingly common and should always be discussed with delicacy. Next, he beckoned the famous question of why am I still single and I sneered about the bad dates I've been on in the past year or so. He inquired further, which I always fall into this trap... I revealed a couple of the highlights... one of which, a guy never informed me that he had children. Mr. Cranberry Vodka tightened in his stance. I guess it was more of a sitting posture since he wasn't standing at the bar. Bending his head over his girly cocktail, he muttered "I uhh... have two." Sipping the air between my teeth as I managed to bite my tongue, I tanked the end of my drink. Still trying to process that there was absolutely NO transparency in this date via text, his lips continued to move. His two children were older... older! So a 14 year old and a 9-year-old... doing the math in my head, I motioned for another drink from the bartender with hardly an ounce of tact, but I didn't care. He tried to maintain eye contact as he conveyed how much they have endured and how I wouldn't meet them for a long time-- if ever. WHAT? Why would you even say that? I understand wanting to protect them but there's more eloquent phrasing he could have selected here. Oh, and one of them just "came out" to him. LOOK. I know EVERYONE has baggage but this dude was plain sneaky about all of this! I wouldn't want to disclose all of this either but holy hell! That's a lot to dump on someone you've been dating a few months but the first time you ever lay eyes on them, you tell them about your abuse, divorce, kids, and sexuality of the oldest one? Dizzy from both the outcome of this date and drinking on an empty stomach, I blurted out that I need to eat something. Casually, he responded, "oh, I already ate- got here at 4." Wowwwwwwww.... I'm done. He hugged me, tried for a kiss but I was wayyyyyy too ready to deflect it and I walked out of the bar and out of his life. There IS such thing as disclosing too much on a first date.
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"Men are from Mars, girls are from Venus" "Guys are waffles, girls are spaghetti" --alluding to men's ability to compartmentalize things like syrup, unsalted butter, and powdered sugar. Women's emotions, circumstances, and words are often a tangled mess but are enticing with the right sauce. The comparisons extend beyond highways and sun rays. We've heard it all, haven't we? I beg to differ. I've been submerged in the dating scene for almost 2 years now and I've crafted my own comparison... If you've been a Dates and Cakes follower from the start, these may ring a bell. I just wanted to create a post of them together: sweetness and shapes. White chocolate cranberry cookies are very in touch with their emotions. They are great! You may even think you have found the one, until her season changes. White chocolate cranberry cookies are typically affiliated with one season out of the year and are sometimes hard to find the other 10 months. They're a flight risk and more times than not, they will be the one to leave. These cookies are typically needy and begging for your attention because of their scars as bright as cranberries. They've been cheated on, possibly more than once. Since white chocolate doesn't contain real chocolate, they seek it in other places aka compliments. Cranberry white chocolate cookies tend to be more open with their insecurities due to feeling like they don't measure up to other cookies. Like all the rare Pokemon, catch Em if you can ;) WALNUT COOKIES These are the girls that find out things about you you never revealed, they are always the ones to tell you they love you first, and it's only a matter of when they get mad that you're not responding quickly enough via phone or text or DM. These are the girls that gives us "closer to normal" girls a bad rap. They use manipulation and sex appeal to get you to themselves. Don't be surprised with their abrasive nature. No matter how hard you try, you can't avoid those cranberries. They break off halfway through the cookie. White chocolate isn't even chocolate! There's no cocoa in their ingredients, just solely cocoa butter and lard. These cookies are jealous and clean your pantry out when you're not looking. They despise chocolate and anything with cinnamon because they find their enriching flavor threatening. They're even jealous of friends and strive to isolate their man. Chocolate Chip make the ULTIMATE side piece. They compliment everything from subs to soup bread bowls to ice cream. Even dieters can’t resist “just a taste.” Chocolate Chips will do things your cookie wouldn't dare, satisfying fantasies you've dreamed of. She'll stain your shirt and wreck your appetite. Tempting is her game which she is no rookie... just gaze behind the bakery display case or into the break room snack counter; she's there and she's beckoning. Why is there almost no chance for longevity with these cookies? Someone somewhere claimed:“Can’t make a hoe a housewife.” Well, I think it’s safe to say this was in reference to a chocolate chip. Oatmeal Raisin This cookie is the alma mater of grandmas everywhere. Very old-fashioned and usually always at the bottom of the jar when all other cookies have been chosen. This cookie is sweet-- sure, but not satisfying enough for it to be the only cookie to enjoy for the rest of your life. Oatmeal's typically have plain conversations, plain aspirations, plain routines of their day-to-day life, and plain intimacy. I don't solely mean physically; even their divulging of secrets and inner depths of their past is plain. There is absolutely no spark with these cookies and it's pretty much fair to say, they are not the greatest kissers. These girls are good for someone but just not enough to take on a second date or even commit to memory. To someone, somewhere, everyone has been an oatmeal. You just weren't what they were looking for or your morals/interests/passions didn't quite line up. Even the container for oats has a santa-esque grandpa on the cover. Good ole Quaker probably has solid, nutritional intentions but luring the wrong crowd. Skittles Cookies Skittles are pretty, a 10 out of 10 on the hottness scale. They're luring with their bright colors and their obvious flavor but, didn't your mama ever teach you, "things are more than they appear" or "looks aren't everything?" That statement will never have reigned so true until you have tasted this cookie. There's hardly a guy that isn't attracted to her. She can't go anywhere without being showered with compliments or begged for her digits. But, underneath all that beauty is typically a whole lot of ugly or at least a lack of consistency, confusion. Any guy that pursues her needs to keep his eyes fixed on his rear-view mirror; there is always someone trying to pursue her and quite frankly, she wouldn't have it any other way. Butterscotch Cookies This girl puts “wife-material” to shame. She is the girl that guys don’t want now because they are just having fun but when they’re ready to find something of depth, this is the cookie they’ll all be ravinish for. She is the girl you want to take to have tea with your grandparents or go putt-putting with your nieces and nephews. “She’s beauty and she’s grace; she’s Miss United States.” Sorry— couldn’t resist quoting Miss Congeniality… Did I mention she’s funny? She’s driven and together and the type of girl that once you’ve tasted her, you’re not sure how you settled for anything less. She is the true “diamond in the rough” but is easily cast aside. She’s nearly as considerate as a nun on Sunday but wrapped in much more mischief and mystery. Girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are mud and snails and puppy dog tails Boys Are 3-D Shapes, like the Children's GameDating is a lot like the toddler game with 3-D shapes, with the goal of finding your shape that fits best. Remember? The game where the container has a lid with cut outs of squares, stars, rectangles, and triangles. Each guy has their own qualities that make them similar and classifiable. Guys typically talk less than girls, considerably; women use about 20,000 words a day while men only utilize 7,000 words (BBC,2012). ~SQUARES are what the kids these days call "fuck boys". ~RECTANGLES are a step up. They put fourth a little effort but still have the same shallow priorities as a square. ~CIRCLES can go either way, they just have no angle for a spark . Usually there is no foreseeable future, long or sometimes short-term with a circle. ~STARS are the ultimate- I have found several of these; some star stars shine brighter and some are like falling stars, once brilliant and then never to be seen again. The key is finding the star for you. So whether you're trying to find your constellation or butterscotch cookie, your work is cut out for you in this secular world. Grab a glass, your ambition, and your perseverance.... good luck!Picture and Statistic Sources:
www.bbc.com/future/story/20131112-do-women-talk-more-than-men https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41skqXGd1GL._SY355_.jpg So, I didn't save the pictures because I was slightly mortified but it turned out, I was talking to a man that was pushing 400 pounds. EASILY. I wouldn't consider myself as shallow but that's just not my cup of tea. So, I eased off of the conversation but didn't have the heart to block him. Last night, things took a turn for the worst.
This boy dresses in drag. He has a name for "her" and EVERYTHING! Look-- I love dancing at gay bars; I've been to more drag shows than I can count and had the time of my life! I've been a supporter of AIDS Foundation in Charleston 6 months after moving here, I have friends and family and clients that identify as LGBTQ...LMNOP (I'm not sure what the latest letters that have been added are but there's quite a few), and encourage people to be truly themselves. Personally, I just don't want to date someone that identifies sometimes as a woman. I am a woman and regardless of how many of my friends drunkenly swung that way in college, that's just not me. The thing that got me most about this interaction with Mr. Jessica is: A) how open he was to share this with a stranger B) how he thought even my most atrocious pictures were attractive (yes, sadly when he asked for pictures after sending his, I sent some with chin-inducing angles and the stench of regret portraying hungover in the hills) C) this would never work... he has bigger boobs than me! Not to mention... I have the same bra. Guess he appreciates Victoria Secret's Semi Annual Sale too D) how he was completely perplexed as to why I distanced myself from flirting or too much contact following this alternative identity preference Gosh my life is NEVER boring. 3 cheers for dating: hip hip ....wtf. |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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