I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.In no way am I saying these guys are not "doing the damn thing" we call life and looking good doing it. What I'm saying is, I look at each one of these guys as what they could be to me and what we could be together. Selfish, right? Instead of basing it off their arrangement of words, gestures, and follow-through (or absence of follow through). I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far. Probably 96% of what is manifesting between this guy and I, (whether it's been 2 weeks or 3 days) is sheer fantasy. This is not to be confused with the perfume, Fantasy by Brittney Spears, who is free now. YOU GO GIRL; 2007 is finally over for you! I make assumptions and expectations with absolutely no scientific evidence. Ones like:
I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;)) You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately.... It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong!
I'm so consumed with the beauty of what it would mean to be a beautiful structure that people from every land marvels at, that I ignore the lack of building materials, motivation, or color to make such a relationship happen. I lose sense of reality for a little bit and act like Dorothy or Alice, allowing only my imagination and shiny things to guide me. There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better. Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator! So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:
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Although my favorite Disney princess has always been a 3-way tie between Pochahontas, Mulan, and Belle, I have always wanted to be referred to as "Belle with her nose in a book." Even if someone somewhere just said it once.I used to spend hours in the Mount Pleasant library, 4 minutes from my house, collecting travel books, cookbooks, and devotionals for rent. There was one time when I even felt the eyes from the security guard on me; not because he thought I slipped a book in my bag without checking it out, but with interest of some sort. Then again, it could have very well been in my head. ;)Fast Forward to my library adventures in Texas post-heart expenditure: November 2020.Heart Expenditure (noun): The state in which one's heart has let too many "potentials" in, only to be underwhelmed. In this datesandcakes definition specifically, it was allowing 4 guys into my heart space in the span of 7 months. If you're thinking the math doesn't add up, you'll be happy to learn that insecurity was my common denominator. All of them retreated and I was left with the wreckage of myself and my own undoing in November 2020. Instead of living out the definition of insanity, I tried a new hobby to distract me from dating and breaking down. If you've ever sat in a room with me, you'd know within seconds that I do not. sit. still. So, reading novels has always been a struggle, even in school with AP classes that required summer reading. But, here I was, looking, hoping for something new. I read the book to the left in four days and the book on the right in five. They were RIVETING. I felt alive and accomplished and was providing my own approval for a change. One common theme (besides murder muhahah! What can I say? I always loved Nancy Drew even though it took me weeks to finish one because of all my "distractions") quickly surfaced that men should not be trusted. I'm sure you're thinking, how convenient that datesandcakes reads books to support her serial dating trend and is, like most women, an innocent bystander.
These books actually helped me realize how many of the guys I've dated are and will always be, strangers. I knew more about these characters and how they face fear, mortality, morals, integrity, and greed than the four from the pandemic. For cereal, if I do ever write a book or series of books, one of them HAS to be "The Four From the Pandemic: How to Date During a Pandemic and Insure You Leave Pieces Behind." But being totally shallow here (because deep down, we all have been at one time or another), these two titles scream some of my insecurities that lead me to date these guys that were not fit for me. AT ALL. I wanted to be a pretty thing on his arm and gosh, did I want to be seen. But the more carona cases reported, with maps stretched as far as the screen can capture, the more people I realize are out there that could be that match. Maybe my pretty thing is in Morocco and I've been too distracted with the wrong corners of the compass. I'm alone and could not be happier. .... I don't know if that's gasp worthy or cliche but.... today, at this moment while clacking this blog out, pressed against a heating pad when I should very well be asleep, I'm at peace with saying that. :)) The cakes will still be baked, the vlogs will still be recorded, and God knows the attention will still be yearned for, but I'm hopefully going to approach it better. Here's for hoping and for new hobbies! Single Ole Bird Left With PiecesPersonally, Reese's pieces are my least favorite of the Reese's family (the candy-coated sheep if you will). They have no chocolate, which seems like an impostor thing to do and m'nms are better so.... that's how the candy crumbles! BUT, with this post, and the introduction of my coined "heart expenditure," I found this candy suiting and this recipe humorous. Y'all know I enjoy a good joke and I often "roast" myself so.... Ingredients
Instructions
So, this Dates and Cakes' post will pick up the fork in the road and visit the places that plated the best love affairs. Food is an art that draws me in with the aroma, colors, and presentation. The first place that came to mind when thinking of food I fell in love with was actually the food in the Salt Lake City... I just returned from a solo trip there (yes, even during new spikes in our Carona-induced world.... Dos Equis gets no love). I know this sounds like a crazy confession, but they had Venezuelan food, true Mexican mole, and great sour beers that they made in house! What more could you ask for in a mountain town? Well... it's near a mountain (or two). Since I started in the states, it's only fair to mention the C'est si bon food that IS New Orleans; they probably have the best food in the country. How can I make such bold claims? Simple, I'm Cajun. San Francisco had great sourdough bread and baguettes. While we're here, I'll throw two more your way: Charleston has some great southern food and have revolutionized brunch. Then, Hillcountry and the metroplex in Texas has great BBQ, tacos, Tex-Mex, Mexican, and burgers.... "Put some south in your mouth" as the wise ones say... But how elementary of my palate to stay in the states for good eats? My heart fluttered with the flavors the central of Belize provided me. I loved the food in Belize because it's a humble country, so all the citizens I encountered were friendly and welcoming. Their food is phenomenal and they cook it right in front of you out on big pits. Sizzling meat Greece also had a really good food because they fry their cheese oh gosh! Belgium has good food too! When I was in Brussels and Brugges, I just ate my way through those cities. This pastry was something we stumbled upon while exploring Brussels by foot. It was a cream cheese tart with middle eastern influence (we were in an Arabian neighborhood/district kilometres outside city center).And obviously Rome has really really really really really good pasta. Like the homemade tortellini I could have eaten without the sauce but then he put hand-grinded pesto sauce and I seriously thought I was going to go into a food coma. Prague did not disappoint with their fairy tale cottages of sweets. Unfortunately, their staff's customer service was no fairy tale. Madrid has GREAT tapas and Bordeaux has incredible bread. Even from their grocery store like one croissant was like equivalent to $0.85 and I almost wept, it melted in my mouth. Two words: STREET MEAT. Where? Budapest and Brussels
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
|
Who the hell did I think I was? I know there's a movement right now about girls being able to play the field and take their emotions out of physical interactions, but I need to face the bass-buzzing, window-down-blaring music that I'm different. My emotional capacity is not that of your average bear. Oh, did I forgot to give you the earth-shattering conclusion of this crush? GHOSTED. |
This is how the world works: you gotta leave before you get left." - T Swizzle
So, something finally has to give.... "I'm sorry [enter names here], I'm cleaning out my closet." Call it spring cleaning for my soul!
Doesn't automatically render a space
In your jumbled head of drafted plans
Shading the night to grays and tans
He brushed your curl aside as if it were practice
Outlined your firm expression that of an actress
Breathing close in a rhythm to hypnotize
Temporary this moment, yet to realize
Just because the scene has set doesn't mean he is
On the syllables of your name or how it sounds with his
So don't mistake a mere glint for an enlightening
You'll meet a thunder, fit to be his lightening
Since I bounce like an 80's pogo-stick, I figured I should expand on my adventures hobbling and wobbling around in a medical-grade (not Steve Madden unfortunately) Velcro boot. So... I ended up having broken toes I mentioned two posts ago for more than 6 weeks!! Possibly because I didn't seek medical attention or possibly because I can't stop, won't stop....
1. Conceal the pain
2. Blend dark colors with my black boot for fashion forgiveness
3. Cover-up the restrictions and contort adventure
My aunt offered me first dibs at a dog and house-sitting gig for 3 weeks in October; Hallo-YEAH! October 31st is my second favorite holiday; my first favorite fluctuates but, Halloween is always a solid 2nd. <3
Voodoo Fest has ALWAYS been on my bucket list! Having the privilege of spending every summer and fall break in New Orleans, this vibrant city easily became my heart's home. From Jackson Square (Main Name proof I belong there ;) to The Saints to crawfish boils, that place exemplifies my existence. I don't really know what that means but... it felt right and a little spicy ;)
Why did I waste my time talking to a guy on the phone from Texas while I was in my favorite city in Louisiana? Because I was in a pathetic state where I thought I needed the comradely. It's not that he showered me in compliments or promises of some fruition when I returned, I think it was he was a deep voice on the other line of my phone. Bleak, I know, but we only talked while I was in New Orleans. I've GOT to re-channel my energy. .....This is actually one of the conversations I had with Comet (pictured above). He ghosted me and I'm not even focusing on it on this post? Wow, that's.... progress.
Now back to the 3 week stay in a boot in New Orleans in a transition.
Since I was less than impressed with the Voodoo line-up, I signed up to volunteer so I could gain admittance fo free. The fest was 3 weeks away, so to ensure I soaked up as much of this vibrant city as possible, I met with my bad ass uncle (yes, that is an official name I call him to his face. Any birthday card or Christmas present is addressed to him as so) who gave me the low-down on local music throughout the city.
"Damn girl! You're hoofing it in that thing!"
"I won't let this thing stop me. I'm headed to a Blues Fest right now!"
He chuckled, "I see ya!"
I continued with my swag (bahaha) and as the rip of an electric guitar greeted my ears, I breathed easy. Bypassing the over-priced beer tents (there were at least 7. I approve) I made my way to the stage that had a man with long curly hair adjusting his kapo and microphone. Moving further from the stage currently producing music and locking my eyes on the magician to perform, I was in a trance. Yes, I know I wrote magician and I meant it. He was a blues rockstar that reminded me of "The Publisher" I dated in 2018. Long hair, passionate, and guhhh could he play the guitar (I later learned).
While caught in my trance, I rooted my feet in a spot right behind a walkway so my view would never be fully obstructed. Immediately to my right was a group of Californians that offered their lawn chair before I could make my way to the dry patch of grass below my mismatching shoes.
"Oh no, I'm fine! Thank you so much though," I smiled.
"Are you sure?" said the only guy in the group of four westerners.
"Absolutely, but the thought means a lot!"
It turned out, I had made friends almost instantly. Once the set of my "magician" started, I returned comfortably to my trance swaying and really soaking in the blues. Gosh, why don't I listen to blues more often... or at all? I thought to myself.
As the songs bled into each other, I was taken with the soul on stage and almost didn't hear the man from the group of four beside me insist I sit in his chair while he get in line for more beer. Smiling at the hospitality and actually up for the gesture, I transferred my weight to my hands and then back to my uninjured foot to stand. My first step toward the chair, I almost ate it and plummeted face-first into the lawn of Lafayette Square Park.
The three Cali girls seated in lawn chairs leaned forward in urgency and one even let out a gasp. Catching myself, I laughed, "See? Clumsy. That's how I got this boot in the first place!"
Once seated, we began conversation as the Blues's set played it's final song. You bet your sweet self I hopped to my uneven feet for a standing ovation when they were done. Gah! That was talent.
He seemed really humble when a burly stranger slapped him on the back and said, "great playing man. Haven't heard blues like that since B.B. King."
"I really appreciate that man," the star responded while placing a hand on the stranger's back.
As he continued to walk to the north side of the park, the guy who's chair I was in, returned to our pow-wow spot. As I scrambled to get up, the two girls to my left rose to their feet and offered one of their chairs. In a game of musical chairs where I couldn't lose, I casually and carefully made my way over to one of the vacant seats.
I conversed with them about music and travel (my two favorite things on the planet) and then they invited me to smoke with them. Pulling out a blunt from his breast pocket, he lit it and just like the rap songs, "puff, puff, pass."
My eyes were probably as big as my boot. "Oh... I have a new job I am trying to land and if I get it, I've gotta pass the drug test in like 2 weeks. Thanks though!"
"You sure?" His wife asked in-between inhales.
"Oh yes," I smiled.
I listened to another set before setting off to church in The French Quarter. I absolutely LOVE being able to walk everywhere in a city. This suburan girl never got that. That's probably part of the reason I loved Madrid and Barcelona so much. Okay.... that's only 1 of like 9834 reasons ;)
Wouldn't you know as I made my way further through downtown, I found myself smack in the middle of a 2nd line for a wedding!!!
Anywho.... after shimmying my way out of someone's special day, I made my way to church and continued to make my way around this fabulous city at the same pace I could have under normal conditions.
Let's be honest, I'm anything but normal. This blog of 400 something posts is living proof of that.... Until next post of this NOLA series.... cheers!
From eastern standard to central standard, from a coastal suburb to the capital of the Lonestar state, my dating life affects you.
After each call confessing the toxic nature of the next "catch," you sit disgusted, yet introspective to ensure such powerful reactions are warranted.
Your thoughts were never carried across the phone lines we tightrope daily.
Thoughts like: It's her life. She's grown.
Surely she knows this is-- does she know?
Is her judgement that endangered?
Is her worth extinct?
Does she know she's better than this disgrace of a man?
Her track record pretense.
It breaks me that she casually excuses his manipulative behaviors, again.
No, she's not foolish naive enough to allow the same individual to repetitively... Is she?
Disappointment.
Those that are supposed to offer unconditional concern often shoot betrayal from their fingertips as snares dangle from their earlobes. Such medieval imagery leaves little hope for complete strangers. How could a new face and new name combat such an evil expectation? It only takes one time to touch a hot element before thinking twice, given another chance.
But where does this leave you? Feeling with fear first, and then tiptoeing around life with the leftover emotions? What about feeling sand between your toes, hearing a baby's giggle, or seeing a puppy smile? You have to leave the tiptoeing for ballet and prance into opportunities outside of the studio.
It took me until I crossed Atlantic on Christmas Eve night to unfriend a combination of friends, acquaintances, and scrub-a-dubdubs that deemed less than worthy of my effort. Cleaning house is more than just a literal expression for the spring time. I unfriended 10 people and quite frankly, wish I would have done so sooner. A day will always consist of 24 hours (unless you're changing time zones of course, which in my Euro Trip #2, I did so 4 times). Don't. Waste. A. Minute.
I won't bore you with all ten, but here is one that we were quite friendly and it looked quite promising for us to go out, but then he stood me up. GHOST the night we were supposed to go out in downtown Dallas. It was already going to be an hour drive, but I felt he was worth that.... he obviously did not feel the same.
Although most girls (or guys in this situation) would have removed this person from their phone and their hope chest, I for some reason unbeknownst to me, did not. I must admit, I got a little snappy, but.... one couldn't argue I didn't fight fear to confront the inconsiderate slime.
Since once again I'm on the move, I figured I could share a brief post of encouragement I've found in my travels....
In no relation to Linkin Park, I found this beauty in Manhattan one night in September on the way to dinner.
In a Dallas library, more specifically "the hood" aka Oak Cliff, I found this beautiful dedication. Find beauty everywhere, friends-- especially in singleness.
A map contains infinite road ways to my heart; mine presently has 9 countries and counting.
My road of singleness is a blessing. Being the sole navigator to my next destination is liberating.
- quit my Job in Charleston at the start of 2019
- drop my car filled with all my belongings in Pensacola
- move to Spain in January for a few months and frolicked to other countries on the weekend
- stand in two weddings in Dallas in March and then proceed to a downtown city in the Florida panhandle
- explore the white sandy beaches in Pensacola until summer ended
- September was for shifting from Pensacola to New Orleans to Manhattan to Charleston to San Antonio to Austin
- October was split between Dallas and Charleston
- The holidays seem to be Dallas bound until Christmas itself
I'm kind of a bad ass bitch (no DNA test needed) and a force to be reckoned with because I survived the alleged sex trafficking and terrorism in Europe. I actually enjoy spending time with myself, which is contrary to how I felt before this trip. I learned I don't want to tolerate life, but enjoy it. My initiative on this trip proves that I have the power to change anything that makes me unhappy my life, within reason of course.
I also learned, not in a feminist way, but empowering way that I don't need a man. Like fighting this societal trend of pressuring you to feel like you need someone else to be complete when you're rapidly approaching the age of 30. I didn't let myself down. And honestly, people thought I would be home sick and get sex trafficked or kidnapped or would have you and I had nothing but great stories to come back with and a certain fulfillment that I wasn't even looking for....
Like the dots on a map, the raspberries are just that; sweet upon meeting and tart upon departure.
Raspberry Chocolate Truffle Cake
- 6 large eggs, at room temperature
- 1 pound (455 g) semisweet chocolate (50% to 60% cacao mass), finely chopped
- 1 cup (2 sticks; 226 g) unsalted butter, at room temperature, cut into pieces
Glaze & Decoration:
- 1 cup (240 ml) Dark Ganache Glaze, liquid and ready to pour
- 1 half-pint firm and dry fresh raspberries
- For the Cake: Preheat the oven to 375°F/190°C. Coat the inside of an 8-inch by 2-inch deep (20 cm x 5 cm) heart shaped cake pan with nonstick spray, line bottom with parchment, then spray parchment. (Cut the parchment to fit by tracing the pan).
- Place the whole eggs, in their shells, in a bowl filled with hot tap water for 5 minutes. Warming the eggs ensures maximum volume when they are whipped.
- Place the chocolate and butter in a large heatproof bowl and set over a pot of simmering water or microwave until chocolate is three-quarters of the way melted. Remove from heat source and whisk gently every now and then for a few minutes until chocolate is completely melted and mixture is smooth.
- Meanwhile, crack whole eggs into bowl and beat with mixer on high speed until tripled in volume, pale yellow and thick enough to hold a very soft peak.
- Add about 1/4 of the egg mixture to the cooled chocolate. Gently combine by hand, using a whisk. It’s OK if streaks of egg remain. Add remaining eggs and fold in, first using the whisk, then finishing with a large silicone spatula. The batter will deflate a bit, but try to retain as much volume as possible. The mixture will look like chocolate mousse. Scrape batter into pan and level with a small offset spatula.
- Place the pan in a large roasting pan filled with 1-inch of hot water. Bake for about 12 to 15 minutes. The surface will look dull. If you tilt the pan slightly, the edges will come away from the sides of the pan. Both of those visuals are important and the only way to really tell that it is done. It will still be very soft, like a pudding. Don’t fret. Remove pan from water and cool pan completely on rack. Wrap with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. (Cake may be frozen at this point up to 1 week; defrost in refrigerator overnight before continuing).
- For Unmolding: Unwrap pan, flip it over (the cake will not fall out) and allow hot tap water to run all over the bottom of the pan. The warmth from the water should loosen the cake from the sides and bottom of the pan. Warm an icing spatula under hot water and blot dry. Run the spatula around the sides of the cake. Apply pressure out towards the pan, not in towards the cake, or you might accidentally shave off some of the cake’s side. Flip the cake over and firmly shake and wiggle the pan back and forth; you are trying to get the cake to release its surface tension with the pan. The cake should slip out. If it doesn’t, repeat the warm water and jiggling steps. Gently lift off the pan completely. Peel off the parchment.
- For Glaze & Decoration: Place cake on rack set on a sheet pan. Pour the ganache glaze over the cake and use an offset spatula to gently spread the cover the top of the cake and allow to drip down the sides. Use spatula to help the ganache adhere to the sides as well. Allow the cake to sit for several minutes for the glaze to begin to set.
- Use a strong broad spatula to lift cake and place on serving platter. Cake may be refrigerated at this point up to overnight.
- Right before serving, arrange fresh berries on top of cake as desired. I made a single row around the outer edge, but you might create a different design. Feel free to use the entire half-pint. Cake is ready to serve cold or at room temperature.
Let's Pretend:
I've had as much fun sneaking around in any setting than that dorm with you.
Our first kiss didn't shock me to my core. Electrifying. Grr-grrr-grrrease lightening
Our last kiss was something I thought would happen-- like we would die holding hands like in The Notebook.
The end was only rocking-chair-rocky and that I was fair to you.
I didn't keep your letters; every last one.
I didn't hide the 3 scrapbooks full of memories from myself.
I don't feel a sharp pain deep in my abdomen when I see your name pop-up on my best friend's phone.
I've forgotten: the passion, the tears, the ambition, the phone calls, the encouragement to pursue our dreams, the endless laughter, the insiders, the adventures, the parents (all 3 of them~not including mine), the differences, the concerts, the chocolate, the plans... and how God had a different one in mind.
The "me" we allowed each other to be were beautiful. I don't think I'll ever see that girl again and I can't pretend that's not a loss. A burial of the most powerful force I've encountered yet, and the dirt is still under my painted nails.. Sometimes, I acknowledge that's all I have left.
I heard this song today and couldn't help but interpret it as his final thoughts. Maybe I'm no Selena, but boy did these raw words circle her in red. For awhile now, I've been trying to resist from checking on you. I know you're thriving and, I guess I'll have to leave it at that.
Heat is out in the oven tonight, so no chance at 350.
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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