I've been asked numerous times if the guys I've dated have ever stumbled upon my blog. There has been one or two instances in the past where they have and were kind of indifferent about what they read... I thought I was being sly by giving a guy that we were both feeling each other and things were going well my Medium writing account, because it exhibits my writing, but not necessarily my blog (which is nitty-gritty details of specific encounters with guys and my reactions). Well... Silly me forgot that in my profile on Medium, is a beautiful, quick and easy link to my blog. Upon combing (fine-tooth) through, he found not one but four blog posts about him. Of course, there's a matter of perspective, but that's not what got me in the most trouble. It was the fact that minor details from one of the other blog posts was skewed or left out when I told him in person. I never claimed to be an angel.. But I do feel a little remorse for this. Mama didn't raise a liar, but it's kind of survival the fittest out their special in the dating world, so I have been guilty of withholding a couple troops. I never deliberately say it another way but... They're apples and oranges aren't they? So obviously, my little catholic-self needs to go to confession, but also I feel bad that he saw the real me. Which is something, I guess, I shouldn't feel....
The real me is someone I should let everyone see, but then what's the fun in that? You're not as likable and charming. So, I'm learning the great balancing act. This particular date's reaction triggered something in me. Flashing back to September, a crystal clear encounter, paralleled to this one emerged. My reaction of a guy that never met me, but uttered those three little words returned to me. Astonished that I was reading those words from practically stranger, I did what I do best and pushed him away and told him he only liked the parts of me I allowed him to see. I didn't completely believe that when I told him... it was more of an escape route. Which in Runaway, is something I mentioned. But, with this one, finding the not-so-white-lace-side of Stephanie and my player ego via blog, I realized there was some validity to it. Do I do that with everyone? Is there a certain side of me that each person, contingent on their personality and their tolerance level I review and give a dose of this, a pinch of that, two heaping cups of that...? Maybe. Maybe that's how I've been able to swing so many dates... We all adapt ourselves a little bit. Think about it. You wouldn't talk about your late night drunk sessions where are you we're unsure if the Easter Bunny put you in his basket and hopped you home because of the pounding headache and neon color smudged all over your skin. Nor would you necessarily talk about a three-hour training that you engaged in to better your education to your drinking friends. The more I rewound my reactions to different situations and circumstances and Stephanie still remained. THEN, I looked back at the blog post about Myrtle, because I couldn't think of what I could have possibly wanted to withhold from this guy. I was honest with him that I never deactivated the apps and that I didn't intend to reside in Charleston much longer, so why lie now, when we were in our last few weeks together? So, I stalked my own blog only to discover the Myrtle post is still unfinished in my drafts!!! Most my posts are not published in real time because, well, life happens AND I'm a bit of a scrambled egg brain with crushed pepper on top. So, I was me all along... just shared a little bit of brash opinion on a blog revolved around serial dating. I'll keep crafting, creating, and sculpting me because that's really all I have control over in this chaos we call home.
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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