Season: Winter 2022 Location: Denton, TX How I broke my own rules, thus breaking my own heart: 11. Who I became while fighting with him is someone I didn't recognize. "New 'tude, who dis?" I started raising my voice, became prideful, and was much sassier than all my teenage years combined. 12. My other rule was allowing a guy to yell at one of my friends.... even he yelled at her first. Ummm... that rule seems a little.... guh, maybe my lack of rules broke my own heart 13. Second guessing my phrasing is a reflection of him... I'm driven almost 110% by emotions so I don't second guess many of my words, they encompass me almost instantly and dive from my little lips. Proof God has a sense of humor by giving such a chatty Kathy tiny lips. But, during "the end" he continually used my words against me swearing my phrase was x verbatim. First I fought back and then I apologized for making him feel that way, coming off that way, or racking my brain how I could have said something I had little recollection or intention of. 14. Repetitive guilt plauged me in our last phone conversation. Guilt for my actions, inaction, feeling I had to remedy and take accountability for errrything. Yet he only took accountability for raising his voice at my bestie and for "being playful" with the naked comment.
Proof I didn't guard my heart even when the music was undeniable; you can't mistake Nickelback. Lol. I rooted for his basketball team Friday while at my favorite live music bar in Charleston. Sure, he's haunted my dreams and no other guy is even remotely appealing right now So with the Nickelback playing, I reached back out and swallowed my pride (I'm sure he was wondering if I did). He made me feel like he was doing ME a favor to listen to my apology in person. His hesitancy was 5 claws to the leg from a black cat you were just paying genuine attention and affection to. What the... French toast?! So again, I'm going to take myself out and I guess get back the respect for myself I lost. And get a vlog readyy. Lights... Maybe because I lost my center for a bit. Haha understatement of the year. Yes, I'm aware it's still the first month of 2022. I did things so out of character for me (constant texting like a 13-year-old with a pink Nokia and staying home from the club) and I need to get back to building itineraries instead of fantasizing roots. I'm no tree, I don't do that. I need to learn when to leaf well enough alone.... we know hpw datesandcakes loves a challenge.
0 Comments
Dating has seemed to lose its luster so in the inbetweens, I find reading is actually something productive that provides a sense of accomplishment instead of chipping away at the self-worth I've worked tirelessly to build over the last 11 months. The wild thing about the books I stumble upon are that they provide deep insight to relevant things in a young, single, hustling female. My latest page turner, "We Are All the Same In the Dark," took place in Texas, which his a first... so the first quote is pertaining to that, but the others are quite profound in sound.... Texas is a beautiful poison you drink from your mother's breast; the older you get and the farther you run, the more it pounds in your blood."
Strangers are powerful. They can mark you in twenty seconds. They can rob you at gunpoint so you never feel safe again. They can mention you're pretty at a party when no one else ever has, and then you don't kill yourself that day or maybe any other day. It's like a diamond tossed out a car window you were lucky enough to catch. I always found it interesting that children are taught to avoid strangers, yet everyone is a stranger at one point or another. That begs the question, how do you meet new people or familiarize someone if their existence in relation to you is well, strange? I've had strangers enlighten and empower me and friends of years betray me (one or two of them in the worst of ways). Maybe this is why Dates and Cakes has come to be and never seems to be depleted of stories: the amusement with those unfamiliar. The luster of the "new car smell" only lasts through so many hailstorms, trips to and from the beach, hauls of baseball equipment, drunk friends, and moving boxes. Then, the smell is gone and the nose is distracted by freshly baked bread, strongly brewed coffee, or popping popcorn. Life is never yours. You are just renting it out while the landlord in the sky ups the price until you can't pay anymore. But what are you going to do? Like Charles Manson said, we're all living with the death penalty." Alas, another Carpe Diem quote. LOVE. Yes, Dates and Cakes is still baking. I GUESS Dates and Cakes is still dating but with much less interest and effort put forth. This dessert, if I had to parallel one, would be Banana Crumb Cake. Sure, circumstances can be crumby, but we need to seek what is appeeling and create our own sweetness. Crumb Topping:
For the Banana Cake:
For the Glaze:
For the Banana Cake:
For the Glaze:
Smiles at a jogger's pace
Attachment, there's no place. Curiosity always curved Sympathy seekers curbed. Lingering until latched, Genuine intention stashed. Liberally lining their pockets, Energy greater than sockets. Unplug upon satisfaction. Ignore embittered reaction. Sultry scan for a souvenir, Hardly the parasite pioneer. Dates and Cakes here addressing the fact that my posts have been sparse but not necessarily apologizing because, well, I've been distance dating. I've newly defined this word as:Distance Dating (v): The act of not actively dating but lapping up the attention from any potential suitor within reason. In order to engage in this act, you must meet the person organically or digitally without the use of a matchmaker ie: married friend set up, dating site, classifies ad, ect. Also, the person must not be convenient in literal distance from your residence, engages in drastically different extra curriculars, or is how do you say... "out of your lane" in terms of "leagues: There are several dating attempts that have yet to make the blog due to:
But what we do know.... is I definitely have not met my future ex-boyfriend. So many opportunities for bad, unsuccessful, unsatisfactory dates.... so, buckle up. Today's post though is for the connection casualties that caused damage. Unfortunately, since this happens to be my type, this new Carly Pearce song is dedicated to.... well at LEAST 5 guys that come to mind. I didn't love any of them, but a girl can dream... and my dreaming is astronomical. Hell-- I just got back yesterday from a solo trip to Cabo! AND I'm already kicking around plans for the next adventure. I like to think I'm getting better at this temporary thing. Sure, we live in a throw-away society but, never in my wildest dreams could I have placed myself in the same room as disposable. Middle school and college should have prepared me for that with some of the friendships that came to pass and quite frankly broke my heart. Alas, I continued to throw parts of my heart into things and encounters probably in 2018. 2017 was my first year dating around EVER. Single, cute, no kids, no divorce, and a listener? The possibilities were endless. The chase was riveting and my attention span matched the longevity of each encounter. It wasn't until I got tired of sharing my story (which had been spark-noted with a dose of mysterious) and wanted to be my quirky, loud self with one of the guys I was dating that I started to lean toward boy friend boulevard. Is it wrong to want to wear mismatching pj's, get hangry when dinner is delayed more than an hour, and belt classic rock on the radio when going on dates? Sigh. THAT'S what earned me some heart wear and tear. Sure, I've "learned" but damn, this "lesson" is a rocky road with no turn-around's. I'd like to say the forgetting is easier, because the goodbye certainly is. I'd like to say "next time is gonna-- I'm not gonna..." So, I'll continue to whip up datesandcakes vlogs and blogs and jump on planes (or out of them #adrenalinejunkie) and stay sweet. The hardest part is not SCREAMING that they are all the same.... because well, prove me wrong ;) Dedicated to: [you know who you are][Verse 1]
I am my mother's daughter I watched her with my father I saw it all, the good and bad Should've known better than that You found me at the right time I loved you from that first night Bet everything on what we had Should've known better than that [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known bеtter Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you'rе gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that [Verse 2] You sold me on a fantasy Damn it, it all felt real to me Thought you were the man in the photograph Should've known better than that Oh, I should've known better than that 2 [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that [Instrumental Break] [Bridge] Still some nights, I'm crying on the floor But I'm not sleeping in the bed you made, no more [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.In no way am I saying these guys are not "doing the damn thing" we call life and looking good doing it. What I'm saying is, I look at each one of these guys as what they could be to me and what we could be together. Selfish, right? Instead of basing it off their arrangement of words, gestures, and follow-through (or absence of follow through). I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far. Probably 96% of what is manifesting between this guy and I, (whether it's been 2 weeks or 3 days) is sheer fantasy. This is not to be confused with the perfume, Fantasy by Brittney Spears, who is free now. YOU GO GIRL; 2007 is finally over for you! I make assumptions and expectations with absolutely no scientific evidence. Ones like:
I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;)) You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately.... It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong!
I'm so consumed with the beauty of what it would mean to be a beautiful structure that people from every land marvels at, that I ignore the lack of building materials, motivation, or color to make such a relationship happen. I lose sense of reality for a little bit and act like Dorothy or Alice, allowing only my imagination and shiny things to guide me. There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better. Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator! So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:
A new emotion surfaced. Just then, on page 314, this character playing the part of a romantic, but is really deep down a conman, said those three words that I'll never forget were said to me. When they didn't seem to savor their first slice.I thought some of these connection casualties would have left me empty, like a "shell" of a person.... Turns out, they were just shell-fish and now are new additions to "crusty" remains of relationships that could have been. You know what the ball of painful puns means.... |
Culture is another delectable part of visiting an unfamiliar city. One of my favorite places is Toledo, Spain. It was inhabited by the Romans and then taken over by Iberians and then captured by The Spanish. You can see all the different influences across the city and heavily in the architecture. Toledo, Spain is actually where the phrase "holy Toledo" came from because it's considered one of the holiest cities in Europe. It symbolizes Roman Catholicism, Muslim, and Judaism. |
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
I'm going to continue to write and travel but fork dating for the rest of 2020~
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
Archives
April 2022
March 2022
February 2022
January 2022
April 2021
March 2021
February 2021
January 2021
December 2020
November 2020
October 2020
August 2020
July 2020
June 2020
May 2020
April 2020
March 2020
February 2020
January 2020
December 2019
November 2019
October 2019
September 2019
August 2019
July 2019
June 2019
May 2019
April 2019
March 2019
February 2019
January 2019
December 2018
November 2018
October 2018
September 2018
August 2018
July 2018
June 2018
May 2018
April 2018
March 2018
February 2018
January 2018
December 2017
November 2017
Categories
All
2020
2 Centuries
Alluring
Anxiety
Artful
Baking
Baking Video
Bar Tales
Best Friends
Bittersweet
Boredom
Boy Bye
Brave
Breakup
Broken Hearted
Celebrations
Cheater
Chocolate
Convenience
Creative Writing
Date By Numbers
Dates
Dates And Cakes
Dating
Deep Thoughts
Depression
Dick Pic
Dirty John
Double Infinity
Dumped
Empowering Growth
Encouragement
Endings
Exploration Of Self
Fear And Insecurities
Fling
Flirt
Friend Zone
Ghosting
Giving Love A Chance
Goodbye
Grief
Gypsy
He Just Wanted The Cookie
Hilarious
Holidays
Honesty
Hope
Hopeless Romantic
How To
Humor
Hurt
I'm Sorry
Independent
Infidelity
Is Chivalry Dead?
Judgmental
Just A Fling
Kissing
Learning
Life Lessons
Lo
Loss Of A Loved One
Lyrics
Moving On
Music
My Love Life Is A Joke
Mysterious
National Poetry Month
Netflix
New Orleans
Nice Guys Finish Last
No Good
Not A Fairy Tale
Numb
Online Dating
Online Dating Blog
Pandemic
Past
Perfecting The Player
Perspective
Physical
Poetry
Power Of Confidence
Relationships
Relationships And Love
Self Respect
Self-Respect
Sequel
Serial Dater
Series
Sex And Relationships
Shallow
Temporary
Texting
Text Messages
Time
Touch
Travel
True Story
Unique
Used
Very Bad Dates
Vlog
Why I'm Single
Words