Season: Winter 2020 Location: Salt Lake City, Fort Worth, and DentonAlthough I love the chase of guys beyond my zip code and often timezone, from November to January of 2020 I took the pledge that I would give up dating to re-frame my priorities and... date me?I always found it slightly cliche and a tad obnoxious to announce that you're loving yourself or dating yourself. We've all heard that no one is gonna love you until you love yourself and love will happen when you least expect it so enjoy your singleness while you have it. YADA YADA YA. So, I let a couple more short-term-shorties into my messages and heart with the attitude that we aren't dating or pursuing each other and they loved the idea. Yes, there was a dose of sarcasm there.... we have always been a culture of rapid consumption so waiting is .... well unique and foreign. Yet, I have Mr. Body Boost, Mr. Temporary 2 Step, and Mr. Type A Charleston that have made their way through the busted filter of not-dating-for-2-months-for-Jesus. *rolls eyes* Stephanie!!! It can't really be that horrible being alone with your thoughts that you have to occupy your head space with temporary subject changes. Welllllllll, in the order they were named, we began dancing the dance DatesandCakes is notorious for. I could perform the choreography in my sleep. We flirted shamelessly, showered each other in compliments, never addressed the elephant on the map of our distance, and warmed the phone lines with our smiles. I revealed my promise to God for singleness, which accomplished two things: gaged his position on the man upstairs and honoring my desires. They identified the difficulty in the stance I was taking but all smirked at the challenge..... To be elaborated on...... soon.
0 Comments
Although my favorite Disney princess has always been a 3-way tie between Pochahontas, Mulan, and Belle, I have always wanted to be referred to as "Belle with her nose in a book." Even if someone somewhere just said it once.I used to spend hours in the Mount Pleasant library, 4 minutes from my house, collecting travel books, cookbooks, and devotionals for rent. There was one time when I even felt the eyes from the security guard on me; not because he thought I slipped a book in my bag without checking it out, but with interest of some sort. Then again, it could have very well been in my head. ;)Fast Forward to my library adventures in Texas post-heart expenditure: November 2020.Heart Expenditure (noun): The state in which one's heart has let too many "potentials" in, only to be underwhelmed. In this datesandcakes definition specifically, it was allowing 4 guys into my heart space in the span of 7 months. If you're thinking the math doesn't add up, you'll be happy to learn that insecurity was my common denominator. All of them retreated and I was left with the wreckage of myself and my own undoing in November 2020. Instead of living out the definition of insanity, I tried a new hobby to distract me from dating and breaking down. If you've ever sat in a room with me, you'd know within seconds that I do not. sit. still. So, reading novels has always been a struggle, even in school with AP classes that required summer reading. But, here I was, looking, hoping for something new. I read the book to the left in four days and the book on the right in five. They were RIVETING. I felt alive and accomplished and was providing my own approval for a change. One common theme (besides murder muhahah! What can I say? I always loved Nancy Drew even though it took me weeks to finish one because of all my "distractions") quickly surfaced that men should not be trusted. I'm sure you're thinking, how convenient that datesandcakes reads books to support her serial dating trend and is, like most women, an innocent bystander.
These books actually helped me realize how many of the guys I've dated are and will always be, strangers. I knew more about these characters and how they face fear, mortality, morals, integrity, and greed than the four from the pandemic. For cereal, if I do ever write a book or series of books, one of them HAS to be "The Four From the Pandemic: How to Date During a Pandemic and Insure You Leave Pieces Behind." But being totally shallow here (because deep down, we all have been at one time or another), these two titles scream some of my insecurities that lead me to date these guys that were not fit for me. AT ALL. I wanted to be a pretty thing on his arm and gosh, did I want to be seen. But the more carona cases reported, with maps stretched as far as the screen can capture, the more people I realize are out there that could be that match. Maybe my pretty thing is in Morocco and I've been too distracted with the wrong corners of the compass. I'm alone and could not be happier. .... I don't know if that's gasp worthy or cliche but.... today, at this moment while clacking this blog out, pressed against a heating pad when I should very well be asleep, I'm at peace with saying that. :)) The cakes will still be baked, the vlogs will still be recorded, and God knows the attention will still be yearned for, but I'm hopefully going to approach it better. Here's for hoping and for new hobbies! Single Ole Bird Left With PiecesPersonally, Reese's pieces are my least favorite of the Reese's family (the candy-coated sheep if you will). They have no chocolate, which seems like an impostor thing to do and m'nms are better so.... that's how the candy crumbles! BUT, with this post, and the introduction of my coined "heart expenditure," I found this candy suiting and this recipe humorous. Y'all know I enjoy a good joke and I often "roast" myself so.... Ingredients
Instructions
An excerpt from DatesandCakes in the early days:There’s a fine line between anesthetized and shattered. The numbness a girl can harness is safe, a way to wrap herself in protection from sweet, little lies. But it is so easy to let someone in. To feel something for once that’s deceptively beautiful. You can say you won’t let another one in— this time I’m going to “just have fun” or “date like a guy and keep the emotion out of it” but, is that ever reality? Can you ever truly leave emotion out of it when you’ve made that connection? I wrestle with this every dozen guys or so. I say this so casually because connections are rare in the perfect amount: not too scarce but not easily tangible. So, upon discovering said connection, a rush tingles through your fingertips and now there’s a difference when his name flashes on your phone versus the others. But don’t underestimate the importance of “the others.” These play a part when this temporary “connection” pulls away. When he fades like just another sunset, you’re not alone. It’s a shallow kind of comfort but the heart becomes desperate when struck. This wrapped with a warped confidence that you’re worth it keeps you warm through another night… well, warm enough—it’s not “him” after all. But don’t be naive enough to think you’re the only operator harnessing the secret weapon of “others.” Your “connection” not only has “others” but, there’s a chance you’re one of his. I know, that stings. Isn’t infatuation fun? The Connection?Appreciation is a thing that should be constantly brought to the surface. THIS scene from PInk Panther (the remake of course, no Peter Sellers but, good none the less) is a joy, along with this epiphany I made about "the others." Since I haven't posted much since the last ache, this story is recovery.
This guy strolled up to the bestie and I stood beside her, like a shiny new pack of gum, peaking out of her purse. Wait... what? Gave ya something to chew on, huh? ;) Lol anywhooooooooooo My eyes trimmed in coal mascara skimmed the bar. They came to a screeching halt when I read a graphic t-shirt that read: pizza planet. Instantly let my nerd show and sparked a conversation about it. My intention was to escort myself to the dance floor after that quick Disney convo, but he SO HAPPENED to be the friend of the guy talking to my bestie. AND he had a country accent so thick, my feet seemed stuck right beside him. There's something about an accent so thicc, I can spread on toast... Like another round of shutdowns in 2020, I'm back! .....too soon... Well, this gent and I got to talking about interests and he said he lays pie-puh for work. I'm sorry, what?! Accent so thick, I could spread it on toast! It was sweeter than the green apple crown he got me. Then, ADHeffingD Stephanie tuned into the Shakira song that the dj delighted the honky tonk with. Without missing a beat, this country stranger from Oklahoma got to see first hand, Stephanie in her natural habitat. Breaking it down on the dance floor like I was back in Spain with that strong Reggaeton beat, I was in my element. Not quite a spectacle, but the Crown maybe told me a different story. As soon as the genre changed to country, he, Mr. Other Accent of Honey approached me and spun me into a two-stepping spree. I have no clue what song it was, but I beamed. I loved it! A country nerd spinning and twirling me around in the moment like a bowl of whipping cream and powdered sugar.... foreshadowing. At some point, he asked for a kiss, but I told him this wasn't Hershey's. As we turned, so did the clock and closing time was calling us home. We stepped outside as a group; him and his friend invited us back to their lake house, but before the invite fully dropped out of their mouth, I politely declined. Mr. Other Accent of Honey turned his head, "Wool, ken I at leeeest git yur phoooone number?" <<<best phonetic imitation of this bearded Okie. I slyly shook my head, with no fear of becoming dizzy. My bestie I suppose showed her sly side by slipping my number into his phone while I turned to look for our Uber. We parted ways with a smile and I knew that was the one and only time I'd hear that honey drawl and I was completely content. I kneaded that (like fresh dough on a floured surface). How simply our interaction illustrated that there are plenty of southern fish in the sea; some that are just here for fin and some that didn't belong in your part of the ocean anyway. Even though sometimes foundation is the goal, a dollop of fun that can even be bought out of a can Actual footage of my heart:This "other" showed me that I should whip those feelings of regret with the last country boy with a honeysuckle accent that also tangled me up on that same dance floor. Life is dolloped with sweetness that many times, isn't meant to last. That's the art to its sugar. Like any dessert on datesandcakes, it's sweet while it lasts but, the tray of brownies will eventually deplete or grow stale. It's the memories made while preparing these brownies and the time they borrowed and impression they made.... even if it landed on your hips ;)) Others' Whipped Cream
Her eyes are light in the storm of screams.
Cold as a metal, ripping scenes. Basking in a brutal brunette beauty. Festering in fallacies madness mutual. The cringe before the revolution. Harboring in the waves, she became the depression. Freedom is merely a security secession. Her future as a funnel, with remains a phone. She started like windows "alas, I'm alone." Ill-timed dating, a morphing revolution You Only Live Once (YOLO) so 2 years talking and 4 days in my bed and he's "just living for the moment."Mr. Fine Lines is a guy that I thought was special since he picked me over my bestie through Snapchat. He kept contact throughout the course of three homes I packed and unpacked through and through 2 1/2 boyfriends. Sidebar: It's not that "the 1/2" was half a man but, he was someone I was kind of serious about but declined his request to become his girlfriend. He was fine being in the background because he values his freedom more than his space; for him, they are not interchangeable. He wants his space to be consumed with bright screens, clouds of smoke, materialism, ammunition for verbal and physical jousts, and mentions of wanting a family. The freedom is for the freaking. He was a strategist, apparent in his use of words and applications of compliments. He alludes to you being the "perfect woman" but, never the perfect woman for him. It's irrelevant if I thought we were compatible. Which, since I'm pouring this out... I didn't, point blank. The timing was "just right," revealing "just the right amount" of what-you-wanna-hear while spooling the mystery. He never revealed too much, yet talked quite a bit-- especially leading up to the trip where he flew into my space, head, and fears. In the countdown of the 2 weeks prior to him landing in Dallas, he strategized the physical aspect of our anticipated time together. After our first encounter, he revealed that he seldom speaks to girls that sleep with him on the first date. The double standard that he relayed through the phone enraged me and quite frankly, should have ceased future efforts. I rebuttled with, "Shhyeah, like you weren't naked pressed against me. You wouldn't have stopped me if we did it." "Probably not, but how am I to know that girl doesn't sleep with other guys on the first date?" Rolling my eyes, I must have suppressed that red flag wrapped conversation because I entertained not one but two flights for our second encounter/date/rendezvous. The first one, I canceled because of Covid and another lust-interest that was pursuing me HARD. He even went as far to make a bet with me of who would give-in first to sex. YUP, for $50. So much for reserving bets for noble steeds. Am I so naive to scroll past the painfully sexual text messages to see what I wanted to hear and ONLY what I wanted to hear? Like the card game, I'm gonna call BS on ALL of it.You teased me with words like:
Your finale wouldn't be complete without:
His actions conveyed he dreaded a relationship with me since my plans, like most living in this pandemic, are not etched in ink. This is contrary to his words in a prior conversation about an ex-interest of mine that has now deemed himself pan-sexual. Mr. Fine Line got slightly heated and used choice words about such an arrangement. He stressed that it should be just you and your person. Then, in person, he exhibited macho status when Since he was all about things being "just right" and him "not wanting to share" yet he could be active on dating apps In no effort to be ironic, his dessert is a British breakfast and he is the closest person to Ron Swanson I've ever met. I give you, like the 3 home-cooked meals I gave him with not as much as a "thx bro," |
Culture is another delectable part of visiting an unfamiliar city. One of my favorite places is Toledo, Spain. It was inhabited by the Romans and then taken over by Iberians and then captured by The Spanish. You can see all the different influences across the city and heavily in the architecture. Toledo, Spain is actually where the phrase "holy Toledo" came from because it's considered one of the holiest cities in Europe. It symbolizes Roman Catholicism, Muslim, and Judaism. |
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
I'm going to continue to write and travel but fork dating for the rest of 2020~
With your Ivory fingers on the tweezers,
Your red lips are a thin line touring the connector box.
The power source is a perfect formulation of numbers.
Numbers so tightly wound,
Their sparks of electricity bring vulnerability.
I don't slight you from holding that back.
Our relationship would be a disaster so,
It only reinforces your surface interaction.
I fell right between the lines, so you could leave me for dead.
Learn from DatesandCakes, you're NOT an option, you're the solution-- hell, you may well be the purpose. You're the fire and the fight that makes it all worth it. You're to be pursued and wooed. You're the warmth that is otherwise unattainable. You are valued, cherished, treasured, and damn well are enough.
Thrilled by it all, the initial invitation into my life,
the alleged unique connection, and the tension.
I tiptoe on coals as to not burn the entirety of my sole.
The touch is inevitable and intentional...
But never quite sensual.
Maybe for a moment, but it fades like paint on a front door.
The compliments are currency and my time scenes expendable.
Investing in the wrong interests and compliments.
Even the radio blurts this message:
"Am I only a lab rat? Something you can test things out?" ~Dissolve
"What's the difference between broken love in prison?" Scumbag
It's not that I needed to feel someone to feel something... Or maybe it was. Reconnecting with an old Flame with his knowledge of everything that's going on is still more than a mutual swipe after closing time.
I'm drawn to connections that don't require a tower signal or battery to illuminate the topics discussed. I long to be selected-- for someone to say, "I NEED to know more about that ____." And eventually formulate the conclusion that he also needs that spunky person in their life.
He didn't need liquid courage to approach me, or the pressure to "lock someone down" by last call. Even the hope of starting a story at a bar became bleak when pandemic lock-downs were mandated.
The simplicity, but possibilities a night out offers seemed so distant from March to June across the country.
A dark desperation spread across the single world of inconsistent daters and many of us grasped pens and the hope left to write a dating story. Not one for love, and God knows not one forever, but a story; a connection with someone when it wasn't permitted naturally for the unforeseeable future.
I entertained:
- guys more than 3 years younger than me
- only guys residing 1+ hour away geographically but emotionally, zones away
- guys with no hobbies in common INCLUDING music taste for all but one
Refusal to be left behind.
Refusal to not be capable of my full potential.
Reusual for final submission — admitting defeat to spontinuity.
This writer is going places alone and for those that refunded their ticket, they'll quickly learn, this companion will be hard extremely hard to replace.
Open-Minded Watermelon Cake
- 1.5 x portions of Yos Pink Velvet Cake
- 1 batch of Yo's Italian Meringue Buttercream
- Red Red Icing Color
- 2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (divided)
- 4 drops of watermelon extract
- 4lbs White Fondant
- Moss Green Icing Color
- Kelly Green Icing Color
- Buttercup Yellow Icing Color
- Ivory Icing Color
- Watermelon (used as a model)
https://howtocakeit.com/blogs/recipes/watermelon-cake
Rhythm and words quite familiar
A melodic explanation of a mood
Track 8 presumes her a filler
Then an anthem not for sharing
Lyrics establish loyal pursuit
One-and-only self-preparing
Steel trust now accessible loot
A flash of light with notification
His active dating app chorus
Revealing wilting patience
B flat taunts: there was no "us"
Flashbacks of a similar cadence
Side two seals it with kiss
Force his memory into just a dance
Unfinished record, inevitable dis
Sure showed the record player
Leveling up the harp and heart string
Casting her skies shades grayer
Farewell to another shoal fling
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
Archives
April 2022
March 2022
February 2022
January 2022
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
Categories
All
2020
2 Centuries
Alluring
Anxiety
Artful
Baking
Baking Video
Bar Tales
Best Friends
Bittersweet
Boredom
Boy Bye
Brave
Breakup
Broken Hearted
Celebrations
Cheater
Chocolate
Convenience
Creative Writing
Date By Numbers
Dates
Dates And Cakes
Dating
Deep Thoughts
Depression
Dick Pic
Dirty John
Double Infinity
Dumped
Empowering Growth
Encouragement
Endings
Exploration Of Self
Fear And Insecurities
Fling
Flirt
Friend Zone
Ghosting
Giving Love A Chance
Goodbye
Grief
Gypsy
He Just Wanted The Cookie
Hilarious
Holidays
Honesty
Hope
Hopeless Romantic
How To
Humor
Hurt
I'm Sorry
Independent
Infidelity
Is Chivalry Dead?
Judgmental
Just A Fling
Kissing
Learning
Life Lessons
Lo
Loss Of A Loved One
Lyrics
Moving On
Music
My Love Life Is A Joke
Mysterious
National Poetry Month
Netflix
New Orleans
Nice Guys Finish Last
No Good
Not A Fairy Tale
Numb
Online Dating
Online Dating Blog
Pandemic
Past
Perfecting The Player
Perspective
Physical
Poetry
Power Of Confidence
Relationships
Relationships And Love
Self Respect
Self-Respect
Sequel
Serial Dater
Series
Sex And Relationships
Shallow
Temporary
Texting
Text Messages
Time
Touch
Travel
True Story
Unique
Used
Very Bad Dates
Vlog
Why I'm Single
Words