Season: Winter 2022 Location: Denton, TX How I broke my own rules, thus breaking my own heart: 11. Who I became while fighting with him is someone I didn't recognize. "New 'tude, who dis?" I started raising my voice, became prideful, and was much sassier than all my teenage years combined. 12. My other rule was allowing a guy to yell at one of my friends.... even he yelled at her first. Ummm... that rule seems a little.... guh, maybe my lack of rules broke my own heart 13. Second guessing my phrasing is a reflection of him... I'm driven almost 110% by emotions so I don't second guess many of my words, they encompass me almost instantly and dive from my little lips. Proof God has a sense of humor by giving such a chatty Kathy tiny lips. But, during "the end" he continually used my words against me swearing my phrase was x verbatim. First I fought back and then I apologized for making him feel that way, coming off that way, or racking my brain how I could have said something I had little recollection or intention of. 14. Repetitive guilt plauged me in our last phone conversation. Guilt for my actions, inaction, feeling I had to remedy and take accountability for errrything. Yet he only took accountability for raising his voice at my bestie and for "being playful" with the naked comment.
Proof I didn't guard my heart even when the music was undeniable; you can't mistake Nickelback. Lol. I rooted for his basketball team Friday while at my favorite live music bar in Charleston. Sure, he's haunted my dreams and no other guy is even remotely appealing right now So with the Nickelback playing, I reached back out and swallowed my pride (I'm sure he was wondering if I did). He made me feel like he was doing ME a favor to listen to my apology in person. His hesitancy was 5 claws to the leg from a black cat you were just paying genuine attention and affection to. What the... French toast?! So again, I'm going to take myself out and I guess get back the respect for myself I lost. And get a vlog readyy. Lights... Maybe because I lost my center for a bit. Haha understatement of the year. Yes, I'm aware it's still the first month of 2022. I did things so out of character for me (constant texting like a 13-year-old with a pink Nokia and staying home from the club) and I need to get back to building itineraries instead of fantasizing roots. I'm no tree, I don't do that. I need to learn when to leaf well enough alone.... we know hpw datesandcakes loves a challenge.
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Mr. Struck By Lightning was EVERYTHING. I know, I know, past tense tells us where this ends before it begins AND how many times I have I felt, blogged, or screamed that before? This story is stale and is in need of a ziplock or re-baking. It all started like they all do... :( Guh that feels as awful as it sounds. Then again, so does Nickelback yet they've won over 27 awards including "worst band." How's that for "How You Remind Me?" This guy was intelligent, caring, generous beyond belief (mostly drawn from his profession choice), nurturing, found me funny (requirement), nerdy, honest (maybe a bit too much off the bat but still hit a single ;), and ambitious. He cooked for me on our first date, which was all too humorous since I detest pasta, which I know is unamerican and anti-italian and mama mia! I should be hit with a meatball but... it's just not my jam (or peanut butter). Anywhooooo, he is Italian and saw this as a challenge to show off his skills in the kitchen with his grandmother's recipe. He plated a lemon garlic pasta with arugula, panchetta, and Parmesan. He was so excited when his fork plunged into his masterpiece while I.... couldn't contain my taste-bud tango. Looking at me with his big blue eyes he beckoned, "What do you think?" My face said it all. I tried to mask it but Mardi Gras was not yet upon us. He saw the truth like a polygraph. "Oh, you really don't like it?" His face sunk. I couldn't help but laugh and utter, "I mean, it's good.." while I twirled my fork in the spaghetti. My hunger and strict upbringing of "finish your plate" and "when someone makes something for you, you eat it" compelled me to finish the bowl. It really wasn't that bad by the time I scrapped up the last bite. I did however feel a little like Lucy with Vitavitavegamin. Well.... it surprisingly made the date all the more comfortable. We were ourselves and I lapped up every moment. I became quickly drunk on his honesty of his divorce, the cleanliness of his home that you could tell wasn't just a deep cleaning before the girl comes over, and the way he looked at me with those deep color-changing eyes. He was like a mood ring that I just HAD TO HAVE. Somewhere between date number 1 ^^ and date number 2 where I also spent it at his house and later spent the night.... I found myself cropping this guy and pasting him in my future plans. Not just the weeks leading up to his birthday in March but beyond. To infinity.... yes, I was buzzed ;)) Another thing to note: we were never drunk. Never. The most we had was two drinks on the first date and the second, we were just consumed with each other. It was freeing and consuming all at once. So what went wrong? This is datesandcakes afterall.... something always doesWell, like chalk on concrete, my boundaries with those I care about are colorful, fun, and washable. My best friend, whom I've mentioned countless times and was featured on the blog several times is my constant. She's dated with me, nursed the ending of the relationship we thought "was it," lost our grandmothers, moved three states together, raised the cutest damn bulldog you've ever seen and made this thing called life more tolerable. The bestie and I danced, drank, and dreamed our pain away for 16 years now. So, to say she's not involved in my love life is a bold face lie. But... to what extent is healthy? Confession session: I still don't know. She's fueled with past potentials of mine a number of times, inevitably ending in well, the end. So.... with Mr. Struck By Lightening, I was stoked when she gave me her seal of approval about him. She loved his passion for scary movies, his openness to answering questions about if he truly was divorced, age of his daughter, and intentions with me. Excessive or is my bestie just thorough? Maybe that's revealing my weakness of not gathering the courage to ask some of those questions myself or maybe I'd prefer living in the aloofness fantasy of not knowing. Or maybe... I should have let things build over time instead of condone an interrogation... but, you have to admit, the seal is pretty cute. In the 7+ hours gushing on the phone and 29 hours that we spent engrossed in conversation and electric "like," I grew incredibly fond of this man and really REALLY thought it was going to blossom into something soon, like a flower on speed. I don't know plant terminology... not as "green" as I should be I guess *rolls green eyes* Well, it all was at stake (medium rare) when the bestie questioned his motives the day before date number 3. First, she interrogated me, pressing me about details about his daughter and why we haven't gone on a date in person and then about the details about his credit cards, which were his reason the third date MAY or may not happen, contingent upon the status of his flagged card that was being resent to his house hopefully by the date of the date. Haha, thank you comic relief. Since I couldn't provide specific details to the bestie, she decided to verify herself since her faith in men had been recently corrupted due to multiple acts of infidelity from her long-distance boyfriend. That catastrophic event was discovered days before me and Mr. Struck By Lightening's date. This is where it got ugly. OH heavens no! This was actually where it got sexy ;)) Mark of his passion after date number two. Again, my attempt at comic relief because I'm distraught about the ending of this one. You heard me! DISTRAUGHT. Usually I leave and never look back... this one, well, didn't make it so easy. After the interrogation about the cards and yelling between him and my bestie, they both apologized. It was strange to watch and honestly, I couldn't believe a couple things:
Naturally, he rescheduled date #3. He felt "a bit defeated" and needed some time to "dust himself off and pick himself up." All to say: he's human and is also probably trying to wrap his head around the fact that it actually is butter. lol Ugh. Next day went by and the conversation took a terrible turn via text. I was a bit tied with work so wasn't able to respond too much into it so called before dinner. He responded a short, "okay... sorry you feel that way" to my call of "I really thought you could be the one but now I don't know how we can continue from here." And he didn't fight for me. So... I blame myself for allowing things to get this out of hand where it became a 3 person relationship. He probably feels he dodged a bullet and can't believe he got matched with such a crazy... then again, part of me feels he wasn't as into me as I thought since he was able to quit me cold turkey (or chicken). Guess the Stephona is curable... and yet, I still yearn to hear from him. Potentially the biggest SMH moment of datesandcakes history! Thoughts are welcome...Dedicated to: A guy that I had no business liking that STILL remains clueless that I ever liked him
Season: Fall 2021 He knows only of your existence Aloof to your mental resistance Lightly circling the topic of The next contender of whom to love Hope hopscotching lines in chalk Tempted to cross with tangled talks But alas, the play is one-sided His name: the one with the title beside it Dreams are cast-away on 12-hour shift Relationship: unlikeliest of gifts Extinguishing naivety is a must Weathered emotions naturally rust Discolored, he'll become distant Secret he'll never know he missed it |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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