I've never set out to deliberately hurt someone. I'm sure that's contrary to belief of some of the stars of this blog, but it's the God's honest, swear on a stack of 17 magazines truth. I guess this is a safe space for me to reveal possibly my greatest insecurity while dating... Unless you're going to use it against me too. I guess we'll see... Wouldn't be the first time. This insecurity remains after 2 and 1/2 years of dating, especially in my cereal dating style, Lucky Charms that turned out to be missing the four leaf clover and the red balloon, Cocoa Puffs that didn't turn the milk, and Fruity Pebbles, which I recently received an additional helping of. The thing is, I possess little confidence that I'll be able to keep a guy once I have him, because I have very beautiful friends and more than a handful have fallen for or hit on my friends. Specifically, my roommate, one of the best friends. The blonde that's in all the double dates that never work out but, we never learn oh, that's her; guys trip over me for her. If you've read just two of the double date mini-series, you would see proof is in the pudding. Oh, do I sense foreshadowing? That may be our dessert. Let's find out in sabotage... After a word from our sponsors. Do you poop out at parties? Well, I have disclosed this insecurities with several of the guys have gotten close to. Usually, it's in a moment of weakness or vulnerability. All three of these suitors pursued her after things went awry with us. One of them one is far too confess it was deliberately to hurt me. My eyes grew to the size of the Great Pumpkin. If only Linus Could See Me Now. Good thing I didn't have his blanket though, I probably would have strangled the person who uttered these words. The person that lied and swore he didn't reach out to her to hit on her butt to make amends with me and to convince her to give convince me that he deserves another chance. First of all, what would make him think she's my keeper? She has no power here, be gone before someone drops a house on you too! Secondly, he admitted to lying and to deliberately hurting someone in one breath? Is he stable? Who would admit that and expect things to go well? He did. I actually talked with my best friend about it today, whom said she would never deliberately hurt someone and that's where this blog post stemmed from. Yes I've gone on a lot of dates, yes some of them wanted to pursue something long-term and I was just in it for fun. Yes, I talked to many of them at one time. I never lied about it, but I never sketched it on a name tag. Yes I unmistakingly lead some of them on. Yes I was indecisive about what I wanted at the expense of their feelings. But I wanted to give it a fair try. I didn't want to end things without shadow of a doubt that it wouldn't work between us or it wasn't something worth working toward. Yes I ghosted some in the beginning until I learned how it felt and swore I'd never do that again. Yes I've used the excuse that I'm just not looking to date seriously and then started talking to someone seriously. Yes! A thousand times yes I could have been better.. But I never initiated things with the intent of getting them to fall for me and me retracting. I never plan to fall.... Sometimes I could follow through with that and other times I couldn't quite hit the mark. Intentions say a lot about a person; I think people should be more intentional with them. Think them through and the repercussions of such intentions, especially if the other person isn't made aware of them. If you're wanting friends with benefits, but don't convey that in words, the other person may be a whole different mind track. I've been there and it was very messy-- And I was actually the one with the friends with benefit mind-track! The second guy hit on Tiffany after things didn't work out with me just like me and did it in a very disrespectful way to hurt. He was headband boy if you recall. But the third one is the one that still perplexes me. He's the one that busted me on the blog and was very hurt at the things I wrote. I don't blame him. I can't imagine what people would say about me and the way I acted on dates, especially is my history. And I'm sure I wouldn't want it to be out there because at the end of the day, reluctant to say, I do care what people think. I think this guy didn't necessarily thirst for revenge, but wanted to retaliate. He wanted to shoot back. After all, the easiest way to get over someone is rage. If he's disgruntled with me, my actions, and my essence, it will be easier to swallow good times we had.... eventually writing them off completely. Of course, Tiffany didn't oblige so nothing came of it, but we both knew the intention behind that course of action. I felt betrayed. I felt like my secret was now put on display in the Middle School cafeteria with a megaphone. Maybe that's how he felt with his four blog posts and now shout out. He actually has five blog posts, which I'm fairly certain he read the fifth one because I received a text several hours later. I couldn't bare to reply, but we both know there's no turning back. I think there's sabotage potential and all of us. When we want something, but we're not sure it's good for us or not sure we deserve it if we have misaligned self worth, we sabotage it. Lock ourselves out an opportunity for good. We sit ourselves in a fridge so we can think about what we've done and when we come out, we can't have that one thing we wanted. I think to some extent, all three of these guys sabotaged things because, even if I came crawling back to them, there may have been a shot. Or, I could be totally off my rocker here, ....But by using my vulnerability, which I exposed timidly but trustingly, it disintegrated any chance of me groveling back to them. I have no problem groveling if it's necessary. I groveled in my longest relationship about a year in. I'll fight for things I desire, but I have enough worse to not fight for someone who could possibly devise a plan to inflict harm on me or someone I love. I'm not trying for some pudding and Harley kind of love, so here's a chocolate mousse how to keep things light and sabotage any dessert refrain.
https://addapinch.com/homemade-vanilla-pudding-recipe/
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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