Dating has seemed to lose its luster so in the inbetweens, I find reading is actually something productive that provides a sense of accomplishment instead of chipping away at the self-worth I've worked tirelessly to build over the last 11 months. The wild thing about the books I stumble upon are that they provide deep insight to relevant things in a young, single, hustling female. My latest page turner, "We Are All the Same In the Dark," took place in Texas, which his a first... so the first quote is pertaining to that, but the others are quite profound in sound.... Texas is a beautiful poison you drink from your mother's breast; the older you get and the farther you run, the more it pounds in your blood."
Strangers are powerful. They can mark you in twenty seconds. They can rob you at gunpoint so you never feel safe again. They can mention you're pretty at a party when no one else ever has, and then you don't kill yourself that day or maybe any other day. It's like a diamond tossed out a car window you were lucky enough to catch. I always found it interesting that children are taught to avoid strangers, yet everyone is a stranger at one point or another. That begs the question, how do you meet new people or familiarize someone if their existence in relation to you is well, strange? I've had strangers enlighten and empower me and friends of years betray me (one or two of them in the worst of ways). Maybe this is why Dates and Cakes has come to be and never seems to be depleted of stories: the amusement with those unfamiliar. The luster of the "new car smell" only lasts through so many hailstorms, trips to and from the beach, hauls of baseball equipment, drunk friends, and moving boxes. Then, the smell is gone and the nose is distracted by freshly baked bread, strongly brewed coffee, or popping popcorn. Life is never yours. You are just renting it out while the landlord in the sky ups the price until you can't pay anymore. But what are you going to do? Like Charles Manson said, we're all living with the death penalty." Alas, another Carpe Diem quote. LOVE. Yes, Dates and Cakes is still baking. I GUESS Dates and Cakes is still dating but with much less interest and effort put forth. This dessert, if I had to parallel one, would be Banana Crumb Cake. Sure, circumstances can be crumby, but we need to seek what is appeeling and create our own sweetness. Crumb Topping:
For the Banana Cake:
For the Glaze:
For the Banana Cake:
For the Glaze:
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Smiles at a jogger's pace
Attachment, there's no place. Curiosity always curved Sympathy seekers curbed. Lingering until latched, Genuine intention stashed. Liberally lining their pockets, Energy greater than sockets. Unplug upon satisfaction. Ignore embittered reaction. Sultry scan for a souvenir, Hardly the parasite pioneer. I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.In no way am I saying these guys are not "doing the damn thing" we call life and looking good doing it. What I'm saying is, I look at each one of these guys as what they could be to me and what we could be together. Selfish, right? Instead of basing it off their arrangement of words, gestures, and follow-through (or absence of follow through). I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far. Probably 96% of what is manifesting between this guy and I, (whether it's been 2 weeks or 3 days) is sheer fantasy. This is not to be confused with the perfume, Fantasy by Brittney Spears, who is free now. YOU GO GIRL; 2007 is finally over for you! I make assumptions and expectations with absolutely no scientific evidence. Ones like:
I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;)) You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately.... It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong!
I'm so consumed with the beauty of what it would mean to be a beautiful structure that people from every land marvels at, that I ignore the lack of building materials, motivation, or color to make such a relationship happen. I lose sense of reality for a little bit and act like Dorothy or Alice, allowing only my imagination and shiny things to guide me. There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better. Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator! So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:
Although my favorite Disney princess has always been a 3-way tie between Pochahontas, Mulan, and Belle, I have always wanted to be referred to as "Belle with her nose in a book." Even if someone somewhere just said it once.I used to spend hours in the Mount Pleasant library, 4 minutes from my house, collecting travel books, cookbooks, and devotionals for rent. There was one time when I even felt the eyes from the security guard on me; not because he thought I slipped a book in my bag without checking it out, but with interest of some sort. Then again, it could have very well been in my head. ;)Fast Forward to my library adventures in Texas post-heart expenditure: November 2020.Heart Expenditure (noun): The state in which one's heart has let too many "potentials" in, only to be underwhelmed. In this datesandcakes definition specifically, it was allowing 4 guys into my heart space in the span of 7 months. If you're thinking the math doesn't add up, you'll be happy to learn that insecurity was my common denominator. All of them retreated and I was left with the wreckage of myself and my own undoing in November 2020. Instead of living out the definition of insanity, I tried a new hobby to distract me from dating and breaking down. If you've ever sat in a room with me, you'd know within seconds that I do not. sit. still. So, reading novels has always been a struggle, even in school with AP classes that required summer reading. But, here I was, looking, hoping for something new. I read the book to the left in four days and the book on the right in five. They were RIVETING. I felt alive and accomplished and was providing my own approval for a change. One common theme (besides murder muhahah! What can I say? I always loved Nancy Drew even though it took me weeks to finish one because of all my "distractions") quickly surfaced that men should not be trusted. I'm sure you're thinking, how convenient that datesandcakes reads books to support her serial dating trend and is, like most women, an innocent bystander.
These books actually helped me realize how many of the guys I've dated are and will always be, strangers. I knew more about these characters and how they face fear, mortality, morals, integrity, and greed than the four from the pandemic. For cereal, if I do ever write a book or series of books, one of them HAS to be "The Four From the Pandemic: How to Date During a Pandemic and Insure You Leave Pieces Behind." But being totally shallow here (because deep down, we all have been at one time or another), these two titles scream some of my insecurities that lead me to date these guys that were not fit for me. AT ALL. I wanted to be a pretty thing on his arm and gosh, did I want to be seen. But the more carona cases reported, with maps stretched as far as the screen can capture, the more people I realize are out there that could be that match. Maybe my pretty thing is in Morocco and I've been too distracted with the wrong corners of the compass. I'm alone and could not be happier. .... I don't know if that's gasp worthy or cliche but.... today, at this moment while clacking this blog out, pressed against a heating pad when I should very well be asleep, I'm at peace with saying that. :)) The cakes will still be baked, the vlogs will still be recorded, and God knows the attention will still be yearned for, but I'm hopefully going to approach it better. Here's for hoping and for new hobbies! Single Ole Bird Left With PiecesPersonally, Reese's pieces are my least favorite of the Reese's family (the candy-coated sheep if you will). They have no chocolate, which seems like an impostor thing to do and m'nms are better so.... that's how the candy crumbles! BUT, with this post, and the introduction of my coined "heart expenditure," I found this candy suiting and this recipe humorous. Y'all know I enjoy a good joke and I often "roast" myself so.... Ingredients
Instructions
An excerpt from DatesandCakes in the early days:There’s a fine line between anesthetized and shattered. The numbness a girl can harness is safe, a way to wrap herself in protection from sweet, little lies. But it is so easy to let someone in. To feel something for once that’s deceptively beautiful. You can say you won’t let another one in— this time I’m going to “just have fun” or “date like a guy and keep the emotion out of it” but, is that ever reality? Can you ever truly leave emotion out of it when you’ve made that connection? I wrestle with this every dozen guys or so. I say this so casually because connections are rare in the perfect amount: not too scarce but not easily tangible. So, upon discovering said connection, a rush tingles through your fingertips and now there’s a difference when his name flashes on your phone versus the others. But don’t underestimate the importance of “the others.” These play a part when this temporary “connection” pulls away. When he fades like just another sunset, you’re not alone. It’s a shallow kind of comfort but the heart becomes desperate when struck. This wrapped with a warped confidence that you’re worth it keeps you warm through another night… well, warm enough—it’s not “him” after all. But don’t be naive enough to think you’re the only operator harnessing the secret weapon of “others.” Your “connection” not only has “others” but, there’s a chance you’re one of his. I know, that stings. Isn’t infatuation fun? The Connection?Appreciation is a thing that should be constantly brought to the surface. THIS scene from PInk Panther (the remake of course, no Peter Sellers but, good none the less) is a joy, along with this epiphany I made about "the others." Since I haven't posted much since the last ache, this story is recovery.
This guy strolled up to the bestie and I stood beside her, like a shiny new pack of gum, peaking out of her purse. Wait... what? Gave ya something to chew on, huh? ;) Lol anywhooooooooooo My eyes trimmed in coal mascara skimmed the bar. They came to a screeching halt when I read a graphic t-shirt that read: pizza planet. Instantly let my nerd show and sparked a conversation about it. My intention was to escort myself to the dance floor after that quick Disney convo, but he SO HAPPENED to be the friend of the guy talking to my bestie. AND he had a country accent so thick, my feet seemed stuck right beside him. There's something about an accent so thicc, I can spread on toast... Like another round of shutdowns in 2020, I'm back! .....too soon... Well, this gent and I got to talking about interests and he said he lays pie-puh for work. I'm sorry, what?! Accent so thick, I could spread it on toast! It was sweeter than the green apple crown he got me. Then, ADHeffingD Stephanie tuned into the Shakira song that the dj delighted the honky tonk with. Without missing a beat, this country stranger from Oklahoma got to see first hand, Stephanie in her natural habitat. Breaking it down on the dance floor like I was back in Spain with that strong Reggaeton beat, I was in my element. Not quite a spectacle, but the Crown maybe told me a different story. As soon as the genre changed to country, he, Mr. Other Accent of Honey approached me and spun me into a two-stepping spree. I have no clue what song it was, but I beamed. I loved it! A country nerd spinning and twirling me around in the moment like a bowl of whipping cream and powdered sugar.... foreshadowing. At some point, he asked for a kiss, but I told him this wasn't Hershey's. As we turned, so did the clock and closing time was calling us home. We stepped outside as a group; him and his friend invited us back to their lake house, but before the invite fully dropped out of their mouth, I politely declined. Mr. Other Accent of Honey turned his head, "Wool, ken I at leeeest git yur phoooone number?" <<<best phonetic imitation of this bearded Okie. I slyly shook my head, with no fear of becoming dizzy. My bestie I suppose showed her sly side by slipping my number into his phone while I turned to look for our Uber. We parted ways with a smile and I knew that was the one and only time I'd hear that honey drawl and I was completely content. I kneaded that (like fresh dough on a floured surface). How simply our interaction illustrated that there are plenty of southern fish in the sea; some that are just here for fin and some that didn't belong in your part of the ocean anyway. Even though sometimes foundation is the goal, a dollop of fun that can even be bought out of a can Actual footage of my heart:This "other" showed me that I should whip those feelings of regret with the last country boy with a honeysuckle accent that also tangled me up on that same dance floor. Life is dolloped with sweetness that many times, isn't meant to last. That's the art to its sugar. Like any dessert on datesandcakes, it's sweet while it lasts but, the tray of brownies will eventually deplete or grow stale. It's the memories made while preparing these brownies and the time they borrowed and impression they made.... even if it landed on your hips ;)) Others' Whipped Cream
Quite familiar with the board game folded
If it were cards, a glance I'd have stolen Only to learn what suspicion spoke He too is a fiction chapter book No future to picture, as the pages turn Not Ray Bradbury's, but this too will burn Promising plot, but no deliberate direction Large font so suitableness is lost in affection Only when hands are mounted under hemlines No deviation for wandering of men's minds Strictly convenient with counterfeit caring Wrapped in more than his pages, conscious blaring Life lives him as him time title tease Colorful character but his ending: easy to read Replace to the shelf before he tries the same Alas, there's copious curves from this dame Throw Back to Fall 2016 when the dating bonanza all started..."Take down paradise and put up a parking lot" plays in the backgroundMr. Height to Cause Flight was a 6"2 goofy guy with a beard. Sweet, sensitive family oriented guy in search of a wedding date. He was one of my first matches that I turned into a meeting, while being on Plenty of Fish. I know what you've heard, but I met some real gripping guys on the dating site that's been around since yahoo chatrooms. #vintage #OG He took me on a walk-and-talk type date after early dinner in Southlake Towncenter. He seemed like such a genuine person and we had so much in common. A decent kisser and his height was certainly a plus. Mama always said find someone good to look up to. Come to think of it now... I don't think this is what she had in mind. We scheduled another date in the heart of Fort Worth at a cocktail bar on Magnolia. I have to admit... I double booked that particular Saturday. Plans for an after party would open the floor for two possibilities: if the date went well, he could meet my friends, but if it didn't, I could dance the night away with my girls. I take back-up plans and exit strategies seriously. THAT WAS WHEN I BEGAN STANDING UP TO GUYS. I'm not sure if it was more the fact that I hadn't received much attention from guys at this point in my 26 years of life or I just hadn't been involved with one's that I had to deem unworthy. Not that I'm putting myself above them but I'm building myself up by saying there's ways you don't deserve to be treated. It's easy to list Nicholas Sparks and Disney fairy tale expectations for how you wish to be treated but it seems a little dark to list things you simply won't tolerate. It wasn't easy or very empowering to say (in more than just words) that they blew their chance.... but, this was just the beginning. Spoiler alert: the date did not go well. I mean, this is datesandcakes afterall.... usually the bad dates are the ones that make for the best recipeThe irony here that I claimed this (back in 2017 when I reflected on this dating encounter at the tail-end of 2016) is when I started standing up to guys. What happened? Four years later and I'm still getting tread on. My, my, my. History does repeat itself. What "went down" was actually almost me. Jokes aside, I was not really feeling the date anymore. He continued with me to the next bar where I was supposed to meet my friends. He got himself a beer and slumped on a bar stool, while I made my way to the dance floor, the distance of two four-top tables away. He had a perfect view as I smiled back at him from my twerking stance with my bestie. Just kidding, I didn't know how to twerk at this point in my young life. One of the times I looked back at him, I got a clingy, yet creepy vibe from him. It wasn't quite a stalker creepy vibe, but more than a Halloween spooky vibe. My bestie beckoned over the music, "he gonna bounce or?" I never asked if she experienced the same discomfort, or if she was just reading my body language. I rolled my eyes in agreement, finished the Shakira song, and made my way, four strides to his table. I forget how I got him to his feet, but I politely tried to convey that this date was over. I walked him back to his car as a peaceful parting. When I went in for a hug before leaving, that was when he grabbed me and kissed me. His left arm wrapped around the top of my shoulder and his right arm strapped against my lower back, locking his hand on my hip. I pulled away where there was about a head space between us. His lips moved toward mine as I tried to pull free from the abrasive hug. His left arm slid to my forearm and held a tight grip. Trying not to panic, I shot him a look right before twisting my arm free. His right arm reached for my belt loop as my unsteady voice projected into the dimly lit parking garage, "Stt-top! Let go!" "What?" He coaxed. I lunged backward as I saw the eyes of a couple assessing the situation from a few yards away. I nearly jogged away from his car stammering, "what the FUCK" under my breath as I zipped across the garage and back to the sidewalk in front of the bar that my friends were awaiting my return. I was in disbelief. Utter disbelief that I just lived the beginning of a CSI episode, yet luckily made it out before they called in the investigators. I originally wrote this piece as a "Me Revolution" but, honestly, this was a survival story. Grant it, nothing happened, but I was genuinely afraid. I had shit to do in the morning and snatching would've really impeded with my plans. Humor is my coping mechanism for most incongruencies, but for cereal: no person should ever make you feel like that: unsafe, panic-stricken, and trapped. This was more about us both having alcohol in our system. This is a real risk of dating strangers. He called me a week after the incident befuddled why I hadn't returned his call. After explaining my side, he refuted my words as sharply as he had refuted my desire to stop kissing the week before. "You know what? I don't want to talk about this anymore. I didn't feel safe and I have to go," I spoke firmly and clearly. A smile crept across my face as I hit the end button and my screen dimmed. I exhaled. I was tired of "being polite" in uncomfortable situations. That call was the beginning of respecting and looking out for me. I had mastered dismissing the guy that put his social needs before me, and now for guy that puts his physical needs before me-- dismissed. This girl is a fighter💪 in more ways than one. I'm again, breathing heavily reliving this as I punch the ending of this encounter into my keyboard. My friends were there but there was nothing they could do. I was alone and he was the least likely (in my poor judgement of a call) to put me in a situation like that. I guess judging a book by its cover continues to teach its lessons... This dessert could only be paralleled to: Boxing BagelsIngredients
For the dough
The next morning: Remove the pans from the fridge and let sit at room temp for 1 hour.
So, this Dates and Cakes' post will pick up the fork in the road and visit the places that plated the best love affairs. Food is an art that draws me in with the aroma, colors, and presentation. The first place that came to mind when thinking of food I fell in love with was actually the food in the Salt Lake City... I just returned from a solo trip there (yes, even during new spikes in our Carona-induced world.... Dos Equis gets no love). I know this sounds like a crazy confession, but they had Venezuelan food, true Mexican mole, and great sour beers that they made in house! What more could you ask for in a mountain town? Well... it's near a mountain (or two). Since I started in the states, it's only fair to mention the C'est si bon food that IS New Orleans; they probably have the best food in the country. How can I make such bold claims? Simple, I'm Cajun. San Francisco had great sourdough bread and baguettes. While we're here, I'll throw two more your way: Charleston has some great southern food and have revolutionized brunch. Then, Hillcountry and the metroplex in Texas has great BBQ, tacos, Tex-Mex, Mexican, and burgers.... "Put some south in your mouth" as the wise ones say... But how elementary of my palate to stay in the states for good eats? My heart fluttered with the flavors the central of Belize provided me. I loved the food in Belize because it's a humble country, so all the citizens I encountered were friendly and welcoming. Their food is phenomenal and they cook it right in front of you out on big pits. Sizzling meat Greece also had a really good food because they fry their cheese oh gosh! Belgium has good food too! When I was in Brussels and Brugges, I just ate my way through those cities. This pastry was something we stumbled upon while exploring Brussels by foot. It was a cream cheese tart with middle eastern influence (we were in an Arabian neighborhood/district kilometres outside city center).And obviously Rome has really really really really really good pasta. Like the homemade tortellini I could have eaten without the sauce but then he put hand-grinded pesto sauce and I seriously thought I was going to go into a food coma. Prague did not disappoint with their fairy tale cottages of sweets. Unfortunately, their staff's customer service was no fairy tale. Madrid has GREAT tapas and Bordeaux has incredible bread. Even from their grocery store like one croissant was like equivalent to $0.85 and I almost wept, it melted in my mouth. Two words: STREET MEAT. Where? Budapest and Brussels
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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