Currently working on 27 Dresses, I attended a bachelorette party a week before the wedding and one week after returning from Spain. I was thrilled to spend some time in the gayborhood because that's where my best friend and I used to find the cutest single guys at the clubs; they found our secret that girls don't want to be hit on by a bunch of creepy dudes, so we dance with flamboyant men who can actually keep rhythm and keep their hands to themselves, for the most part. Well, that is not at all how my night went. We didn't even end up going to a gay club which kind of broke my heart because it was a five-minute walk from our B&B, but HEY! I'm not getting married, so if my girl wants to lasso a pinata, I'd grab the rope. After dinner under string lights on picnic tables at this cute restaurant called The Rustic, we made our way to a gay bar for karaoke. Do not be mistaken that the night ends here and that Stephanie had no takers. You my friend, would be sadly, sadly mistaken. While sipping at my post, a girl elaborately dressed for St. Patty's Day chatted loudly next to me with two guys. Glancing over, I couldn't help but laugh at her shirt. In green letters, it read: Bad Puns oh, that's just how Eye roll. Commending her on her shirt, she hugged me and reported that she had made the shirt herself. Impressed with the decal, I sparked up conversation. The bald guy stationed next to her smiled and put his hand on her lower hip. The other one had green bells tied into his light orange beard. "Those are awesome I laughed." " I know right? I helped him," said the other guy. Smiling drunkly, the bearded man said nothing. After casually returning to my group, I refused to sign up for a karaoke song, both illustrated by my crossed arms and my protruding pouting lip. I was presented with an offer I couldn't refuse. A redheaded bridesmaid inquired, is there no one that will do a Billy Joel song with me? Well damn. I can't refuse the legendary Billy Joel. That would be a dishonor. Not to mention I used to be an alto 2, so if there's any ones notes that I could pretend I could hit, it would be his. "Which song?" I barked. "Only the Good Die Young?" She prosed. Smiling, I said, "that's one of my favorites." After the redhead submitted our song request, we were called to the front in no time. While waiting for the previous singer to put the mic down, I whispered to my duet partner, "I can relate to the song because I used to be a little Catholic girl." She fired back, "I can relate to this song too! I used to have a crush on a little Catholic girl." My eyes grew three sizes that day and I laughed inside my head. Alllllllllllllrighty then, I thought. Definitely didn't see that coming. Actual Footage....As the song played, we killed it! Vibing and grooving to the fun track. After a round of applause, we return to our Bachelorette post. Instantly, the girl in the green tutu and bad pun shirt, commended me on our song selection. While telling me about her love affair for Billy Joel, I could feel the eyes of the ginger bearded man looking at me. Flirting in the middle of our Billy Joel conversation, he interjected, "you're really pretty." Looking up and slightly taken aback, I smiled and I said thank you. As my new Billy Joel friend with green glitter continued her conversation, my eyes started toward the wedding band on the bearded man's left hand. As the Billy Joel conversation closed, I took notice of a blonde girl, also decked in green, talking to the other guy in their group. As soon as I made my way back to the bachelorette group, I saw the blonde kiss the bearded man and strapped onto him like a seat belt on a toddler. She too had a ring. Okay, I thought. Hearing some of the Bachelorette members' names being called for a Shakira song; I moved to the stage area to cheer them on. As the song played, my hips definitely did not lie to the track. I was jamming, not really feeling my liquor, but definitely feeling the tempo. Near the song's end, I was shoved to the left as the blonde in green with the ring on her finger, shoved past me with no regard. Raising an eyebrow and looking back at the ginger-bearded guy, his eyes immediately darted from my direction. "What the hell?" I spat. The ginger from the bachelor party directly to my left recognized the tension and inquired. " I have no idea!" I said. I reported of his pretty comment and the fact that I was almost positive that was his wife. She laughed and said ,"it's not like you're to blame." Shrugging it off, I continued to dance to Shakira to avoid that group the rest of the night. I'm not trying to have a girl fight in the middle of a gay karaoke bar. Someone might take off their wig and try to fight me. Also, I didn't want someone to have to be burdened with holding my earrings. As we moved outside, one of the other girls, a Southern American, that I had met earlier that night, joined a conversation with me and the ginger girl from the bachelorette party. The three of us found a high-top table, and stumbled upon the the topic of bi-sexuality. I suppose this isn't uncommon for the setting we were in. "I just don't understand why you can't pick a team," I persisted. The redhead made her stance on the topic, but the Southern American is the one who surprised me. She made many points, but the last one stopped me in my tracks. "Okay, so you know how I just got out of a relationship with my boyfriend? Well that's great and all, but, I also find you very attractive. I'm attracted to you." Oh shit. I'm not prepared for this. I thought loudly in my heart of hearts. I'm sure my facial expression said it all. At that moment, that's when the ginger piped-in. "Yeah, you're gorgeous." Oh sweet baby Jesus, I thought. In that very instant, the maid of honor, shouted, "Stephanie, can you help me with my Romper?" Immediately relieved at my call for duty, I took that as my exit and didn't look back. Entering the one-person-bathroom with her, I unzipped the back of her one-piece outfit and turned my head to the wall as I confessed what just happened. Laughing, while freaking out. She paused and then responded with, "well I do have a little wiggle in my sexuality." "What the fuck does that even mean, Anna?!." Don't worry, that's not her real name. That's actually the name of someone else in the party but it's not even spell correctly. You're welcome. "Well," she said as she pulled up her suit and requested I zip the back. "That means that" as she showed with her hands an imaginary spectrum of straight to gay. "It should...." she pointed and circled in the air of where she lied on that spectrum. "So, I have a little wiggle where I do find certain girls attractive. You definitely, would be my type. You're a knockout." "Oh my gosh!" I said, "not you too! This is too much for one night." After reporting of the angry married woman whose husband had complimented me, she laughed, "it's not like I would act on it. You know I've been with my boyfriend for 10 years. I'm just saying, you got it going on." Cackling, I shrugged my shoulders with nothing to say. Taste the RainbowAfter this, I need a drink. Simply pop out of your package of skittles (like a stripper out of a cake) and organize the candies by color. Then, pour each one into a different bottle of vodka. Let skittles soak for at least 24 hours. This is the ONLY way I aspire to taste the rainbow.
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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