So... I had this fabulous post composed in a running word document that I transpose many of my drafts, thoughts, and deepest most lurkings. It was acting kind of strange yesterday afternoon when I closed down my computer, but was off in a rush to my next job, so didn't think anything of it. Today, however, no intervention, reboot, or prayer could recover the document. I lost everything I've written since the 6th. EVERYTHING. I don't think I had compiled a symphony of words in the matter of a week but, there was certainly a few paragraphs about the new show-stopper in my life. First, I was manic to recover such words because I couldn't quite recapture them. I possessed very little motivation to begin again. Maybe it's because this was written when I was riding the high cloud of mutual attraction and heightened intrigue and now the cloud is just occupying space. It's more of a fog in my mind and peripheral vision. My judgment was hindered and my rational thinking was in jeopardy. After accepting this loss of unpublished words, I realized that really is a gesture of serendipity. Although this beautiful scene from the move is polar opposite of my reality, the surprising "good" that has come from this is the reality check that I'm getting too excited too quickly. My personality is a bubbly combination that escalates to a Diet Coke and Altoids reaction upon finding a romantic interest. This abstract of exhibit of serendipity shielded my heart from "putting all my eggs in one basket," "counting my chickens before they hatch," and "getting the wool pulled over my eyes." To foreshadow... I am the idiom in these plays on words. After the first couple dates going beautifully, he would say things like
"How are you single?" ....if I had a dollar....Our 5th date was comprised of doing relationship stuff, like running errands to sell extra fog lights from his boat, pumpkin spice pumpkins (because he's a basic bitch<---- his words, not mine), and TJMaxx, in which he informed me he was a true "Maxinista." Each time he parked, he rushed to get my car door-- didn't miss one. When we returned from the day of errands, we sanded and painted the hallway in his house. I like the idea of painting, but have no artistic inclination, so walls are safe...usually. We talked about our families, our past, and his legal separation. I was slightly embarrassed to say I must've missed that on his profile. He was open about it and his story seemed believable-- most likely attributed to the fact that he had already built trust with me. One would hope that a person with 28 years of life under their belt and an obnoxious amount of betrayal and breeches of trust, said person would be haphazard upon the opportunity to trust a new person..... Not me! I must be a glutton for punishment or something ... Then, he looked to me and told me he deleted all dating apps and "it feels good." I smiled and didn't say much because I certainly did not delete them but wasn't engaging in any conversations because I really wanted to see where this was going. I didn't reveal any of this, just smiled and continued enjoy being in his presence. Unashamed to admit to my readers, I'd checked his Tinder to ensure he didn't update his profile, and it seemed pretty inactive. I've adopted this habit from guys in the past I've started to really like that would tell me one thing and then act on another. This is my security blanket. Hold up Stephanie.... weren't you just writing a week ago how much of a Captain Crunch, CooCoo for Cocoa Puffs Cereal Dater? SO glad you brought that up! But of course! BUT, every so often, one guy stops me in my tracks and makes me "change my ways" ...at least for a period of time. Remember pothead, the publisher, Disney World? Yeah... they all had that effect. It's rare but not impossible and almost always ends in an explosion- not just flames. Well, Mr. Serendipity started the same way. Honeymoon stage could not be more of an intricate part of this "crazy little thing called love." Hold up Stephanie.... the "L" word? I haven't felt this word but ONCE in my life so calm your titties, as my sister says. I'm quoting good ole Queen, in honor of the phenomenal and almost accurate "Bohemian Rhapsody." Which I actually have a date scheduled to go see it again on Sunday ;)) It's actually quite interesting to report that the publisher actually played that very song for me and put MY NAME in the part "Ready Freddie" before the chorus half-way through the song. That too, was in the "honeymoon stage" of that encounter. The beginning is almost always beautiful. That's why, it is to no surprise that why, deep down, I didn't believe Mr. Serendipity when he claimed he wanted to introduce me to his best friend and he made a weird joke about it being a big step that he know knows my meme preference. That's why I found serendipity to be perfect to describe what I have with him. I grow with each guy I date (so I grow A LOT) and this one is teaching me to put up more walls and dare I say more standards? They all seem like "great guys" but, you never know the other side.... "Everything you want is on the other side of fear" |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
April 2022
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