I have a large appetite for control. Not in the sense where I posses it, but instead relinquish it willingly. Wandering and waiting for someone to capsize my power. "Ask not what [others] can do for [me] but what [I] can do for [others]." Philanthropy would be the healthy option, but I prefer fast food. Greasy manipulation dipped in spicy restraint-- hold the equality. I thirst for infatuation with a shot of jealousy. Every time my tray is empty, I'm always the first in line for compliments with ulterior motives. Accusations and assumptions are my condiments of choice-- anything to fuel a petty argument. I have a hankering for isolation and feeling like mind control. I transform into a lab rat-- caged and destined for experiments, not even treated like that of a pet. Caged, replaying Maya Angelou's lines, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" in my frazzled mind. Imprisoned and savoring any peak of light through my cage, I still willing and waiting for the next time his finger graces my furry exterior. He feeds me and fills my water bottle... these are illusions of genuine care. I mistake it for love; abuse quakes over me-- degrading. I won't break out, so I play my part until the next scientist comes in. Beakers, scalpels, and Pavlov's dog experiment fresh on his brain, I'm in for more than operant conditioning. I've actually made this recipe for a friend 6 years ago. Turns out, he was INCREDIBLY manipulative and we weren't even dating! Oh, the irony. This recipe is perrrrrfect.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 2 1/2-quart ovenproof bowl and two 8-inch-round cake pans with cooking spray. A bowl is suiting because each controller is unique in the way they contain me. Beat the cake mix, eggs, buttermilk and vegetable oil in a large bowl. Divide the batter among the bowl and pans and bake about 25 minutes for the pans and about 45 minutes for the bowl. Cool in the pans 15 minutes, then unmold onto racks. Let us talk about the significance of embracing our own power. Ironically, two posts ago, I wrote about exhibiting the power we've had in us all along. Make the lettuce: Sprinkle some green or white sugar on a cutting board. Roll out the spearmint candies to 1/8 inch thick with a rolling pin, sprinkling with more sugar to keep the candies from sticking. Cut each flattened gummy piece into 3 strips. Fold each strip accordion-style to make ruffles, like he ruffles my expectations for this encounter. Pinch the ends together. Make the cheese: No pictures please. Roll out the orange fondant on a cornstarch-dusted surface to about 1/8 inch thick. Trim the fondant into a 7-inch square; cover with plastic wrap and set aside. Trim the top of 1 round cake and the flat side of the bowl cake to make them level; crumble the trimmings. Crumble like he crumbled the independence you've built your whole life. Mix the vanilla frosting, 4 tablespoons chocolate frosting and the yellow and red food coloring in a bowl to make a light brown frosting. Mixing personalities and tendencies.... Make the bottom bun: You're at the bottom of his priority list and not even on his respect list-- but don't think that excuses you from respecting him. Put the trimmed round cake on a serving plate or cake board. Frost with some of the light brown frosting. Arrange the gummy-candy ruffles around the edge of the cake. Make the patty: Spread the remaining chocolate frosting over the top and sides of the untrimmed round cake. You were spread thin when he found you. Press the crumbled cake trimmings into the frosting. Assemble the burger: Put the chocolate patty on the bottom bun, then drape the orange fondant on top. You're draped around his arm when he determines the timing is right. Frost the bowl-shaped cake with the remaining light brown frosting; place on the patty. Press the rice cereal into the frosting to appear like sesame seeds. These are similar to the seeds he planted for future demise. Alas, something else to sink his teeth into. Photograph by Antonis Achilleos Recipe courtesy Food Network Magazine https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/food-network-kitchen/cheeseburger-cake-recipe-1973681
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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