You're just another player in the game of operation.
With your Ivory fingers on the tweezers, Your red lips are a thin line touring the connector box. The power source is a perfect formulation of numbers. Numbers so tightly wound, Their sparks of electricity bring vulnerability. I don't slight you from holding that back. Our relationship would be a disaster so, It only reinforces your surface interaction.
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I fell right between the lines, so you could leave me for dead.You didn't sever it, so you could keep your options open. Allowing myself to be one of your options was my mistake. And as you carry on watching pole dancers and conversations sliding into your illuminated view, I'll continue fuming for allowing this to happen. Learn from DatesandCakes, you're NOT an option, you're the solution-- hell, you may well be the purpose. You're the fire and the fight that makes it all worth it. You're to be pursued and wooed. You're the warmth that is otherwise unattainable. You are valued, cherished, treasured, and damn well are enough. A sharp connection, a stylus in a groove
Rhythm and words quite familiar A melodic explanation of a mood Track 8 presumes her a filler Then an anthem not for sharing Lyrics establish loyal pursuit One-and-only self-preparing Steel trust now accessible loot A flash of light with notification His active dating app chorus Revealing wilting patience B flat taunts: there was no "us" Flashbacks of a similar cadence Side two seals it with kiss Force his memory into just a dance Unfinished record, inevitable dis Sure showed the record player Leveling up the harp and heart string Casting her skies shades grayer Farewell to another shoal fling Remember the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days?" Well.... DatesandCakes has her own real approach on it!Guess I'll have to continue to play the cards I've been dealt.All I ask is that you don't hurt me. But it's perfectly okay for you to break my heart within the first 24 hours of a trip you bought me to spend quality time with you.You're one my gut warned me about
When I was deterred about your approach Your promises casting self-doubt Noble steed pulling a coach Yet another to fantasize Meet your needs; tailored Clawed me as your cute prize Past loneliness, now cured My painted heart you raided With a true face masked The memories-- won't save it Masquerades: a thing of the past Catfishing is when someone posts an attractive picture of themselves that is no longer an accurate portrayal of them, current day. Sometimes, they even go to the extent of using someone else's picture! For the first time in Dates and Cakes history, this happened to me. I was minding my business, baking as usual when a new add from snapchat flashed on my phone. I glanced at the screenname to ensure it wasn't something like grinder4lyfe or puffNpussy and then the bitmoji icon and accepted the request. For those less than obsessed with Snapchat, you can create your own avatar on Snapchat to resemble you.... mind you, this is typically how that person sees themselves and isn't always an accurate portrayal. Why would you prose such a statement, Stephanie? Could you be foreshadowing something? After conversation commenced from the add, I had a feeling I should ask for a picture. He stated that we JUST had matched on Tinder so there were 4 pictures for me to look at. I toggled to Tinder in the time it took me to rip open a bag of sweetish fish, when I saw a slightly nerdy, but fairly attractive man with blonde hair and a neat beard. I returned to the conversation. His nerd side was exemplified when he geeked out about Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones (I have seen neither). I know, I know. GOT is on "my list" to watch but, I don't really sit still long enough to get wrapped into a show and I fell asleep in the theater for Lord of the Rings. I actually enjoy seeing someone nerd out on something that is important to them since I do the same with classic Disney, all things Joker, and Harry Potter (think I'm a Griffinpuff). The words exchanged between him and I mixed like melted butter and melting marshmallows. As I continued to multitask, I received another snap message, which took my focus off Mr. Bottom Feeder for a few seconds. When my eyes returned to the list of screen names, It took me at least 30 seconds to figure out which one he was (sorry not sorry? plenty of fish in my sea ;) When I finally found which one was him, I asked for a picture to save in the chat. He sent one already loaded on his Tinder. This is where my suspicion rose. "I like your beard," I commented politely, "but can you send me a current one?" The picture he sent "live" was HARDLY even the same picture as the ones on Tinder. There was at least an 80lb weight difference and an unruly mane on his round face. My knee-jerk reaction was to abstain from being shallow and then I thought, WHAT THE FISH?! Not only are there plenty more in the sea, but if I were to have put a picture later than 3 months ago, then I would've been written off or scolded. Confrontation for the FIN! He tried to blame society and the shallow focus and I was having NONE of that. I said, "Look, if guys are able to swipe left or leave a date with a girl that is not his preferable circumference, then I can certainly do the same. This was dishonest and I have nothing left to say on the matter." I left in a splash. Dessert should be something fishy.... lol maybe with Swedish fish or imitating? Ingredients
Spring 2020No.He asked me through crowded phone lines and two zones defining time. Just because he didn't push the lines of pastel lace,
Doesn't automatically render a space In your jumbled head of drafted plans Shading the night to grays and tans He brushed your curl aside as if it were practice Outlined your firm expression that of an actress Breathing close in a rhythm to hypnotize Temporary this moment, yet to realize Just because the scene has set doesn't mean he is On the syllables of your name or how it sounds with his So don't mistake a mere glint for an enlightening You'll meet a thunder, fit to be his lightening I give you the animated world of Steph's dating in her premiere post of Dates and Cakes Blog.No longer in the shadows.....When did intimacy become casual? Or better yet, when did it become an expectation?I felt a bit hesitant about posting the imagery leading up to denied intimacy in last night's post, "Mr. Blade." Overall, I feel like it was a good read and decent writing BUT, I feared readers would slap a label on me like a can of soup. Chicken Prudle Soup. "Why didn't you just sleep with him? It isn't a big deal..." But maybe that was my point. Why isn't it a big deal whom I decide to let in, more than just physically? When did it stop becoming one? He didn't even call me beautiful or anything other than sexy. Every person is beautiful (yes, you reading this). I just want to know when sex became as casual as day drinking. Has it become a 2019 standard to reward a mediocre dinner and a few over-priced cocktails for sex? While what-- I twirl my balayage hair, holding $23 of product and most of my self-esteem? And then what? I'm left with unraveling attachment, an additional "notch in my lipstick case," and underground worth. All while he thinks about.... I don't know-- ANYTHING ELSE. Even if the guy in no form or fashion was prince charming, thoughts of "why was I not enough to stay" suffocate me. It's a form of rejection I can't combat. The standard deviation is the perception of the interactions with these intimacies. This blog is a platform for scrutiny in its purest form. It is a tightrope between Slut Shaming or Prude Patronizing, either way, you fall flat on your face. So, you keep your little black book in your dresser or turn it into a blog. Guess I took the road less traveled and yet I still hesitate. I hold back details that could reveal the identity of the "misters" that have made their debut. I insinuate very little about the physical course of every interaction to allow an element of mystery and one of imagination for the reader. With imagination comes great responsibility and... apparently judgement.One of my "fans" left a comment branding me as a "slut" and this blog being "proof." Ahh! There's the slut shaming you were talking about, Stephanie. What's humorous to me is the vast assumption made that I sleep with all these misters. Not to mention, the reinforcement of that "standard" that if a guy buys you craft beers at a Minneapolis brewery, brings you flowers before taking you to the Charleston Ballet, or even takes you to Disney World for a first date, you're obligated to sleep with him. Well, spoiler alert: of those three lavish, but real dates I went on, I didn't sleep with any of them.
Now wait a minute.... He took you Disney and you didn't get intimate with him? How was that not a home-run? And THAT'S the prude patronizing I'm talking about. Either way, I'M WRONG. I've lived my whole life not wanting to cause any trouble or be in it. I've been driven by guilt, far-fetched promises, one-sided relationships, and acceptance. I've apologized for things I didn't do and problems I couldn't have begun to ignite. I've been a doormat in floods and used up like a marker; even the brightest marker in the box runs out of ink. So, I guess mostly for myself, but also for the "misters" mentioned here and soon to come (I have at least 8 stories itching to be revealed from the last couple weeks ;) I'm not sorry that I didn't sleep with you even if you expected it or felt like you deserved it. Such a crazy thing for me to type... but, I think I mean it. Yeah, I do :)) Standard recipe? Bring your own icing and write your sweet ending.You know the saying, "love knows no boundaries?"Well, why can't the same be true with dating?The longest relationship I've ever had was long distance and the conclusion was: it can be done. As far as a friendships, I have a dozen that are across the globe and we maintain the conversations, humor, guidance, and support. Sure, it requires more discipline, but quality demands nurturing and patience. My British friend is a hoot! Hey, compliments are accepted in any accent, dialect, and timezone.My perspective on dating presently is: sheer entertainment.
He was hott. Smoking hott. Tall enough to climb, well-versed with travel, a water and mountain enthusiast, and mysterious. He was drawn to my personality and humor and prayed it would be as lively in real life. How do I know this? He told me this multiple times, along with hoping my pictures were "accurate." I get it; no one wants to get catfished, but it doesn't stop here. He seemed to have an irrational fear that the girl he was pursuing wouldn't be "what he deserved." He revealed that the last three girls he went out with were 20 pounds heavier than their pictures. Okay... but my pictures were taken in Feb and March. Then, while on the way to the movies, after picking up our snacks per request, he called me to confirm the movie choice. Trying not to unleash my crazy before meeting him I calmly responded, "I mean... I know you already saw this movie, but you said you'd see it again because I was dying to see it! If you really..." He interrupted with, "no, I'm just making sure before I buy them." He continued the conversation, or tried to, and I told him he was cutting into my mom time and I'd talk to him when I saw him. He laughed the conversation off when I arrived, revealing his motive for such a call. "I had to make sure you didn't sound too much like a dude." "What?" I replied, "Are you serious?" I said slowly. "I know what I like, and I know what I deserve. Why would I waste either of our time?" Although this opinion held a skewed validity, it certainly put the sour in my mouth before even opening the gummy worms. Unable to hold my tongue to the blatant shallow focus, I said, "So, you were afraid I would be fat, afraid I wouldn't live up to my witty personality, and now was afraid how my voice would sound? Again, he reinforced that he knows what he deserves. I could think of a couple things he deserves oh, but he was hot, seemingly into me, and went to go see a Disney movie a second time just because I wanted to. Also, and it should be a given for anyone that has followed my blog this long, I'm hooked once they: already hint at a couple trips in the future we could embark on together. He began flirtily pushing my shoulder at jokes I made and kept his eyes more on me than the movie., at least from what I could tell the times I saw him. Quite frankly, most of the movie I didn't know he existed. Aladdin is my favorite Disney movie and I drank of every moment in that theater. Especially when he held my hand. I know that sounds simple and elementary of me, but he held my hand like he meant it. His thumb stroked the top of mine; his grip was tight, but not suffocating. I don't even know what color his eyes were. He put his arm around me and I nestled in. Near the end of the movie , spoiler alert! He looked at me and said I was pretty. Beaming like I'd imagine the moon was outside the theater, I sighed a Disney Princesses sigh. Oh, don't worry I'm not a spoiler ;)) You'll have to see Aladdin yourself. Following the movie, he divulged information about his family and what his mom was currently going through. One of my favorite things a guy can do is make himself vulnerable to me. I love learning about his past or his hardships. Emotional food for thought. It makes him relatable, it makes me purposeful because I'm empathetic and nurturing. Contrary to what some of the comments on this blog may say, it's a fact. I love being able to trust someone with things that are more than flesh. So in turn, I enjoy being that person someone can trust. He walked me to my car, all six foot four inches of him, and he kissed me. Our eyes searched the other for something at the same. He leaned in and kissed me again. Smiling, he proposed we go on an adventure, only he didn't know what. I rattled off at least six things. He squished his nose and said maybe he should head home since he has to wake up at 5 for work. "Okay," I replied. "Don't offer me an adventure and expect me to decline," I winked. "Do you want to do this again?" I pretended to think. "Of course," I said warmly smiling. "Sunday?" "Yes," I said. "I'll be free after church." "Okay, it's a date," he replied and smiled as I folded myself into my Honda Civic. Since this is going to be a two parter, all you'll need for this recipe is Oreos.
Here's the scoop:I've gone on an astonishing number of first dates. It's not for bragging rights, nor is it a concealed part of my reality. It's quite apparent my candidness to these interactions because I learn from them more than More than half of them ended in disaster (which you've probably read about here, dripping with sarcasm and creative prose) and a quarter of them were either so sub-par on both sides, that we kind of mutually phased each other out OR they sprinted for the exit sign. If my memory serves me, a few even made their own exit: The remaining quarter of them turn into flings until the inevitable dismay. I'm not dooming these interactions, just illustrating my experiences... hence this blog of connection casualties. No bitterness here, I have found fruition in all of it; I actually appreciate singleness. It's a certain freedom I've never appreciated. Texting is a perfect example of this. I've developed a habit of allowing messages to build up like an email stuffed with too many subscriptions to stores, services, and interests. Messages sometimes go unread and unanswered for hours if not a day (or days if I'm overwhelmed). This would be quite a problem for a significant other, because there is a certain level of communication that must be maintained to cultivate and maintain a healthy relationship. Since I do not have my name or heart strings tied to anyone in my immediate present, some of the stress to change this and constantly keep up with my phone 18 hours a day, is alleviated. I am free to navigate my day according to the events that rise and be present in that moment whether it be working late at my 3rd job, getting a drink with a friend, or binge watching Parks until Leslie and Ben get together. This "freedom" is something I refuse to take advantage of :)) The art of adapting is key to each season you walk through in this beautiful life. And in a way, dating is a way to unearth the beauty in this world by sharing laughs, cups of Joe (or Joey: "how YOU doing?), interests, and overall, assessing long-term compatibility. People typically open a part of themselves when engaging in a potentially intimate relationships that they wouldn't dare release in a friend, professional, or sometimes even family interaction. You learn someone's perspective of the world based on their background, experiences, obstacles, and endeavors. I've tucked away life lessons, sticky notes of advice, and "what not to do's" from past dates and wouldn't undo them if given the opportunity. I'm sure I've provided more than enough of these (especially the negative ones because "a handful" is something I've been notorious of being... which, I'm kind of okay with. At least a guy will never get bored of me. Without a DOUBT. #believeyoume #cantbelieveitsnotbutter #stephyall #crazybutnotlazy #burstingwithemotion #inneremopunkrockkid #noeyeliner #converse&vanswillmakeherdance “You learn something every day if you pay attention.” – Ray LeBlond Even predate, I'm constantly scanning, analyzing, over-analyzing (yes, I am indeed a female) the words, the intentions, and the underlying meanings of the guys I engage with. I'm learning their humor, their pet peevs, and their reactions, which is ultimately uncovering the degree of his character. “We learn from failure, not from success!” – Bram Stoker “The more I live, the more I learn. The more I learn, the more I realize, the less I know.” – Michel Legrand “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” – Helen Keller “The important thing is not to stop questioning; curiosity has its own reason for existing.” – Albert Einstein “I never learned from a man who agreed with me.” – Robert A. Heinlein “The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you.” – B. B. King “Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.” – Henry Ford “The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” – Socrates “People learn something every day, and a lot of times it’s that what they learned the day before was wrong.” – Bill Vaughan “Vision without execution is just hallucination.” – Henry Ford “The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.” – Tom Bodett “I maintained my edge by always being a student; you will always have something new to learn.” – Jackie Joyner Kersee “Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.” – Ronald E. Osborn “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.” – Walt Disney “There are no regrets in life, just lessons.” – Jennifer Aniston “The education of a man is never completed until he dies.” – Robert E. Lee “Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” – Benjamin Franklin "The day you stop learning is the day you die." -Michael Scott Well, I don't know necessarily to this extreme, but regardless, I'm not ready to die. "I don't wanna die today-- I don't wanna diiiiiiiie." Thank you, Logic. Ultimately, I am learning how I want to be loved and how to continue creating myself while loving someone without reservation. Sure, easily composed into print, but execution requires a certain level of patience and selflessness. These are both areas that need severe reconstruction and beautification.Ice Cream made by hand is the most suiting recipe for a fresh-take on dating. Pessimism flavor: discontinued.
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"I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?"You’re a flash in sky, forget the pan
Consuming attention, all that you can Creating quite a consensus of awe “Most spectacular [they] ever saw!” Every head turned and jaw agape Blink and we’re a little too late Operated by computer command Beckoning for an ovation to stand Appearing only for massive crowds Stealing thunder from the clouds Beautiful? Yes, but self-assured One-night loneliness, you’re the cure Requiring so much But withholding touch Numb to emotion, party in mind Following the smoke — impossible to find But as your finale takes its turn Sky is consumed with fire’s burn Flashes of white, then black is cast Alas, you’re now a thing of the past |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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