When I was a swim school manager at this fin-forsaken swim school, I was required to complete a book report. Yes. At 23 years old, I was required to select a book from their corporate office library and compose a paper AND present it to the other rookie managers at one of our biweekly meetings. There were books about the art of swimming, management, leadership, self-help, and endurance. I had more desire to become the Easter bunny than making this a career so I was drawn to the "Emotional Equations" hardback in the middle of the bottom shelf. Equations in matters of the heart are the most intruding to me here.... (shocker!)Add ambition: Making big plans: career, family, health, goal-oriented Subtract interest: Interest in men, dating in general, even passive with flirting Divide time: Among the contenders Multiply attraction: Men seem to flock to this. Chasing the cliche "hard to get." Wanting a girl with plans not on the Ferris-wheel of marriage and little ones clung to your hip. Refuting societal standards as your own. How do I know? In the least conceited way.... honestly, I'm living it right now. I'm doing my own thing, going on dates with no real end goal, and the guys are nearly beating down my door. I've had 5 dates in a time frame of 7 days and counting. I even pushed two away! I have a very plain "what you see is what you get" attitude with brutal honesty. Any of the ones that ask if I'm dating other guys, I nonchalantly confirm the statement. Reactions: The reactions are often chemical! Most fall into two categories: pshhh efff that! I'm out, girl scout OR... oh, I'm down for friendly competition. You'll be calling me yours soon enough. Solution: Possibly still unsolved. I have more dates to come this week ;)) By now, you must think I have a pie obsession... Not particularly, BUT could I honestly compose a heavily-focused arithmetic post and NOT entertain the pie/3.14 joke? Didn't think so ;)The foundation of this dessert is the crust. Combine the following in order in a Ninja (numchucks optional) or varying food processor:
Combine with warm touch and hold like you kneed it. Then, press into a tin pie pan, because like the tin man, there's no room for a heart in the dating by numbers game. Then, fill with contents of each filling you are exposed to. Comparing, savoring their sweetness, and filling your case with the leftovers. This can't come back to bite me... right? Pour yourself a steaming cup of irony and do not overcook to ensure it doesn't crumble before slicing. https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/perfect_pie_crust/ *No pies or men were seriously hurt in this post or experiment*
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I don't think this is what mom meant by "get a man that can clean up nice."Can't claim the guy doesn't know what he wants... explicitlyApparently, infidelity is in this season and class is out.I'm slightly perplexed by the octopus emoji... he eats ass, held in position by his tentacles? I do appreciate the clarity regarding my soulmate though... can you imagine if I would've mistaken him as such?Full moon tonight. Who can decline tan lines and wholesale prices? I'm practically doing cart-wheels.Why do I feel like I've seen him on Sonic commercials?Tinder's "great thinker"I have so many questions. So... But... Is? Is the cheese block included in the 2 for 1? Like, if you buy Cheddar, he'll throw in Havarti?Jaw-dropping that this gator-wrestling mate is single. His name sounds like a drink so, he's building a solid exotic image...Thanks for the pep-talk.... how does no mutual swipes make you feel? What was your childhood like? Do you feel entitled hiding behind a screen?Even with a bionic arm and hair longer than mine, I still couldn't advert my eyes from that bologna-looking nipple. Ohmygosh! Totally reminds me of Pitch Perfect....I could be Sparta... I could.....A couple or a third? Reading between the lines and adding them seem to be a weakness of yours. And the bulge. aligns with your theme... At least you're consistent.At first, I thought this was Adam looking for his Eve but that is definitely a wreath.... maybe he's pine needle fresh? Ekkk!But Stephanie, don't think you're "above Tinder?"
It's only for hook-ups Meet people in real life Wait for someone to come to you. Try bumble. Try hinge. The ones you pay for lead to relationships. Try Coffee and Bagel Why I still have this horrendous app still activated on my phone:
I will forever stand by the fact that dating other people teaches you internally so much about yourself. Teaches you about desires, both surface ones and concealed ones that only your subconscious is aware, teaches you about perspective and how you see people in the world, and introspective, how other people might see you and if that needs to be altered by taking responsibility on your own. This guy certainly revealed a shade of me by his actions that made me furrow an eyebrow. I'm not necessarily saying it changed my actions... But it definitely changed my perception and at least makes me think twice before saying certain things to craft a certain conclusion. Why so vague Stephanie? Just come out and say it! All right, all right. This guy.... I can't quite remember what he did for work-- it was something important. Fairly intelligent and has a house which he rents out the other rooms. So, financially-wise as well. He was sweet and had rich New York accent. I could have sworn it was from Jersey, but making a statement like that is declaration of war to a New Yooooorker. He was nice enough, was intrigued by my aspirations, and found my humor enticing. He was adventurous in the party life, but said he's pretty tame now, which I knew meant drugs, but I wasn't touching that topic with a ten-foot pole. I mean.... I'm addicted to chocolate so.... I guess that's a drug too. But Godiva and Lindt are still legal so.... anyway. It took at least 12 and a half minutes to get a waitress. Not exaggerating. Once we did, we ordered waters and two vodka sodas with limes, my go-to, even though he was the one that ordered it. He instantly received a point for that. It took so long to get those, that by the next time he saw the waitress, he ordered six vodka sodas for the table. She was baffled and didn't try to hide it, while I cracked up. As she dropped them off, I could feel pairs of eyes judging the table. He tanked 4 of the glasses like it was Gatorade after a race. Slightly impressed, but slightly aware of the impression that was leaving to complete strangers, but also to a girl he's allegedly trying to court, I sat soaking it in, taking mental notes. Don't get me wrong, I had two of those six, but still, that has to be the first at a first date that someone has taken that many in such a short period of time. Conversation continued and I couldn't help but think of how one guy I talked to, in rage of my rejection, labeled me a closet alcoholic. Obviously, this brought up thoughts of this guy... And not only the image he poses, but the one I posed. I never withhold the amount of alcohol I consume. It's one of my hobbies and things I enjoy engaging in. I don't feel it needs any justification... But, the image of this many drinks at a table for two, was definitely a mind stopper. My date was not even buzzed... Which means two things:
We could be the blackout babes LOL just kidding. I had plans with my best friend that night, so he walked me to my car after closing down happy hour. He pressed me against the car and made out with me so hard that I I was afraid my window was going to pop. I can just see it now: police report in Shem Creek parking lot, do not leave valuables in car because a window was popped last night. There are no details if anything was stolen. Contact police with any information. The report should read: do not leave valuables on car. I smiled it off and managed to slip into my car. The next day, he tried to invite himself to brunch. I'm half surprised he didn't show up since on Snapchat I had posted the filter of where we were at. I didn't I think that would be a problem.... but now, I'm a little more cautious about that. He didn't. And slowly kind of phased him out. He invited me to go to a concert and to let him know when I bought my ticket... I thought, yeah, I'm not going. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad guy.... I just think I'm looking for something and I could quickly tell he wasn't it. I actually shy away from guys that don't drink, so it's not that I was holding that against him. I don't know what the hell he was holding against me LOL probably a crowbar, but my window is still intact... in case you're wondering. This tart interaction calls for lime bars. I managed to sneak some of the lines from our vodka soda drinks and that's really all I needed. Can you believe I didn't even have to go to the store? Guess that shows we were up to our elbows in garnish.INGREDIENTS
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So, the date started out pretty interesting... He's much shorter than I presumed, but height isn't the size I'm most concerned with. He started with an atrocious side-hug, then together, walked to the bar. He grabbed a barstool and I thought he was pulling it out for me, but he just drugged it over and scooted his next to it. So that was kind of an awkward exchange... But I guess I'm kind of an awkward being sometimes, so I let it slide. Then, the first conversation that we talked about was how he was not going to date someone that lived in West Ashley because he lived in Mount Pleasant. For all of you out-of-staters, the equivalence in measurable units is approximately 7 miles... No grant it, that doesn't mean it's 7 minutes... It's more like 18 and sometimes more in traffic, but still. He said that doesn't fit with his lifestyle and if he wants to get happy hour with someone, it would be impractical to live that far apart. Not to mention, the traffic debacle at 5. I kind of combated this with, but what if the person is so phenomenal that they are worth the headache of traffic? And his black and white answer was: I wouldn't let it get that far to have to deal with that up front. Actual footage of the distance he wishes to be from his girl.So.... you want convenience? I thought loud enough that I was certain he could hear. He said, "well, you live in Mount Pleasant, so we don't have a problem." Actually, you being close-minded is kind of a problem... Then again, not everyone has or ever will adopt the mind frame I have. I've done long-distance, more than once. I'm not thrilled about long-distance, but if the right opportunity presented itself and I felt like it was something that was aligned in God's path, then I would seriously consider it. It sounds like distance is not even in his zip code. Literally. So, the remainder of the date seemed to go pretty smoothly, especially because he had so much experience traveling abroad. But, once he got his sixth Jack and Coke... It actually might have been 7th.... I'm not judging, I can put them away too but... He got to the point where he was slurring. I had difficulty interpreting his comments, but that isn't even what what deterred me. He walked me to my car and was very gentlemanly with the expensive check, thank God because I could not afford 8 Jack and cokes, not to mention the 5 Margaritas I tanked BUT, once he brought me to my car, he did the awkward hug thing. Irked me, yet the best was yet to come.... He looked deep into my eyes and kissed me with his eyes open. The only reason I know that, is because I close them and then when I open them back up his were open. Eerie. Andddddd, I felt like I needed a raincoat. The cherry on top was he drove home, slurred and all. Guess an uber was too inconvenient too. This cake is called: Tell Your Neighbor Cake |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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