Hi, I'm Stephanie and I'm a hoarder....of relationships.Leave me unread? He was busy Messages me when it's convenient for him? Happy he reached out Consider me a friend when he leaves her? I show up with 7 flavors of chocolate and "He's Just Not That Into You" Inconsiderate in response types like strictly sexual, only responding to parts about t-h-e-m? Try even harder to engage them in the convo Only comments on my pics featuring my best friend? He thinks we're BOTH pretty *wow* I met and became quickly intrigued with a guy I met in Edinburgh, Scotland. He had an Irish last name, an Asian mother, island upbringing, and a gypsy mentality. FINALLY someone that can keep up with me, I thought. But, one lesson I've yet to learn is, there is no one that reacts like I do. No one that takes the same consideration, has pure intentions, and will be one of the best friends even if it is one-sided. Since this lesson had yet to be learned, I collected him and began a back-and-forth kind of relationship. Not a defined one with a label like a brand name can of soup, but one where we poured effort with obnoxious time differences and diverse cultures/mentalities. I liked him and made cuts in other parts of my life in pursuit of this unattainable, exciting "thing." It's not until a month or so ago that my friends (true ones that aren't part of the hoarding) brought me to the surface of what this was. Just because we talk everyday from a 14-hour time zone, do not constitute sacrificing needs. I find it humorous when people "do it for the gram" yet, am I not doing the same thing when I go out of my way to date someone unattainable? Someone with minuet interest in maintaining something with me automatically receives my time, mental capacity, and emotional effort for.... what? A good story? I need to start being my own "good story." This is the soundtrack behind the decision to continue to pursue two different men that wanted as much to do with me as a vegan does a ribeye.As if the boy on the opposite side of the globe that couldn't be bothered to buy me a drink 2 drunken nights in a row or compliment me, I picked up one at a brewery that also didn't fit "my type" but, I figured we could spend each other's time and have a lax cuddle contract. HOLD UP. So, I was kidding about the cuddle contract and have made a post about it before, but this is an ACTUAL profession! https://www.cuddlecomfort.com/terms/pro-cuddler-contract One would think their job is indanger of being shut-DOWN... thank you COVID-19. And now back to the hoarding.... This is another guy I had no damn business pursing. Not to mention, the timeline coincided with that of the international fling that I fabricated into more than it was. <<<< SO UNLIKE ME. *snickers and then realizes I'm not me when I'm hungry* All rational was lost in entertaining this post-military man. As IF I didn't learn my lesson dating practically half a branch while in Pensacola. With this particular lad, I was openly willing to reduce myself to a fling that:
This is how the world works: you gotta leave before you get left." - T Swizzle I used to adopt this song lyric from Taylor Swift (long before she published it) but, I don't know if age has created a sneaky desperation to grasp at the projects in arms reach, but my track record is just atrocious. The ashtrays from the smokers, the dog tags hiding the floor from all the military dudes, the passport stamps bleeding down the tired wallpaper, and rusted forks from ego-hungry narcissists have consumed my space for long enough. And those are just the ones I've dated! So, something finally has to give.... "I'm sorry [enter names here], I'm cleaning out my closet." Call it spring cleaning for my soul!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
April 2022
Categories
All
|