Remember when I said I dumped the dating site and I still had a few leads I exchanged information with before deleting it? This 24-year-old was the last one left, and funny enough, he looks like this hottie pictured above. Thank you male Vanna. To start this date off, I was HELLA late for a not-so-important-date. Hardly time to say hello, goodbye- I was late, late late! How could I have been so disrespectful? I warned him that I NEVER get my hair did (felt oh-so glamorous) so I was unaware that coloring your natural hair took hours upon hours. Once my mermaid hair was vibrant and flip-worthy, I called him to inquire of his location and profusely apologize. He was surprisingly understanding and sent me a location to meet where we could walk on the beach. I'm not a girly girl that would normally complain "oh my hair!" but... I did JUST get it done. Not only would no one else get to see it in its shiny glory, but it wasn't even worth it! The conversation was prompt, and to the point; boy was on a mission. Yes, he was merely a boy. The way he asked to hold my hand under the full moon crafted an eerie air around us. I began mentally planning my escape route when I felt a sense of desperation in his tone and body language. Since I had no restraint to hold anything back at 9 o'clock with a stranger on a humid, no-breeze night on the beach, I made a comment that he seemed a little "girl deprived." "I am girl deprived," he confessed. "But... you must be boy deprived if you haven't had a boy friend since December." Mr. P Deprived had the audacity to What? Are you kitting me? You are desperate for any cat. I should have called him Mr. Thirsty, but it was beyond that. After this painful and haunting encounter, these were the messages exchanged: (get the popcorn) I obviously had no concern with proofreading that last message since it should have said "them" instead of "him first." As if this date wasn't enough of a joke, his last response is definitely mic-drop worthy: "It takes too much time. Too many girls are on those apps for self esteem boosts from random guys. I refuse to wade through it anymore. 😂" I'm sorry.... but you looking for pussy cats is acceptable? Hands down he was one of those guys that swipes right on EVERYONE to "increase his odds." If this isn't a wake-up call, I don't know what is.Get yourself an ice cream sandwich before your judgment melts like mine obviously did. What a sticky mess!
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Bras strung like Christmas lights beaming proudly weeks into the new year, country twang in the air, and the sound of beer bottles being poured and sloshed became our immediate future.. This was our introductory to the notorious Flora-Bama Bar. The blonde best friend and I were at it again as we explored our new watering hole. It had the atmosphere of a larger "Billy Bob's" with an Alabama attitude. I was designated driver and.... you guessed it, she was designated drunk. After getting her numerous Jack and Cokes, we made our way to the main stage where of course, we stumbled upon an attractive, well-dressed man. Would it really be blog-worthy if there wasn't a story to tell ? A strawberry blonde-haired man made a comment in our direction when someone stumbled by, baptizing the three of us in a sticky red liquid. The conversation ignited and the flirting and competition commenced. It was hard to read which of which one of us he was in to. Not just initially, but the entirety of the night. His parents were close by and the man later identified as his stepfather, made a winced kind of face while scanning my blonde best friend's cleavage and short shorts. Her and I both read the look like chapter 1 of a World Lit. class. The man in pursuit introduced both of us to his parents. He kept making jokes that well, "y'all have already met my parents..." like it was a unit kind of thing. Then, he made a comment that we were both gorgeous and naturally, I deflected it (just the compliment towards me. The blonde bestie is hella gorgeous). He went out of his way to reinforce his compliment. To which I retracted again, because that's just who I am. Not a compliment fisher... I have very little patience for fishing even though I've dated enough fisherman to feed the crowd of 500 where Jesus performed the miracle of 5 leaves and 2 fish. God knows I need a miracle-- but don't we all? He seemed genuine and offered to buy us drinks. When I informed him of my appointed position of responsibility for the night, he respected it, but his smile faded ever so slightly. During one of my blonde best friend's potty breaks, Mr. High Maintenance Insurance (good name right? Just wait for it...) gazed at the stage while a likely intoxicated blonde in a black dress did a seductive dance. Before being escorted off the stage by security, she slipped off her bra and hung it among the other hundreds on one of the ropes overhead. Turning to me, Mr. High Maintenance said, "now THAT girl is high-maintenance." Smiling, since I am textbook, ink-line, and sinker the opposite of that, I nodded. His blue eyes would have made my bra fall off if my best friend wouldn't have returned a moment later. [I will not lose all control when peering into blue eyes. I will not.... oh gosh!! *knees buckle*] As the night progressed with two country-fied girls, a cute 32-year-old, and his parents, the music became more and more appetizing to a dancers heart. As my hips continued to sway, my innate two-stepping skills (that were practically branded in me from my 16 years calling Texas my home) took precedence in the moment. Watching this closely, Mr. High Maintenance Insurance grabbed my hand with a flick as I spun into laughter and eventually his arms. We danced for 3 or 4 songs. And then, like a buttermilk pancake, he flipped me. My face definitely said it all. My mouth agape, I gasped for air. "Oh, was that okay?" He smirked. The blonde best friend joined us on the dance floor as we returned to standing position. He took this opportunity to request both of our phone numbers. As the band continued to play, she revealed to me that his mom ran into her in the bathroom and informed my bestie that she had the best boobs she had ever seen. What? While I was still processing the information, he tugged on her arm lightly and they made their way to the bar. Damn. This all happened so fast, and the guy goes to..... the girl with mom-approved boobs. Oh, and in case you haven't had the privilege of reading up on the blonde bestie, there is a link below. Some of you may even have encountered her, or girls like her. Don't get me wrong-- she is one of a kind, but she requires a lot of attention. A LOT. She admits it. But... definitely is classified by guys and herself as HIGH MAINTENANCE. Yet he told her he was into her, even though he told me that the girl that hopped on the stage and threw her bra up on the rope was high maintenance. Am I missing something? And I know insurance.... I SELL IT FOR A LIVINGI was at a loss for words and the affection or chance with this man, I consulted a couple of my guy friends about the situation and the jury is out: It was a form of manipulation-- insurance if you will in case things with the bestie didn't work. It was explained to me like this: Steph, that's like a guy telling an obvious intellect that "dumb girls are not his type" and then going for an airhead. If the airhead would've have gone for him, he already laid the groundwork for the intellect. Insurable GlazeFor the man full of hot water, he is simply a sugary glaze on a strawberry scone. Mix one part hot water with four parts powdered sugar. It drizzles well on low and high-maintenance scones of all kinds.
CoNsId3rA+i0nIs this word a fisad? Some strange combination of consonants and vowels with numbers randomly thrown in? I've ranted about the horrid things guys have inferred, divulged, or demanded, but seldom have I stopped to celebrate "the wins." *face palm* That's how you know I'm in the sales world. The 5 months I've been in Pensacola have had possibly 5 pleasant, smile-evoking text messages to report... none of which I can relay verbatim, but 5 is....well, something. As the complimentary kind, It's something that makes my nose twitch or smile spread, like peanut butter "from a fresh jar of skippy." Here's one message that was so deep in the tunnel of fame, that it is from a guy I never ended up meeting, back when I lived in Charleston. Needless to say, it's beyond "hall" of fame. I have looked at this message many times and was unsure of how to respond. I'm actually not certain I ever did. "I love your energy and your desire to travel. I think ultimately I will let you down. I want to slow down and stay in Charleston for a bit, give myself a shot for some normalcy. This is way over the top considering we are just a tinder match. Idk, feels good to say it. Even if you are a stranger. :)" Impossible to compose in 60 characters, remember that your words matter; choose wisely.I tend to shy away from writing about the good ones because I fear there will be less of use. I fear that they will dissipate faster than they beamed through the any of dating. This one is certainly worth a pink sprinkled post. No, he's not gay. ... But I did find out, the buy guy that I went out with in Minneapolis has a boyfriend. Lolly freaking da. Good for him. Let me find a container for my joy and support. LOL not bitter at all Anyway, the guy worse a lovely post is one that stood out for the longest time from the app. We became friends on the Snapchat and bantered and goofed off semi-regularly. I was able to 100% be myself, 16 chins, no makeup, and a sarcastic smug attitude. He never pushed the point of dating, so neither did I. I distance myself at one point when he made a crude comment drunk, because he no longer stood apart from the rest. I'm not one of those bitter, common, annoying girls that proclaims every guy is the same... However there are plenty of people with questionable intentions and I saw a chance to jump ship. I guess, for an instant, I saw the light. All of the lightsWell, everyone deserves a little forgiveness and everyone at one time or another, enjoys a little bit of attention. I mean how else would you explain Britney Spears in 2007? Or how else would you explain Miley Cyrus swinging naked from a wrecking ball or twerking with Robin Thicke? This boy kept popping up in my snap and we casually continue to talk. I said casually, I mean as frequent as finding someone whose favorite Sour Patch Kid is the yellow one... But, we maintained the conversation enough to craft plans for Saturday night. There was only one problem, we lived in two different states. He in Alabama, me and Florida...... psh, like that's not a perk! After a casual stroll through Buckie's, I arrived at his humble abode. Let date Mobile commence.
We started at a delightful fusion with Mexican food and sushi. It was no decision of which side of the fence to jump. If my catfish quesadilla didn't make my experience, our happy, hipster waitor did; he was hilarious and made great recommendations. Mr. Pink Sprinkles was flirty and light with conversation and his tour of the city. The food already surpassed Pensacola and.... it didn't hurt that it reminded me of New Orleans. My heart is in Nola. After gaining a new perspective on bama and a nice tipsy, we made our way into an uber back into his house. We kissed and conversed into the night until I faded into sleep in the guest room. He joined, which I found a little annoyong because the bed seemed tiny enough and my body aspires to be a furnace. None the less...
Ouch. The last one I didn't see coming. That sequence of words are as desirable as "Oops. I forgot...." while you're half coherent on a cold operating table. I didn't let on to the man that gifted me with a lovely evening in Mobile that his appearance shadowed the only many Ive Since my life has not been flavorful enough, and I struck out with so many military guys in a row, 7 or so, as if I were counting... I plunged into a more devious dating pool. In the 370+ blog posts of Dates and Cakes history, I've certainly met my fair share of physically-driven men that, to put it bluntly, only care about one thing. My intelligence of course LOL ...not likely. So, I decided to change my mind-frame for a little and entertained the world of shallow pursuit. I was exhausted from hoping a guy would live up to his intentions, and was ready for something a little more black and white. You are who you say you are. You're just in it for sex? Awesome. At least it's in the open. Please don't make me a part of any more games;
Which may be worse.... because we know all too well I typically don't give out my heart- that's child's play. I downloaded a sugar daddy app. GASP! I've read other blogs and heard tales of girls that match with older men just wanting a companion. Someone to take to dinner, someone to talk to. I could talk to a wall. Actually I may or may not have had a pretty in-depth conversation about the Russian War with a wall once. Any who... I uploaded a few pictures and words about myself, like any other dating app and watched the colorful requests file in. I knew it wasn't for me like escargot, but you have to just try it once, right? It was time to embark on this different app, since none of my prior guy interactions have really gone off without a "hinge." The very first guy I began conversing with was older, experienced in years, divorced with a couple of kids, and of course (when trying to entice a girl like me) a world traveler. He was a blue-eyed middle-aged gentleman I'll refer to as Mr. Submarine. No. He was not into The Beatles.The very first guy actually older than he posted, but wasn't in the slightest bit creepy. He was genuinely impressed of the depth of our conversation. We dined at a prestigious place on the water, on the edge of downtown called Atlas. A title most suiting for a traveler such as myself. My palate for whiskey seemed to impress him as the conversation carried over quiet roar of the slinging of bottles and clattering of plates. It was if it were any ole date; we laughed, we flirted, and we drank. He had gauged a level of trust in our meeting in he revealed his true intentions..... can you guess by his name? Mr. Sub He was seeking a loyal sub, to enlighten their world. I kindly declined and tried with all my might to play it off, when internally I was sweating, struggling, and stressing beyond that of a student prepping for the lsats. I survived the remaining minutes of the date, hugged him goodbye, and retreated to the side of my blonde best friend. Nothing like Elle Woods, but like any true friend, found humor in my flavor of the week. How my Catholic-school-reared rear thought I could possibly dabble in this world is Greek to me! The dessert most suiting for my only sugar daddy date is: ypovrichio or “submarine sweets.”Ipovrichio – Submarine
Vanilla flavor: 480gr granulated sugar 250gr water 1Tbsp corn syrup 1Tbsp lemon juice vanilla flavoring Combine the sugar, syrup, and water in a medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon until the sugar dissolves, and cover the pan for 5 minutes to allow the sugar to wash down the sides. Uncover the pan, add lemon juice and vanilla to taste, and clip a candy thermometer to the inside of the pan (being certain that the tip of the thermometer doesn’t touch the bottom of the pan ); cook the mixture to 115 C degrees. Total cooking time for the batch falls between 20 and 25 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and pour the contents into a heat proof bowl. Let fondant cool down at room temperature to 40C. Then place the fondant mixture in a bowl and work with a wooden spatula until it becomes opaque, or place the fondant mixture in your mixer bowl and, with the hook attachment, let it mix until opaque. You can store it in a glass or plastic storage container at room temperature for six to eight months. Serve a teaspoonful of ''submarine'' in a glass full of ice cold water. http://cookmegreek.blogspot.com/2013/06/fondant-la-grec-delicious-sugar.html?m=1 I thought I was being open-minded, but I was really being stupid. Purposely going for guys painfully out of my type did nothing but reinforce my type. Intellectuals are a must! I don't care if they have adventurous hobbies or tales of being deployed all over the green and blue globe. Attraction is a necessity I've been ignoring in the guys I've entertained dating. I don't mean entertained on day dreams while shooting whiskey at the bar, I mean guys I've actually poured effort into getting to know. I kept trying to push personality and be open-minded. It was if I was exploring creativity in seeking love in a town that feels rotten to me. But, then it hit me; I didn't know what I wanted. I was just picking up pebbles along the way to passing time. One pebble on a disk golf course, one at church, one at the cinema, one over cheese fries, and one in a pedicab. At the end of the day they all ended things with me. It left me dissatisfied either way. So I finally checked out of the app; like that book which under your bed, it was long overdue. Although I hope not to look back for at least a couple months or so, I still I had a few leads that exchange information with before deleting it.
This round of online dating is brought to you by this shirt found in my laundry from a mystery owner.Between my single best friend and I, we can't for the life of us figure out who it could belong to.
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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