Second thoughts is it too late?
Those words I can't reciprocate. Perseverance, but I want to quit. Food for thought just a bit. Opportunity for me, you leaped since then, my interest sieved. Fear of missing out, unfair no doubt. So I strive to make it painless; my Intrigue currently is aimless. So I turned to rip adhesive in Cotton, your romantic aspiration soon rotten. The remorse I feel is suffocating, must make a move before the alligator eating. A jar of answers you'll be feigning, there's no one else nightmare screaming. I have no precise time or rationale, incomplete, I'm a woman you shouldn't dwell. My haphazard heart didn't wish to carry this doubt Into two more time zones with a relationship I could do without. What a blunt bitch my pen cast me to be, I can't fathom hindering someone else is happy. You haven't been this happy is another I can't reciprocate. For us, our reality bleeds it's too late. I'm sure my apology is Nails on a chalkboard, only one that can possibly help is the Lord. A righty seemingly destined as the one who left time to call this one, back in a doctor or ref
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Staring down at me with his cold blue eyes,
I stopped breathing. Only for a moment or two. But it reminded me of how it began. How his first kiss restricted my breathing. Not the first time he ever leaned in. Every damn time. Every exhibit of passion: stained glass. How he savored every minute. How the shape of my face, The position of my lips, And blinks of my skyscraper eyelashes Mattered to him. I mattered to him. And alas, I locked myself away; Emotions, consideration, hope Chained to an inevitable facade. Fear swallowed the key. Fear's belly housed glimmer and gold. It coined the word ruthless. Decimating dreams Reevaluating optimism Rewriting opportunity. Timidly trekking alone, Yesterday foiled beauty. Lost connection, selfishly Ejecting at the beginning Retiring our disc of dating He's older and cunning and leaves my mind humming.
Mysterious, but leaves clues, so without further adieu ... I exhibit Intrigue for man out of my league. Believes in love at first sight while concurrently disappearing when things aren't right. Lids for powdered snow, insecurities don't show. Has dated some crazies, drugged, dependent, or lazy. Fleas from those four letters from hungry girls cuz he knows better. Works with his hands, adjacent to families plans. His interest can be lost, but my hesitancy he's are tossed. Out the window of the whiskey bar, hoping it didn't land too far. From the gutter or the awning, only a matter of time before his next date is dawning. So I'll ride shotgun while he's got the time, but I know for a fact, he'll never be mine.
"I'm sorry your session has ended please make your next appointment with the receptionist on the way out" Raw Robert FrostingIngredients
Instructions
https://www.chef-in-training.com/cream-cheese-cookie-dough-frosting/ It's no secret, complacency mortifies me. I rant about it through Pros, head-bang to radio revolutions, and Forge my own path in all categories imaginable:
The Fluff Robert Frost Didn't Write AboutINGREDIENTS
No other way to be a runaway like runaway mountain....,There was a boy that was intrigued by me and I by him. We stretched our wings in Charleston and engaged in activities built for fools. Dates beyond measure and conversation to match. He asked me deep questions, like a therapist would and laughed at my little quirks instead of running like the others. He was never needy and never asked for much except my time. He never pushed anything sexually or really engaged with me in that way too much at all. There's been a couple blog posts about him, he is the one referred to as Mr. Hard to Read. He left in anger one Saturday night the last date we ever had, and I left a voicemail for closure. Weeks later, he stumbled upon not one, but two blog posts about him. He commented and then called. He displayed it as a misunderstanding and wish me the best. I could have salvaged it. I could have tried to get back in. But I didn't. I let it fall. I used it as my escape route. Running away instead of discussing things as an adult was much more preferable. In the dating world, I'm always ready to cut ties. Scissors in hand, I look for ties to be cut. On the Rocks, Nothing on Paper, Scissors, BYE! I'm actually surprised how many ties have actually been been made. You would think after going on 200 different dates with different people, confidence wouldn't be an issue... but I was still perplexed with how I've not only confirmed date times and locations, but many of them have asked for seconds. And then many of them have turned out like this one where is a casual fling stretching upon months. I guess I feel each is stamped with a time mark. An expiration date, if you will, and if I don't beat that expiration date or ultimate freshness, they'll be left to spoil. I'll be left in the turmoil, spinning in some garbage disposal somewhere occasionally being doused with Febreze. So, my protection from that is to rip off the packaging and enjoy the item before that date. Don't get me wrong, they enjoy me too... and God knows many have enjoyed me way before the expiration date and they have been the one to cut ties. So every time you look at a twisty tie, just think, that's awfully similar to some girl with a dating blog soaking up the freshness of a new connection until it's shelf life. So so many have done that to me before and that's the game that musician sing about, athletes engage in their social life, tabloids exploit the best of them from movie stars to TV posers. It's as simple as just running away. You always have to have rational:
Maybe like an extra large Snicker bar. A little nutty a ribbon a sweetness that sticks to you covered in a packaging that isn't the prettiest on the shelf but may capture one or two hungry eyes. The XL is not because it's a fat joke.. Not yet LOL but because people can take as much or as little of me as they want. And they do. Especially in the dating realm. They take what parts of me they want to see or they feel matches theirs and leave the rest unwrapped, unsealed. Reiterating not to the consumer is another way of saying or just being: a runaway. I tell them the God's honest truth that they only see the part of me I allowed them to see or that they put a blinders to the things they can't handle and they still pursue me and eventually devour me. It's like the moms that see an item is gluten free but they fail to realize how many added sugars are in the item. Under the impression there's some healthy component, they accidentally mislead their children and whoever else they choose to share that with. But I won't do that. Here I am and here we go sweet connoisseur Homemade Snickers BarsYields 24 bars
Ever run into a Team Ron VS. Team Harry situation in real life? Both cut from a different cloth One steamed milk, the other froth One a dreamer with a shadow past The other, a marriage failed to last One currently has month to month lease The other owns a two-story piece Traveling weekly for rodeo videography Other manages house-building geography One comes recommended from a friend Other connected once clicking send One possesses qualities impossible to find The other's eyes and lips breathe "you're fine" The other has established his place in my books In pursuit of my heart, is possibly one of the crooks He's in the process of stealing it with no fight From the girl in dusk still possessing light Both their eyes convey sheer attraction And evoke quite a unique reaction The two described are contenders For my attention and affection tender Both speak sweet and hold me just right But one possesses a danger element plight Although the contest has hardly begun, My heart already selected "one." Regardless of the winner,
|
Dating critiques have much to say about Millennial and our shallow dating encounters. They could fill encyclopedias with impatience for "the real thing" and our playing the field instead of investing in one romantic find. They'll pile high our dependency on technology and our fear of being alone yet, are we the only ones that have engaged in a little dating around? |
Yes, you read that correctly. I saw the white ass of virtually my first boss ever while driving. I'm surprised that's not an offence: indecency while driving, distracting and reckless , moonlighting.... the ideas may never "end."
Needless to say, I was one of the lucky favorites. Everyone has one...and typically if you don't believe that, you're not necessarily the favorite. ... just saying from cold experience. Well, another one of the favorites also happens to be a character you've been introduced to in the "Best Friend Nano Series." Tiffany was another favorite at our first job, where we met 14 years ago. I think I have a tear in my eye.
Aside from receiving a biweekly paycheck at a whopping $5.25 an hour, Tiffany and I being practically adopted into our boss' family. Another thing, less scaring, but just as impressionable than the mooning, was her dating history she shared briefly with us.
I remember it like it was yesterday....
God help me if that was true! I don't know what I wore, how many people I called on the phone, or if I had breakfast yesterday. #68yearoldina28yearoldsbody
She said, "Before I met my husband, [bobo hobo], I used to go out with ALLLL KINDSSSS OF BOYS. I would kiss 'em and then dump 'em. People at school started calling me the dump truck."
I actually haven't thought of that story until now, because I was reflecting on my endless lists of dates and flavors of the week that have come and gone last night in the shower. That's where I get a lot of my thinking and American Idol singing done-- the acoustics are quite suitable for my vocal cords-- and the lighting and free fog with no machine needed.
I remembered that a sweet, silly, successful woman was in a similar position I am in her 20's and sometimes, that's okay. Not that I needed reassurance because anyone that knows me, knows I do what I want BUT, it was kind of nice reminisce about a woman whom I forgot affected my life at 16 and have her affect my life again at 28.
It's easy to let the past be overshadowed by the future, especially if you have big plans (which I pray you do). But, I think the past is upmost significant because it built and bridged you to "here." And "here" is always temporary, so I want to savor it. I must remember to, as should you.
Here and now, I can relate to my boss, the mooner and the artist formerly known as pr-- I mean, "dump truck." My next here, I may be relating to my successful, licensed best friend back home whom saves children every day or even my grandmother whom always believed "someone had it worse" and refused to let complaints taint her little peach lips.
Here in singleness, I'll continue to cultivate sweetness- Dig. In.
Dirt Dessert is the most grounding sweet finish
for any "dump truck"
Sometimes your suitor is crazy and all together villainous, pudding. Grab yourself a box of Oreo or chocolate instant pudding. You'll need cold milk to follow the directions like a good psycho.
Like love's layers, this dessert is arranged as such: pudding, oreos, then worms. Hope you dig it.
- humor really is the best medicine
- comedy flicks, kettle-corn, and chocolate really do save lives
- it's incredibly what two little hands can do: writing, plotting, notating, whisking, kneading, clicking, thumbing, gluing, collaborating, creating, inspiring, painting, and a pinch of dating.
- there's a whole world of knowledge just waiting to be explored
- although a companion or a guide would be nice, they're not a requirement
- thus ultimately making travel arrangements
- fighting my apartment complex through the construction debacle
- avoiding media (for the most part... I have a healthy snap addiction) and living in the moment
But, most of all..... The greatest defense on your heart is your best friend
She advocates for me with all of my dreams, even if they negatively affect her. EXAMPLE: Me pursuing my dream to live by the beach, she threw the most confetti even if that meant our weekly interactions of cackling next to each other until we fall asleep after making a drunken grilled cheese, would be reduced to screen-time. She supported me and could not be more encouraging to my growth and need for exploration.
She defends me and is constantly reminding me of my worth and not to settle. This is quite a challenge for me, so she certainly has her work cut out for her.
Even from 1,128 miles (damn, we're devout) away, she still has this effect when one of the guys in my mix is... well, questionable, for lack of a better word.
She is one of the only devoted readers of my blog and is respectful of my choices, even if she sees they are headed for disaster. She's along for the ride and grieves with me when the result is combustion. This is just ONE instance of her going to bat for me without mercy for anyone trying to throw stones in my direction:
Stephanie is one of the most independent people I’ve ever known and she didn’t NEED anyone or anything. She travels the country herself; She doesn’t need some man trying to do all of it for her.
This amazing woman works 3 jobs and she gave every ounce of herself that she could to [others, that usually isn't] enough. Stephanie will move past this [and anything]. She will grow from this experience and make sure to not let in manipulative, disgusting, lowlife men who attempt to take everything from her in a way to somehow compensate for their own downfalls and disappointments in life. The positive thing is, Stephanie can see right through bullshit and knows that she saved herself by ending [any] toxic, suffocating, and controlling relationship[s]. ❤️
Did I mention she's a licensed counselor?
Here is textbook proof of how invested she is in my heart and relationships I choose to engage in.
She is always something I can have a little s'more of, so I have dedicated Reese's Marshmallow layered rice crispy brownies to her. I'm cereal how much I appreciate this girl!
- 1 18 oz box brownie mix (plus ingredients needed to make brownies)
- 1 7 oz tub marshmallow creme
- 25 Reese's miniatures, halved
- 1 12 oz bag semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 cup creamy peanut butter
- 3 cups crispy rice cereal
Instructions
- Prepare yourself for this salty world by preparing brownies according to package directions for 9x13 baking dish. Chill out, like a great best friend enables you to and move to the freezer for approximately 20 minutes
- Spread deep-rooted loyalty cream (marshmallow) on top of chilled brownies and return to the freezer for 10 minutes.
- Top with "sugar and spice, and everything nice" aka: Reese's miniatures.
- "Some people are worth melting for." Melt peanut butter and chocolate chips in a microwave safe-bowl on half power in 30 minute intervals.
- Stir in crispy rice cereal (she's the best- for cereal!). Layer the mix over the top of the Reese's.
- Return to refrigerator for another hour before slicing up a piece of this heaven.
This is a selfie of Lauren from last weekend.... isn't she a dream?
Of the 8,000 texts I send a month (probably more... hehe) I think there is something to say about the texts we've never sent. Texts we've drafted in our minds or even with our furious thumbs, only to be discarded against our better judgment. What's so harmful in a little 100 character message? It could actually change someone's life... sticks and stones, remember?
Good morning! I just wanted to say hey! Oh, and you kind of popped up in my dreams the last two consecutive nights and couldn't help but spark my curiosity of how you are. You don't have to respond to this.
I erased it and try it again. It sounded too jovial.
Hey! What's up? I hope you've been doing really well... I'm kind of haphazard to text you because I know what it would do to me if I received a text from you. But we're different so you might be okay. Anyway hope you're having a great day you deserve it
Wow that was too suggestive.
Hey ...It's me. Not to sound like the beginning of an Adele song... You know how we both feel about Adele. I miss you. I don't intend for those words to wage war, or for it to really be taken anywhere. I just mean them.
That's way too heavy to put on a phone line shared by millions.
Hey kid! Hope you're kicking ass and taking names and then, like in Family Guy, "giving those names to other guys you kicked their ass."
Damn, am I starting some punk rock song?
asldjfoem
Tequila always knows what to say.
Hey! I know you're doing your thing, but I just wanted to pop-in and say hey. Have a stellar day:))
Text after text message, I kept jumping back in.
But why do we choose to reserve or delete these words from being sent through cyber/phone space in the matter of seconds if we can send a follow-up text with **** or "my bad" or the ever popular, "I was drunk?" I don't know about you guys, but for me, it's because words are not that easily forgiven and in many cases impossible to forget-- ESPECIALLY if they are from someone you care about deeply.
Baha real mature. 2-year-old tantrum, 26 years past your prime.
Happy Friday! Hey how's work and stuffs....
I don't know why this is so difficult. This should be someone that I can talk to. But, there becomes a point where the talking is not safe. These messages or longing for them should be tapered over time. Over means over so many things; finished, kaput. So, supervising myself from sending things you can't retract and won't have a positive impact, is crucial.
With great texting, comes great responsibility.... Wait, is texting even great? Sigh. I'll just go bake a cake or something... *fork ready*
Good grief, let's have a quiche!
Mounting the low beam with a white-knuckle grip
The resounding thought: but what if I slip?
He looked at me, through a blond wisp.
Locks falling perfectly, like I have for prose
Vulnerably, I open a door that was closed
Padlocked opinions swelling within
Patience runs wild, as opposed to thin
Inverting his stance: his favorite rendition
Spatting with ease, a juxtaposition
He’s deliberately whimsical;
Both drama and musical
Parallel bars with perpendicular moves
Timeless Olympic discipline behooves
Dichotomies jarring and airborne-inspiring,
Clever commentaries with little perspiring
Beads of respect flirting with gravity
Sticks the landing — his epic reality.
I sometimes fantasize about a man far away,
Additional justification for me not to stay
Awake or with him or with anyone at all
Needless to say, I'm avoiding the fall
Yet eagerly he's one she will pursue
Endless because he's timeless
He's harnessed all sublimeness
He's confident and fluid- all together together
Trekked kilometers of life in every kind of weather
Oh the storms and the disaster
Enforce her pursuit of him faster
Bravery and courage is that of royalty
Holding back her desperate, "hold me"
So she'll keep breathing him in, holding little back
And praying if he leaves her, to do so with tact
Nice guys are all around, you just need to search for them.... sometimes even in the past.
Well, looking back, I found a poem I wrote for one of the top 3 greatest men I know. He takes the cake for this series... that's why his dessert is mini cakes so he can share-- we don't want one blog post stealing all the shine, making the other posts jealous. Why? Because, then one post will start poking "Looking" and "Looking" will say,
"watch your fingers."
One post will say, "Oh, I've gotta finger for ya."
"Looking" says, "You're about to have one less."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah"
"Wanna take this outside?"
"I thought you'd punk out. Come on!"
And now you have this full-blown brawl of two blog posts and there's no referee because Stephanie can't login and the fans have nothing to read because Weebly says: "Please stand by. We are experiencing some technical difficulties." And then the fans become disgruntled, because they don't want to stand, while others believe big brother is watching because "how else would Weebly know I was standing at my computer?" And then I would huff and puff and.... we would all fall down.
So, to avoid this, ring around the nice guys, you get a mini cheesecake and YOU get a mini cheesecake; you all get mini cheesecakes!
Thanks for not saying we need a break
Thanks for listening and trying to understand my twisted mind
Thanks for keeping rational even though my words weren’t kind
Thanks for opening up- your soul and then your home
I’m tragically sorry for our beautiful relationship that was almost blown,
Shred to pieces from a materialistic piece of mind, your girl straight trippin'
How selfish and cruel, those pieces of your heart, I was slowly chippin'
I’m sorry a thousand times more for practically belittling your efforts
But no matter what was said, all u have given emotionally, physically, and mentally has NOT been severed
I appreciate this trip and every trip we take
I appreciate every meal out and every meal you make
I appreciate your smile and your overwhelming courage to let me in
What hurts most about what I did is that I love you by every hair of your. chiny chin chin
Can’t believe I hurt you. I caused pain to my most dear
In retrospect, I may have ruined our whole year
But you calmed me and reassured me, it will be alright
I’m so sorry my materialistic selfishness caused that fight
I’m sorry I “got used to” your charm and generous daily portrayals of emotion
After my harsh words, I hope you can still feel my devotion
For you, I truly have a heart full of love
I'm at peace in your arms with a hug
So I’m sorry for letting the commercialism of valentines completely blind
My eyes to the real man before me who has devoted all his time
To making me happy and enhancing my worth
You don’t pressure me with physical needs or glorify your man turf
Your respect for me is sensational and your love for me could move mountains
I’m sorry I messed up so badly because I know on me you were counting
I hope I didn’t let you down too much
Last night was very rough
And I will try to make it up.
The past has more relevance than many pay tribute. Having a grasp on your past, your family's past, or even your country's past, is detrimental to its future. The knowledge you earned from the pages of the past can build or crumble ambitions for the future.
Looking back is vital, just be sure not to make a nest there. Now THAT should be a key chain! BAM!
As promised in the PAST (2 minutes or so), here are the coveted mini-cheesecakes
- 1 cup graham cracker crumbs
- 3/4 cup + 2 Tbsp. sugar, divided
- 3 Tbsp. butter y'all, melted
- 3 blocks of Cream Cheese for the pictures!, softened
- 1 tsp. pure vanilla... pure like genuine gentlemen
- 3 eggcited about this recipe
- 2 cups blueberries
- 1 Tbsp. lemon zest of the past
- Heat oven to 325°F.
- Combine graham crumbs, 2 Tbsp. sugar and butter; press onto bottoms of greased mini muffin pan. If you wish to cook them all at once, you will need two of these pans.
- Beat cream cheese, vanilla and remaining sugar with mixer until blended. Add eggs, 1 at a time, mixing on low speed after each just until blended. Spoon over crusts.
- Bake 25 to 30 min. or until centers are almost set. Cool completely. Refrigerate 2 hours.
- Top with blueberries and zest. If only relationships were this precise....
Even though she was with her cute friend, he only laid eyes on her. He claimed he never does this, but couldn't stand the chance of letting her walk out of his life without him at least trying. She suspected it was a line, but strived to be open-minded. She was just the perfect balance of excited and realistic.
She took his number and texted him casually. And to get another glimpse of his face, she looked him up on Facebook. Relationship status: married.
Supermarket Sweep Cake
- On the can-you-believe it isle, by the tomatoes stewing about how they married such a skeez, grab one can of pineapple. Now, not just any pineapple... pineapple to parallel this actions of such a "committed" man. Crushed would only be suitable.
- By the "I can't believe he hasn't gotten caught," grab one pound of butter (you'll only need one stick, but he's always in the mood to butter somebody up).
- On the baking isle for more half-baked schemes, grab a box of cake mix in any variety cause his taste is always changing. Then, grab a jar of cherries since his 3 CHILDREN AT HOME are the cherries on top.
- Go home and confirm he is a cheating sack of groceries by looking up his phone number in Facebook to reveal he gave you the wrong name AND is married with little buns he put in the oven.
- Pop open (like you wish you could pop him in the mouth) the cherries and pineapple, in a 9x13 inch pan.
- Sprinkle dry cake mix over fruit mix and stir until just combined.
- Butter up this dish like he tried you and drizzle one stick on top.
- Bake at 350 for 35 or 40 minutes.... the amount of time it takes him to cheat...or less.
Stephanie took a gander on a poet in Chicago because she craved someone with more depth and more emotional awareness. He has a history of Charleston complete with friends and employment connections. And he seems to be very taken with Stephanie, not just in his poems dedicated to her...
I was so excited he was coming and he seemed even more excited. He drove through the night and then deep into the next day without plans of where to stay the first night. So naturally, eager to meet him and trying to be hospitable, I checked with the roommate and got him an approved night on our red Comfy Couch. I mean, no other guy on our first date got to see my red comfy couch so... This one's a privilege.
Mr. Poet was appreciative on the phone I was just excited to be in Charleston. Reeking of cigarettes, he arrived. We had our first interaction in construction Wars of a parking lot of my apartment complex clearly under construction. Too romantic to put into words. He was obviously worn out from driving all day, so he came in and took a shower while I made him dinner. He didn't mention so much as a "thx."
After a beer, he rode with me to the airport to pick up said roommate at midnight. In conversation, he kept bringing up how excited he was to see his friends. I get that, but talking about it the whole time was a little excessive, especially to someone that is housing you, letting you shower in their house, and cooked you a homemade meal when this is the first time they've ever met you. I let that go too.
Then we came back to the house and he grabbed another beer or two and still no thank you. That's fine. I was just raised in the South, by a strong woman who thanks everyone for everything, sometimes in excess. I guess it was just different upbringing. But mind you, this is our first date...
Let me get to the point where he kissed me. I had narrowed down the roster of guys that was talking to, to only him because I truly wanted to see where this was going to go. So my lips met his and his hands started to wander. I guided them back but this happened two more times. I playfully said, "watch your hands" and then I had to physically grab them tightly and say stop. It should never come to that point. Ever. Ever. I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but as I said in part one of the story, he has read some of my pieces that are very personal about. Here's an excerpt from part 1 to draw from:
Oh, did you want something a little less artistic to reference?
Then I took on vulnerable step. I shared with him a poem about a first-hand experience of a guy that pushed the limits that had clearly been established. There was pain threaded through the peace and it's something I don't share with people that know me well.
He went to sleep on my couch, as planned and I walked him out the next day to retrieve the parking pass from him. All I heard from him later that day was "we good?" That's the words that you give me? I thought you were a poet! Not to mention he still never said thank you for my hospitality and for not kicking him in the dick when he tried to just respect my wishes. Every once in awhile, he will still comment on my Snapchat pictures. He still has never picked up that I was upset. And the worst part is, I don't think he ever really cared. So alas he is a man with words published even, who is just blowing smoke.
This Man's Dessert I decided to bake was: Baked Alaska. He's an obnoxious oxymoron.... with a capital MORON.
- Horribly wonderful
- Disrespectfully charming
- Hears me but doesn't listen
- Line the bottom and sides of an 8-inch round mixing bowl or deep 8-inch square container with foil.
- Spread ice cream in container, packing firmly. Cover and freeze 8 hours or until firm.
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F
- Grease and flour an 8x8 inch pan.
- Prepare cake mix with egg and almond extract.
- Pour into prepared pan.
- Bake in preheated oven according to package instructions, until center of cake springs back when lightly touched.
- Beat egg whites with cream of tartar, salt and sugar until stiff peaks form.
- Line a baking sheet with parchment or heavy brown paper.
- Place cake in center and turn molded ice cream out onto cake.
- Quickly spread meringue over cake and ice cream, all the way to paper to seal.
- Return to freezer 2 hours.
- Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
- Bake the Alaska on the lowest shelf, 8 to 10 minutes, or until meringue is lightly browned.
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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