An excerpt from DatesandCakes in the early days:There’s a fine line between anesthetized and shattered. The numbness a girl can harness is safe, a way to wrap herself in protection from sweet, little lies. But it is so easy to let someone in. To feel something for once that’s deceptively beautiful. You can say you won’t let another one in— this time I’m going to “just have fun” or “date like a guy and keep the emotion out of it” but, is that ever reality? Can you ever truly leave emotion out of it when you’ve made that connection? I wrestle with this every dozen guys or so. I say this so casually because connections are rare in the perfect amount: not too scarce but not easily tangible. So, upon discovering said connection, a rush tingles through your fingertips and now there’s a difference when his name flashes on your phone versus the others. But don’t underestimate the importance of “the others.” These play a part when this temporary “connection” pulls away. When he fades like just another sunset, you’re not alone. It’s a shallow kind of comfort but the heart becomes desperate when struck. This wrapped with a warped confidence that you’re worth it keeps you warm through another night… well, warm enough—it’s not “him” after all. But don’t be naive enough to think you’re the only operator harnessing the secret weapon of “others.” Your “connection” not only has “others” but, there’s a chance you’re one of his. I know, that stings. Isn’t infatuation fun? The Connection?Appreciation is a thing that should be constantly brought to the surface. THIS scene from PInk Panther (the remake of course, no Peter Sellers but, good none the less) is a joy, along with this epiphany I made about "the others." Since I haven't posted much since the last ache, this story is recovery.
This guy strolled up to the bestie and I stood beside her, like a shiny new pack of gum, peaking out of her purse. Wait... what? Gave ya something to chew on, huh? ;) Lol anywhooooooooooo My eyes trimmed in coal mascara skimmed the bar. They came to a screeching halt when I read a graphic t-shirt that read: pizza planet. Instantly let my nerd show and sparked a conversation about it. My intention was to escort myself to the dance floor after that quick Disney convo, but he SO HAPPENED to be the friend of the guy talking to my bestie. AND he had a country accent so thick, my feet seemed stuck right beside him. There's something about an accent so thicc, I can spread on toast... Like another round of shutdowns in 2020, I'm back! .....too soon... Well, this gent and I got to talking about interests and he said he lays pie-puh for work. I'm sorry, what?! Accent so thick, I could spread it on toast! It was sweeter than the green apple crown he got me. Then, ADHeffingD Stephanie tuned into the Shakira song that the dj delighted the honky tonk with. Without missing a beat, this country stranger from Oklahoma got to see first hand, Stephanie in her natural habitat. Breaking it down on the dance floor like I was back in Spain with that strong Reggaeton beat, I was in my element. Not quite a spectacle, but the Crown maybe told me a different story. As soon as the genre changed to country, he, Mr. Other Accent of Honey approached me and spun me into a two-stepping spree. I have no clue what song it was, but I beamed. I loved it! A country nerd spinning and twirling me around in the moment like a bowl of whipping cream and powdered sugar.... foreshadowing. At some point, he asked for a kiss, but I told him this wasn't Hershey's. As we turned, so did the clock and closing time was calling us home. We stepped outside as a group; him and his friend invited us back to their lake house, but before the invite fully dropped out of their mouth, I politely declined. Mr. Other Accent of Honey turned his head, "Wool, ken I at leeeest git yur phoooone number?" <<<best phonetic imitation of this bearded Okie. I slyly shook my head, with no fear of becoming dizzy. My bestie I suppose showed her sly side by slipping my number into his phone while I turned to look for our Uber. We parted ways with a smile and I knew that was the one and only time I'd hear that honey drawl and I was completely content. I kneaded that (like fresh dough on a floured surface). How simply our interaction illustrated that there are plenty of southern fish in the sea; some that are just here for fin and some that didn't belong in your part of the ocean anyway. Even though sometimes foundation is the goal, a dollop of fun that can even be bought out of a can Actual footage of my heart:This "other" showed me that I should whip those feelings of regret with the last country boy with a honeysuckle accent that also tangled me up on that same dance floor. Life is dolloped with sweetness that many times, isn't meant to last. That's the art to its sugar. Like any dessert on datesandcakes, it's sweet while it lasts but, the tray of brownies will eventually deplete or grow stale. It's the memories made while preparing these brownies and the time they borrowed and impression they made.... even if it landed on your hips ;)) Others' Whipped Cream
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Her eyes are light in the storm of screams.
Cold as a metal, ripping scenes. Basking in a brutal brunette beauty. Festering in fallacies madness mutual. The cringe before the revolution. Harboring in the waves, she became the depression. Freedom is merely a security secession. Her future as a funnel, with remains a phone. She started like windows "alas, I'm alone." Ill-timed dating, a morphing revolution Quite familiar with the board game folded
If it were cards, a glance I'd have stolen Only to learn what suspicion spoke He too is a fiction chapter book No future to picture, as the pages turn Not Ray Bradbury's, but this too will burn Promising plot, but no deliberate direction Large font so suitableness is lost in affection Only when hands are mounted under hemlines No deviation for wandering of men's minds Strictly convenient with counterfeit caring Wrapped in more than his pages, conscious blaring Life lives him as him time title tease Colorful character but his ending: easy to read Replace to the shelf before he tries the same Alas, there's copious curves from this dame You Only Live Once (YOLO) so 2 years talking and 4 days in my bed and he's "just living for the moment."Mr. Fine Lines is a guy that I thought was special since he picked me over my bestie through Snapchat. He kept contact throughout the course of three homes I packed and unpacked through and through 2 1/2 boyfriends. Sidebar: It's not that "the 1/2" was half a man but, he was someone I was kind of serious about but declined his request to become his girlfriend. He was fine being in the background because he values his freedom more than his space; for him, they are not interchangeable. He wants his space to be consumed with bright screens, clouds of smoke, materialism, ammunition for verbal and physical jousts, and mentions of wanting a family. The freedom is for the freaking. He was a strategist, apparent in his use of words and applications of compliments. He alludes to you being the "perfect woman" but, never the perfect woman for him. It's irrelevant if I thought we were compatible. Which, since I'm pouring this out... I didn't, point blank. The timing was "just right," revealing "just the right amount" of what-you-wanna-hear while spooling the mystery. He never revealed too much, yet talked quite a bit-- especially leading up to the trip where he flew into my space, head, and fears. In the countdown of the 2 weeks prior to him landing in Dallas, he strategized the physical aspect of our anticipated time together. After our first encounter, he revealed that he seldom speaks to girls that sleep with him on the first date. The double standard that he relayed through the phone enraged me and quite frankly, should have ceased future efforts. I rebuttled with, "Shhyeah, like you weren't naked pressed against me. You wouldn't have stopped me if we did it." "Probably not, but how am I to know that girl doesn't sleep with other guys on the first date?" Rolling my eyes, I must have suppressed that red flag wrapped conversation because I entertained not one but two flights for our second encounter/date/rendezvous. The first one, I canceled because of Covid and another lust-interest that was pursuing me HARD. He even went as far to make a bet with me of who would give-in first to sex. YUP, for $50. So much for reserving bets for noble steeds. Am I so naive to scroll past the painfully sexual text messages to see what I wanted to hear and ONLY what I wanted to hear? Like the card game, I'm gonna call BS on ALL of it.You teased me with words like:
Your finale wouldn't be complete without:
His actions conveyed he dreaded a relationship with me since my plans, like most living in this pandemic, are not etched in ink. This is contrary to his words in a prior conversation about an ex-interest of mine that has now deemed himself pan-sexual. Mr. Fine Line got slightly heated and used choice words about such an arrangement. He stressed that it should be just you and your person. Then, in person, he exhibited macho status when Since he was all about things being "just right" and him "not wanting to share" yet he could be active on dating apps In no effort to be ironic, his dessert is a British breakfast and he is the closest person to Ron Swanson I've ever met. I give you, like the 3 home-cooked meals I gave him with not as much as a "thx bro," |
Culture is another delectable part of visiting an unfamiliar city. One of my favorite places is Toledo, Spain. It was inhabited by the Romans and then taken over by Iberians and then captured by The Spanish. You can see all the different influences across the city and heavily in the architecture. Toledo, Spain is actually where the phrase "holy Toledo" came from because it's considered one of the holiest cities in Europe. It symbolizes Roman Catholicism, Muslim, and Judaism. |
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
I'm going to continue to write and travel but fork dating for the rest of 2020~
With your Ivory fingers on the tweezers,
Your red lips are a thin line touring the connector box.
The power source is a perfect formulation of numbers.
Numbers so tightly wound,
Their sparks of electricity bring vulnerability.
I don't slight you from holding that back.
Our relationship would be a disaster so,
It only reinforces your surface interaction.
Thrilled by it all, the initial invitation into my life,
the alleged unique connection, and the tension.
I tiptoe on coals as to not burn the entirety of my sole.
The touch is inevitable and intentional...
But never quite sensual.
Maybe for a moment, but it fades like paint on a front door.
The compliments are currency and my time scenes expendable.
Investing in the wrong interests and compliments.
Even the radio blurts this message:
"Am I only a lab rat? Something you can test things out?" ~Dissolve
"What's the difference between broken love in prison?" Scumbag
It's not that I needed to feel someone to feel something... Or maybe it was. Reconnecting with an old Flame with his knowledge of everything that's going on is still more than a mutual swipe after closing time.
I'm drawn to connections that don't require a tower signal or battery to illuminate the topics discussed. I long to be selected-- for someone to say, "I NEED to know more about that ____." And eventually formulate the conclusion that he also needs that spunky person in their life.
He didn't need liquid courage to approach me, or the pressure to "lock someone down" by last call. Even the hope of starting a story at a bar became bleak when pandemic lock-downs were mandated.
The simplicity, but possibilities a night out offers seemed so distant from March to June across the country.
A dark desperation spread across the single world of inconsistent daters and many of us grasped pens and the hope left to write a dating story. Not one for love, and God knows not one forever, but a story; a connection with someone when it wasn't permitted naturally for the unforeseeable future.
I entertained:
- guys more than 3 years younger than me
- only guys residing 1+ hour away geographically but emotionally, zones away
- guys with no hobbies in common INCLUDING music taste for all but one
Refusal to be left behind.
Refusal to not be capable of my full potential.
Reusual for final submission — admitting defeat to spontinuity.
This writer is going places alone and for those that refunded their ticket, they'll quickly learn, this companion will be hard extremely hard to replace.
Open-Minded Watermelon Cake
- 1.5 x portions of Yos Pink Velvet Cake
- 1 batch of Yo's Italian Meringue Buttercream
- Red Red Icing Color
- 2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (divided)
- 4 drops of watermelon extract
- 4lbs White Fondant
- Moss Green Icing Color
- Kelly Green Icing Color
- Buttercup Yellow Icing Color
- Ivory Icing Color
- Watermelon (used as a model)
https://howtocakeit.com/blogs/recipes/watermelon-cake
Remember the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?" Well.... DatesandCakes has her own real approach on it!
Guess I'll have to continue to play the cards I've been dealt.
Catfishing is when someone posts an attractive picture of themselves that is no longer an accurate portrayal of them, current day. Sometimes, they even go to the extent of using someone else's picture!
I was minding my business, baking as usual when a new add from snapchat flashed on my phone. I glanced at the screenname to ensure it wasn't something like grinder4lyfe or puffNpussy and then the bitmoji icon and accepted the request. For those less than obsessed with Snapchat, you can create your own avatar on Snapchat to resemble you.... mind you, this is typically how that person sees themselves and isn't always an accurate portrayal.
Why would you prose such a statement, Stephanie? Could you be foreshadowing something?
I returned to the conversation. His nerd side was exemplified when he geeked out about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones (I have seen neither). I know, I know. GOT is on "my list" to watch but, I don't really sit still long enough to get wrapped into a show and I fell asleep in the theater for Lord of the Rings. I actually enjoy seeing someone nerd out on something that is important to them since I do the same with classic Disney, all things Joker, and Harry Potter (think I'm a Griffinpuff). The words exchanged between him and I mixed like melted butter and melting marshmallows.
As I continued to multitask, I received another snap message, which took my focus off Mr. Bottom Feeder for a few seconds. When my eyes returned to the list of screen names, It took me at least 30 seconds to figure out which one he was (sorry not sorry? plenty of fish in my sea ;)
When I finally found which one was him, I asked for a picture to save in the chat. He sent one already loaded on his Tinder. This is where my suspicion rose.
"I like your beard," I commented politely, "but can you send me a current one?"
Confrontation for the FIN!
He tried to blame society and the shallow focus and I was having NONE of that.
I said, "Look, if guys are able to swipe left or leave a date with a girl that is not his preferable circumference, then I can certainly do the same. This was dishonest and I have nothing left to say on the matter."
I left in a splash.
Dessert should be something fishy.... lol maybe with Swedish fish or imitating?
- 4 tbsp butter
- 4 cups miniature marshmallows
- 6 cups crispy rice cereal
- 20 gummy worms
- 2 boxes green-colored Fruit Roll-Ups
- 30 fish-shaped gummy candies
- Prepare a 12 by 17 inch baking sheet by lining it with waxed paper and spraying the paper with nonstick cooking spray.
- Place 2 tablespoons of butter in a large microwave-safe bowl, and microwave until melted about 45 seconds.
- Add 2 cups of miniature marshmallows to the bowl, and microwave until the marshmallows are completely melted, about 1 minute, stirring every 30 seconds. Stir the mixture until it is completely smooth.
- Add 3 cups of rice cereal and stir until completely coated. Immediately pour the mixture out onto the prepared baking sheet. Spray your hands with nonstick cooking spray, and begin to press the candy into the sheet in a thin layer. Begin working from the edge of the shorter side of the sheet. The mixture will only cover approximately half of the baking sheet.
- With the short side of the baking sheet nearest you, place a pair of gummy worms an inch from the edge. Place another pair directly below, and repeat until you have a line of worms stretching across the baking sheet.
- Using the waxed paper to help you, roll the cereal mixture around the gummy worms, pressing firmly to make a tight roll. Take a large sharp knife and cut the log away from the rest of the mixture. Place it off to the side, and repeat the worms/rolling/cutting procedure for the remainder of the cereal.
- Slice the logs into 1-inch rounds. Wrap each round in a strip of green-colored Fruit Roll-Ups.
- To make the fish-topped “nigiri,” repeat steps 1 to 4 to make the rice candy base, but do not press the rice mixture as thinly. It should be about 3/4 inch thick once pressed into the baking sheet.
- Cut the candy into rectangles about 3/4 inch by 1 1/2 inches. Place a candy fish on top of each rectangle, and wrap a 1/2-inch strip of green Fruit Roll-Up around the entire package.
- For a finishing touch, decorate your sushi platter to look more authentic. Suggestions include substituting chocolate sauce for soy sauce, green-tinted whipped cream (or melted white chocolate) for wasabi, and thinly sliced pink fish for pickled ginger.
Spring 2020
Anyone that has underestimated Steph or DatesandCakes is gravely mistaken-- including Steph herself.
I didn’t think you are sleeping w all these guys. Don’t worry about what others think, it is none of their business, and everyone has their own lenses for the world. You are making the best decisions for you and your life. I wonder what dessert that would be, one for you, a big heart for loving yourself so well and not settling out of fear, boredom, or hormones!
I've been running this race of life in a unique pair of shoes that have more than "soul." I've prided myself on not checking (or climbing inside) the boxes society has built:
~no kids
~no wedding
~no dog
~no house
~no tenure
~no debt
~no regrets
~only in love once
I've got more issues than Travel & Leisure, but you bet your sweet pippy, I'm still worth the read. We can take turns and one of us may want to turn around, but I'm going to smile more about getting the emotions and experiences out on paper (digitally). Getting it out is half the battle.
Aside from God and my friends (which are people that treat you like family; many happen to be blood), travel is what makes me tick. It's quite literally what I live for and dream about. Recently, and quite often in the past, I've had people cast disapproval on me for that "lifestyle." The guilt made me cower in the conversation like a hermit--- which could not be the furthest animal in comparison to me! My wit is a cheetah, my humor is a hyena, my commitment to a cause I believe in is a dog, and my endurance is a zebra. My emotions and existence is a zoo, but I'm worth admittance :))
*this applies to you*
After all, we're all running the race, but the real value is not in the crowning, but that you finish. And, that you gave it your damndest.
To be called a "horse's ass" may be a great insult, but is it worse than half-assing something?
In response to the challenge my blog friend, Anne posed, I have selected a decadent dessert for a sweet traveler empath; a triple threat needed to earn title of triple crown.
**Fun Fact: Stephanie actually means "crown"**
Kentucky is 1 of the 24 states I've visited. Practically 1/2 way there ;)))
The Dessert I Designated for Myself (for once) is Kentucky Derby Day Pie
- 1 cup sugar
- 1/2 cup flour
- 2 eggs slightly beaten
- 1 stick butter melted
- 1 cup pecans chopped
- 1 cup chocolate chips
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 unbaked 9" pie shell because I'm enjoying it today, since I often "fill" others around me anyway :))
- Preheat oven to 325.
- Mix sugar and flour well. Even though it's a different kind of flower, pick YOU.
- Add eggs, butter, vanilla, and subtract guilt.
- Add pecans and chocolate chips. Mix well.
- Pour into pie shell and bake 45-60 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick comes out clean in the middle. If your crust starts to get too brown before the middle is cooked, you can cover the pie with foil and continue baking.
You're a fighter
You're a lighter
To get you more than higher.
You're among dragonflies
Definite rise
Limit of skies
Gold beyond what it buys.
Intricate desire
The lick of fire
Altitude to aspire
Secretly, self-admire.
You're solid as a rock
Onto the next block
Spirit soon to flock
You've got survival on lock.
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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