I used to think being called cute is an insult. It's a "safe" compliment. It is also a common compliment for puppies and babies. BUT, it's preferred to sexy. I've only come to this conclusion THIS last week of April. I'm surprised my eyes haven't rolled into the back of my head. We'll start with the guy I was going out with when Mr. Blues Clues from last post texted me about "adding to the party" completely oblivious to the fact that I was not playing pool in a t-length dress 42 minutes from my house for "fun." This guy we will call Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment. This guy was more attractive in person than pictures and certainly carried himself as such. His eyes scanned my thin, pencil shaped dress several times before the words "wow, you look great" fell out his mouth. The typical banter commenced as I sipped on his southern accent that didn't match his face and a chocolate rum drink shaken, not stirred. He bought the bartenders a round and referenced his friends that kept illuminating his phone. "Everyone is trying to hang when I'm in town" he explained. "God, you're so hot," he muttered as I rolled my eyes. Speaking of rolls, cue waitress stage left with our sushi rolls. He picked at his plain California rolls, eating only 4 pieces by the time I had consumed my complex order that claimed to be spicy, yet to no avail. "Let's go play poooool." He pleaded with emphasis on the double o's almost like a Brit. "In this dress?" "Yeah, why not?" Another eye roll and I was on my way to his souped up black Jeep in which he opened my door for me. *Tallied 1 for the visitor team* But then, removed the tally with his music selection. It was a playlist of rap "munchies" as I heard my younger sister refer to them once. Kodac Black and other young voices I'd never heard of. I had no concern he would keep driving and take me somewhere dangerous, never to return even though now I was miles from my car in a city 48 minutes from my house. I guess this comes with dating for 6 years. WOW that long. Jeez. He leaned in once he parked and I was curious how this one would feel. There's something about a first kiss that is thrilling. So many questions to be answered. Will it be sweet? Will it be slow and intentional or sloppy and hurried? What about the size of his lips-- mine are small so I need ones a bit more robust. Will he use too much tongue? Will he use it or park it in my mouth like it's a garage? As the thoughts flooded, so did the memory that we had kissed before. Rewind 2 nights. His messages were persistent. We had conversed on snapchat from a mutual swipe on FB Dating (the most effortless dating app to initiate when plastered) but it never formulated into meeting. He claimed that he usually "drops" people that don't make time to meet up but there was "something different about you and I don't know why." Color me NOT flattered. That's more of a line than the yellow ones on 35E. I don't know if it was the peanut butter whiskey I was sipping or the loneliness that kept calling but I gave him my address and my bed time so he knew he had approximately 90 minutes to converse with me and then skedaddle. .....guess his country accent was rubbing off on me. It was much more pronounced in person and I loved the contrast. He dressed preppy and clean cut but had a country twang and a smirk that made one part of your brain wonder... Banter was instant and after a few hugs, he lifted me and leaned in. I held my breath and wasn't disappointed. His lips were much bigger than mine (kinda pouty) and admittedly softer than mine. I shewed him out of my house before it got too steamy and he hounded me about "a real date" until I said yes the following Thursday. BACK TO CURRENT DAY: The kiss came with his right hand on my left hip. I leaned in and enjoyed the big lips that made mine feel almost held, embraced. We stayed there for just a moment and then my hand fell into his fairly small but significantly darker hand and we made our way to the busy brick bar. The energy poured onto the street as we walked the stairs inside. I saw a sea of green across the open floor plan of the bar with Stars fans energized with the second period in full swing projected on the front wall of the bar. My date led me to the bar ordering himself a jack and coke while I took a chance with a strawberry daiquiri. I figured I should stay with rum and I was still kinda hungry from the sushi so I figured the drink could meet me halfway. We made our way to the pool table where he broke the balls? I am very unfamiliar with pool terminology here.... I'm much better with swimming pools. lol I have lessons I'm giving today, actually. Pool beans. When I leaned to aim the cue ball toward one of the solids, I felt his eyes. I looked back and a lustful look was plastered on his face. I was actually surprised it was not complete with drool, that's how deep this look was. "Can I help you?" I blurted, popping my hip out and greeting it with my fist, creating a triangle with my arm. Stirring, he shrugged. "You could." Agitated, I pushed the issue. "What? You don't want me to be attracted to you?" Taking a step back I replied, "yeah but there's more than just looks..." "You're so hot," he said, stepping toward me. I retreated to the other side of the pool table and took my shot and missed miserably... I guess like him. I sipped the worst daiquiri I've ever had, even pre-21 years and used that as my break from the tension he was single-handedly created. Begging the bartender to make ANYTHING else, I apologized and slipped him a couple dollars cash. I returned to my lustful date with Jameson Orange with a splash of soda. I played off his blunt stares and played the game.... and pool too. We played one more game and then agreed to go back to other section of bars where my car was awaiting me respectfully, not lustfully. I could hear the guy on Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment's phone say, "yeah it's me and you know." My date replied, "oh your girl?" "Not really," the guy on the phone responded. Oooo I could not wait to get out of here. "Okay, we're headed there." He closed out his tab and then grabbed my hand and led me to the door. I mentioned work tomorrow and my long drive and he tried to coax me to stay. Once he closed my car door and he secured himself in his, is when he said it. "You know, I usually don't talk to girls that don't sleep with me on the first date." I looked at him like he just blew out my birthday candles and sneezed on the cake. "Then I'll happily get out when we get to my car." "No, but don't you think that means something that I'm still here with you?" For some reason, he took my dumbfounded face as permission to proceed. "I mean I have so much fun with you but sex is important eventually." "This is our first date and I'm just not that kinda girl," I barked. "I'm just saying you should take that as a compliment. Girls approach me all the time and I am staying with you even though you don't want to do that." And as if this statement wasn't repulsive enough, he continued with "there's just something about you." Upon getting to my car, a panic attack commenced.I would like to say that this next part is shameful and I should either omit it or have reconsidered sharing this entire story but it wouldn't be datesandcakes if I didn't tell the whole story no matter how it makes me look. Here comes the unbelievable response to the whole situation..... dun. dun. DUNNN. He refused to leave me with the panic attack happening. "What can I do? I don't want you to drive like this." I tried to explain that my attacks have no triggers and no estimated duration. He asked if I wanted him to sit with me and said he didn't care his friend was waiting so I nodded. He sat in the passenger's side of my best friend's ride.... oh wait, that's a song. He sat on my passenger's side and I KISSED HIM. WHAT THE GREAT SCOTT, MARTY IS GOING ON? The heaviness and struggle with my breathing continued so I took breaks and then told him I just needed to get home. The panic rode home with me and sat on my chest for hours before I could fall asleep. I wanted to end this post with hot independent girl energy saying, This is the only "Sale" I'm on:But... I waited a few attempts until agreeing on a second date (third meeting) with Mr. You-Should-Take-This-As-A-Compliment. Stay tuned for part 2 and the recipe.
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"God doesn't bless where you don't belong"I'm a SUCKER for the story. Another guy I met in real life.
Flirty banter, per usual. But looking back on the convo, it was really little effort on his part...He used one of MY messages as a segway to set-up a date. Hmm... Humorous part is I was leaving a date when he inquired if I was still out. I informed him of my double the next day and asked, "who said I wanted you to crash my party?" He assured me it would be adding to the party. "Shhhyeah, but it is crashing the party if it's a date. For all you know, it could have been." #guilty He used THAT as his opportunity to ask me out!!! "Maybe Friday evening we can't do that?" I had to ask for clarity and he indeed asked me out. Sure, I'm not an innocent party here but then again, I was honest... he just didn't believe me. *shrugs* He picked a place for us to meet. Didn't even offer to pick me up. CLUES? So how does a lady respond to that? Well she get's her best friend to drop her off and she pregames, of course! 3 shots of vodka in on an empty stomach and I strut up the alley. Bowling alley that is. He said I looked beautiful and put our name on the bowling list. We made our way to the bar for MORE drinks. It was 8pm because he had just gotten off work so I know he didn't have time to eat. After our second drink at the bar I asked, "are you hungry?" "I could eat." "Well I'm gonna have to eat soon with drinking. I had a couple shots before I got here," I confessed. He laughed. "Cause I took so long? Yeah, we can eat after this." If this "clue" wasn't enough, he didn't wait for a romantic moment or comment, he just leaned over and kissed me. Drunk me kissed him back and lingered. *facepalm* After sweeping the lane and striking my 6'2 date out.... errrr sparing some time to show him how to bowl. I asked where we were getting nourishment and if he could give me a ride home. He said he didn't mind the place we picked was 3 minutes in the opposing direction of my house and then we got a booth. More kissing commenced and he revealed his 10 year relationship that ended 3 years ago. Things still seemed to be moving along. Hand holding, he didn't get my door, but I was still into it. Also, I was still inebriated. 8 shots of vodka, whiskey, and vodka redbull will do that to ya ;) Outside my house was where my puzzler got sore. He..... hope there's not sensitive ears here. He bent me over his car and pressed against me like a thumb to a stamp on the corner of an envelope. One large hand tugged at my hair while the other lightly gripped my neck. His tongue found my neck and just when my breathing quickened he backed up. Gasping for air I turned my whole head, staring at him blankly. "I have to work tomorrow at 6am." "Wow, you're a tease." He smirked before I could say, "wow, that's what this feels like." I scoffed and turned toward the gate outside my house. I muttered a wish of safe travels and luck for his shift tomorrow and I punched my number into the gate while he backed up. I don't even think he checked to see I made it into the house before peeling onto the road. Texted me two hours later "I'm home" when he only lives 40ish minutes away. From there, the conversation was about the business he had ahead and friend he was picking up from the airport. I can't be jealous if it was a girl but that was when our convo ended. ^^Even his mailbox has a red flag! I guess all do but... I liked him :(( I asked God if this boy was just going to hurt me, to remove him from my life."And he did." Not gonna correct the grammar or point out that a text message takes all of 58 seconds; I'm just going to take Blue's clues and God's answer to my prayer. 2 cups blanched almond flour
1 cup creamy almond butter ½ cup maple syrup 1 tsp. vanilla extract ½ tsp. cinnamon freeze-dried blueberries sprinkles
https://www.nickelodeonparents.com/these-blues-clues-you-cookies-are-all-bark-no-bake/ Season: Winter 2022 Location: Arlington, TX Mr. Trucking to Bucking was quick-witted and flirty and direct. All qualities that peaked my interest but inevitably lead to his downfall. Our first date, after weeks of phone calls and humorous story ping-ponging, took place in his town a couple minutes from his favorite watering hole. Okay, I drink like a fish so not a problem yet.... his approach to the whole date is probably what hammered the nail for him. "We're gonna have a good time obviously so you can spend the night and if you'd prefer, you can sleep on the couch." Unsure if I should react to him offering to put me on his couch IF I preferred or to him thinking that on the first date I was going to spend the night. Mama didn't raise no: fool, pansy, introvert, or lightweight. I popped back like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. Not to mention I was slightly frustrated in his assumption that I couldn't hold my liquor. I don't put myself in the situation where I lose ability in my cognitive functions, ESPECIALLY when:
His response was a car alarm at the flea market. "GOD. I was even hesitant if I should say that. No, I don't think you're kinda girl. Damn, so dramatic." I said something to the effect of standing up for myself.... chivalry... blah blah... feminism.... blah blah there's girls everywhere that spread like frosting but it ain't me. I have a feeling that's what he heard. I'm not sure if he couldn't find a replacement date in time or really liked the challenge to see if I could still be lulled to his original plan, but we still had the date. I'm sure you've got your gavel ready to judge lil ole datesandcakes over here but.... well, you would be right. Nothing really came of the date. SURE, I enjoyed the Korean BBQ, sake bombs, bar banter, and he even gave me a Harry Potter magazine he picked up in a truck stop off Highway 66 but.... guess he didn't find it magical because I declined his offer 3x for more shots. I had four and kept my ground. Then, ironically, didn't keep my eyes on the ground because I fell in a hole. LITERALLY. With my left sprained ankle. Dropped me off at my car with a hug and crickets. Oh gosh not real ones. That's a literal nightmare of mine. He messaged me two days later asking if my ankle was alright and I said no and then never heard from him again. Been reel. Better drop a new line. Would love to call this dump truck cookies but we didn't get to the stage where dumping could even happen. |
_ | Mister Nice Guy with a knack for spilling tea, Shy sapphire eyes with complexity Pierced from the past and imprinted with studs Dazzling with wit, not accrediting above Declares himself timid and toxic Intimate, but his heart, he locks it. Infidelity observer and others' habits Aspires for more than fucking like rabbits Intricate path wired a short fuse Between racing and friends: rather not choose Unique sense of style, options "shoed" Possibility potential not yet pursued Curious of his next cup to spill Content or another shallow thrill? Anticipating boiling tap water He'd be different if he caught her |
Dates and Cakes here addressing the fact that my posts have been sparse but not necessarily apologizing because, well, I've been distance dating. I've newly defined this word as:
Distance Dating (v): The act of not actively dating but lapping up the attention from any potential suitor within reason. In order to engage in this act, you must meet the person organically or digitally without the use of a matchmaker ie: married friend set up, dating site, classifies ad, ect. Also, the person must not be convenient in literal distance from your residence, engages in drastically different extra curriculars, or is how do you say... "out of your lane" in terms of "leagues:
- It physically makes me ill to rehash the details of him? hims? them?
- I've been trying to job hunt, soul search, and take up reading
- I've been recording many of them for the vlog (subscribe on youtube: datesandcakes)
But what we do know.... is I definitely have not met my future ex-boyfriend.
Today's post though is for the connection casualties that caused damage. Unfortunately, since this happens to be my type, this new Carly Pearce song is dedicated to.... well at LEAST 5 guys that come to mind. I didn't love any of them, but a girl can dream... and my dreaming is astronomical. Hell-- I just got back yesterday from a solo trip to Cabo! AND I'm already kicking around plans for the next adventure.
I like to think I'm getting better at this temporary thing. Sure, we live in a throw-away society but, never in my wildest dreams could I have placed myself in the same room as disposable. Middle school and college should have prepared me for that with some of the friendships that came to pass and quite frankly broke my heart. Alas, I continued to throw parts of my heart into things and encounters probably in 2018.
2017 was my first year dating around EVER. Single, cute, no kids, no divorce, and a listener? The possibilities were endless. The chase was riveting and my attention span matched the longevity of each encounter. It wasn't until I got tired of sharing my story (which had been spark-noted with a dose of mysterious) and wanted to be my quirky, loud self with one of the guys I was dating that I started to lean toward boy friend boulevard.
I'd like to say the forgetting is easier, because the goodbye certainly is. I'd like to say "next time is gonna-- I'm not gonna..."
Dedicated to: [you know who you are]
I am my mother's daughter
I watched her with my father
I saw it all, the good and bad
Should've known better than that
You found me at the right time
I loved you from that first night
Bet everything on what we had
Should've known better than that
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known bеtter
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you'rе gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
[Verse 2]
You sold me on a fantasy
Damn it, it all felt real to me
Thought you were the man in the photograph
Should've known better than that
Oh, I should've known better than that
2
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
[Instrumental Break]
[Bridge]
Still some nights, I'm crying on the floor
But I'm not sleeping in the bed you made, no more
[Chorus]
I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste
You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame
Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better
Than to break what you couldn't fix
Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss
Why'd you go and do what you can't take back?
Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.
I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far.
- He's only talking to me
- He genuinely wants to get to know me
- He sees potential in me and maybe even excited about it
- He wants to get to know me on the inside and not just get there
- He couldn't possibly just be killing time
- He would pursue long-distance if he found someone worth it
- He is bound to belt the Hootie and the Blowfish song "I Only Wanna Be With You," even if it's just to himself about... well, your's truly
- He will not make me settle down
- His more reserved side will even us out as a couple
- He'll want to tell his friends about me
- He won't leave me on read intentionally
- He'll respect me
- He'll be as thoughtful as I am (to my inner circle -xoxo)
I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;))
You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately....
It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong!
|
There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better.
Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator!
So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.
You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)
Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:
- Cake:
- 1/2 cup salted butter, softened
- 1/2 cup peanut butter
- 1 cup light brown sugar
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 3 eggs
- 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
- 2 cups all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1 cup whole milk
- Frosting:
- 2 sticks salted butter, slightly softened
- 1/2 teaspoon unsweetened grape Kool-Aid mix
- 3 Tablespoons grape jelly
- 3 1/3 cups powdered sugar
- 3 teaspoons warm water
- Additional peanut butter and jelly for garnish, if desired
- Purple food coloring
- Preheat oven to 350. Butter and flour 3 (8 inch) round cake pans and set aside. Alternately, you can make 2 thicker cakes.
- In a medium bowl, combine the flour and baking powder. Set aside.
- In the bowl of your mixer, beat butter, peanut butter and both sugars on medium speed for 2 minutes, until light and fluffy. Scrape down the sides of the bowl, then add eggs, one at a time, mixing well after each. Beat in vanilla extract.
- With the mixer on medium low, beat in flour and milk alternately, starting and ending with the flour mixture. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and give the batter a good stir from the bottom with a rubber spatula.
- Spread batter evenly in prepared pans and bake for about 25-30 minutes or until top springs back when lightly touched in the center. Remove from oven and let cool in the pans for 5 minutes before removing to wire rack to cool completely.
- Prepare frosting:
- In the bowl you your mixer, beat butter, Kool-Aid mix, and grape jelly until smooth. With the mixer on low, slowly add powdered sugar, a little bit at a time, until just mixed in. Add warm water food coloring and slowly increase mixer speed to high. Beat for one minute, until smooth and fluffy.
- Stack and frost cake. If desired, chill after frosting, until firm, then top with peanut butter and jelly for garnish.
A new emotion surfaced. Just then, on page 314, this character playing the part of a romantic, but is really deep down a conman, said those three words that I'll never forget were said to me.
Combination of words: one part cliche and one part desired for reasons unbeknownst to me. Words that has he sent them through my ear piece, affirmation rushed over me like the light breeze accompanying a big wave, just as it crashes on your anchored feet in Sullivan's Island sand.
"I see you."
Rage becomes me as a girl becomes a woman in a sea of confusion and cramps and blood. My memory fumes of the boy that strategically staged those three words to unravel my yarn barricade of protection from "boys like him."
I gripped a black ballpoint pen as if it were his phone, since I could never inflict real farm on such a stoic shell. His reputation precedes him and I was a con's opportunity of a different hue. Benevolent and beautiful, but with wavering worth. Perfect.
The other pages were third person and self-righteous, so to turn to a prologue with depth was irresistible. It was all about the wait, like string lights on a timer.
Reminders hidden through seasons and capitalizing on tapered male relations. Withholding is the guilt-free gun that provides the same overall impact, but with the precision men of war exist on. A being that never actually thrives but survives on numbing. Substances, seductresses when simple and serving, and luxuries consumed until used up and tired. Then, his exhaustion fingerprinted with disinterest, shrugs off his fixation and falls to familiar once more.
He's more hollow than he allowed you to feel. Your erosion of feeling is a discovery that you too "see him." You pray it's for the last time.
Season: Winter 2020 Location: Salt Lake City, Fort Worth, and Denton
Although I love the chase of guys beyond my zip code and often timezone, from November to January of 2020 I took the pledge that I would give up dating to re-frame my priorities and... date me?
So, I let a couple more short-term-shorties into my messages and heart with the attitude that we aren't dating or pursuing each other and they loved the idea.
Yes, there was a dose of sarcasm there.... we have always been a culture of rapid consumption so waiting is .... well unique and foreign. Yet, I have Mr. Body Boost, Mr. Temporary 2 Step, and Mr. Type A Charleston that have made their way through the busted filter of not-dating-for-2-months-for-Jesus.
*rolls eyes* Stephanie!!! It can't really be that horrible being alone with your thoughts that you have to occupy your head space with temporary subject changes.
Welllllllll, in the order they were named, we began dancing the dance DatesandCakes is notorious for. I could perform the choreography in my sleep.
To be elaborated on...... soon.
Although my favorite Disney princess has always been a 3-way tie between Pochahontas, Mulan, and Belle, I have always wanted to be referred to as "Belle with her nose in a book." Even if someone somewhere just said it once.
I used to spend hours in the Mount Pleasant library, 4 minutes from my house, collecting travel books, cookbooks, and devotionals for rent. There was one time when I even felt the eyes from the security guard on me; not because he thought I slipped a book in my bag without checking it out, but with interest of some sort. Then again, it could have very well been in my head. ;)
Fast Forward to my library adventures in Texas post-heart expenditure: November 2020.
Heart Expenditure (noun): The state in which one's heart has let too many "potentials" in, only to be underwhelmed. In this datesandcakes definition specifically, it was allowing 4 guys into my heart space in the span of 7 months. If you're thinking the math doesn't add up, you'll be happy to learn that insecurity was my common denominator. All of them retreated and I was left with the wreckage of myself and my own undoing in November 2020.
Instead of living out the definition of insanity, I tried a new hobby to distract me from dating and breaking down. If you've ever sat in a room with me, you'd know within seconds that I do not. sit. still. So, reading novels has always been a struggle, even in school with AP classes that required summer reading. But, here I was, looking, hoping for something new.
- That's SUCH a compliment that you pegged me for a reader and a deliberate reader at that
- There's a reason I grabbed fiction murder mystery versus relationship/self-help reads... I want to know how it feels to see the protagonist continually put themselves in poor decisions and yet make it out alive; I know my mom and KC have both wondered that after reading or hearing about a handful of my craziest dates.
- Am I easily distracted? guilty. Am I a hopeless romantic? guilty. Have I self-sabotaged some of the good ones? guilty. Do I flee from comittment because I fear it could feel like a life sentence? also guilty. So.... what was that about me being innocent? ;) Wouldn't make for an interesting read or viewing (if tuning into the vlog) if I wasn't truthful even if it makes me look bad.... haha you should see me hungover!
- If you choose to ever pick up these INCREDIBLE reads, you will learn each woman has her secrets and stains that no amount of bleach could wash. I am not above this.
These books actually helped me realize how many of the guys I've dated are and will always be, strangers. I knew more about these characters and how they face fear, mortality, morals, integrity, and greed than the four from the pandemic.
But being totally shallow here (because deep down, we all have been at one time or another), these two titles scream some of my insecurities that lead me to date these guys that were not fit for me. AT ALL. I wanted to be a pretty thing on his arm and gosh, did I want to be seen. But the more carona cases reported, with maps stretched as far as the screen can capture, the more people I realize are out there that could be that match. Maybe my pretty thing is in Morocco and I've been too distracted with the wrong corners of the compass.
I'm alone and could not be happier.
.... I don't know if that's gasp worthy or cliche but.... today, at this moment while clacking this blog out, pressed against a heating pad when I should very well be asleep, I'm at peace with saying that. :)) The cakes will still be baked, the vlogs will still be recorded, and God knows the attention will still be yearned for, but I'm hopefully going to approach it better. Here's for hoping and for new hobbies!
Single Ole Bird Left With Pieces
- 6 Tablespoons salted butter
- 8 cups mini marshmallows
- 12 cups Rice Krispies cereal
- Non-stick foil
- A light-weight cup (I used a red solo cup)
- Cooking spray
- White paper
- Clear tape
- Tooth picks
- Reese's Pieces or whatever "stuffing"you want
Instructions
- Cover the cup with foil and make sure the non-stick side is up on that as well. Spray it well with cooking spray.
- Lay out a large piece of foil with the non-stick side up next to the serving platter.
- Melt your butter over medium heat.
- Spray a mixing spoon with cooking spray and stir in the marshmallows until they've melted.
- Remove pan from heat and stir in your Rice Krispies until well combined.
- Pour this mixture onto the piece of non-stick foil and allow it to cool for a moment or two.
- Working fast, divide the Rice Krispie Treat mixture so that there's 2/3 of it to make the body and set 1/3 of it to the side to make the wings and drumsticks.
- Starting with the 2/3 portion of the Rice Krispie Treat mixture, take a small amount of it and create a base about an inch thick on the serving platter.
- Place the cup on it's side onto the base so that open part of the cup is slightly off of the base where the turkey's opening will be so the majority of the cup is laying on the base.
- Build the rest of Rice Krispie Treat mixture around the cup to create the turkey's carcass with the cup in it's cavity (once this is set you'll be able to pull the cup out and stuff it with candy). Make sure the mixture around the cavity isn't too thin. Be sure to press the mixture in well so that it's not too loose when it dries.
- Next, take the other 1/3 of the Rice Krispie Treat mixture and divide it into four parts.
- Use each part to mold two drumsticks and two wings and set them aside and make sure you press them into shape tightly. (I kept these on the a separate pan lined with non-stick foil- keep in mind that you'll want to shape the wings so that the thinner back parts of them go up in different directions since they will be on either side of the Turkey).
- Cover everything with the nonstick side of the foil and allow it to rest and set for at least 30 minutes in the refrigerator (overnight is preferable).
- To make the bone end of the drumsticks, take strips of white paper, and fold them in half length-wise.
- Cut half way up along the fold every half inch or s and wrap it around the ends of drumsticks and secure with a piece of clear tape.
- Use toothpicks to carefully secure your drums and wings to the turkey (this can be a bit tricky and you'll need to rig it up the right certain spots depending on your drumsticks and gravity).
- Stuff the turkey with candy and serve birrrrrr birrr birrrr birrr birrd bird bird is the word.
An excerpt from DatesandCakes in the early days:
The Connection?
Since I haven't posted much since the last ache, this story is recovery.
- I was obviously, painfully not looking for anything else
- I was ready to shake my ass with no restrictions
- I was ready to pump my body with liquid courage that I didn't need
- I was dolled up and smiling with the bestie near by
Wait... what? Gave ya something to chew on, huh? ;)
Lol anywhooooooooooo
My eyes trimmed in coal mascara skimmed the bar. They came to a screeching halt when I read a graphic t-shirt that read: pizza planet.
There's something about an accent so thicc, I can spread on toast...
haha I HAD TO with the zillenial spelling of the word thick ;))
Well, this gent and I got to talking about interests and he said he lays pie-puh for work.
I'm sorry, what?! Accent so thick, I could spread it on toast! It was sweeter than the green apple crown he got me. Then, ADHeffingD Stephanie tuned into the Shakira song that the dj delighted the honky tonk with. Without missing a beat, this country stranger from Oklahoma got to see first hand, Stephanie in her natural habitat.
Breaking it down on the dance floor like I was back in Spain with that strong Reggaeton beat, I was in my element. Not quite a spectacle, but the Crown maybe told me a different story.
As soon as the genre changed to country, he, Mr. Other Accent of Honey approached me and spun me into a two-stepping spree. I have no clue what song it was, but I beamed. I loved it! A country nerd spinning and twirling me around in the moment like a bowl of whipping cream and powdered sugar.... foreshadowing. At some point, he asked for a kiss, but I told him this wasn't Hershey's.
As we turned, so did the clock and closing time was calling us home. We stepped outside as a group; him and his friend invited us back to their lake house, but before the invite fully dropped out of their mouth, I politely declined.
Mr. Other Accent of Honey turned his head, "Wool, ken I at leeeest git yur phoooone number?" <<<best phonetic imitation of this bearded Okie.
I slyly shook my head, with no fear of becoming dizzy. My bestie I suppose showed her sly side by slipping my number into his phone while I turned to look for our Uber. We parted ways with a smile and I knew that was the one and only time I'd hear that honey drawl and I was completely content. I kneaded that (like fresh dough on a floured surface). How simply our interaction illustrated that there are plenty of southern fish in the sea; some that are just here for fin and some that didn't belong in your part of the ocean anyway.
Actual footage of my heart:
- Measure equal parts of heavy whipping cream and powdered sugar in a deep bowl (about the depth you get with the wrong guys)
- Pour pure vanilla extract into bowl to your liking. Like the collateral damage, I hardly measure vanilla. Possibly 3 teaspoons, if I HAD to guess?
- Whip with a hand mixer until thicc
- lol. Ole fashioned hand mixer works better here than a standing mixer like a Kitchen Aid. To all the young bakers, I wanna shout, "Back in my day, I had to hold the mixer in one hand and stay in one place, which is a chore for a traveling girl like me. Oh and get off my lawn!" Just kidding! Gypsies don't have lawns lol
He was fine being in the background because he values his freedom more than his space; for him, they are not interchangeable. He wants his space to be consumed with bright screens, clouds of smoke, materialism, ammunition for verbal and physical jousts, and mentions of wanting a family.
The freedom is for the freaking. He was a strategist, apparent in his use of words and applications of compliments. He alludes to you being the "perfect woman" but, never the perfect woman for him. It's irrelevant if I thought we were compatible. Which, since I'm pouring this out... I didn't, point blank.
The timing was "just right," revealing "just the right amount" of what-you-wanna-hear while spooling the mystery. He never revealed too much, yet talked quite a bit-- especially leading up to the trip where he flew into my space, head, and fears.
In the countdown of the 2 weeks prior to him landing in Dallas, he strategized the physical aspect of our anticipated time together. After our first encounter, he revealed that he seldom speaks to girls that sleep with him on the first date. The double standard that he relayed through the phone enraged me and quite frankly, should have ceased future efforts.
I rebuttled with, "Shhyeah, like you weren't naked pressed against me. You wouldn't have stopped me if we did it."
"Probably not, but how am I to know that girl doesn't sleep with other guys on the first date?"
Rolling my eyes, I must have suppressed that red flag wrapped conversation because I entertained not one but two flights for our second encounter/date/rendezvous. The first one, I canceled because of Covid and another lust-interest that was pursuing me HARD.
He even went as far to make a bet with me of who would give-in first to sex. YUP, for $50. So much for reserving bets for noble steeds.
Am I so naive to scroll past the painfully sexual text messages to see what I wanted to hear and ONLY what I wanted to hear? Like the card game, I'm gonna call BS on ALL of it.
- us
- my person
- I see you
- how could guys treat you that way?
- you are such an amazing woman
- I can't believe a woman like you exists
- I'm not just trying to sleep with you, I JUST want to spend time with you
- Now all I'm missing is you
- I'm just living for the moment
- I want to see you again, but I'm not made of money *after buying a $400 hat*
- Sorry, I'm not ready to marry you
In no effort to be ironic, his dessert is a British breakfast and he is the closest person to Ron Swanson I've ever met. I give you, like the 3 home-cooked meals I gave him with not as much as a "thx bro,"
Fried Banana and Almond Maple Porridge
- 1/2 cup steel cuts-deep oats
- 1 1/2 cups almond milk
- 4 tsp maple syrup
- pinch sea salt; can't you see how salty I am?
- 1 tbsp coconut oil
- 1 tsp brown sugar
- 2 pinches cinnamon
- 1 banana (ripe, like the sting of this long-term interaction)
- 1/4 cup almonds (chopped suey like my faith in guys, again)
- 2 tbsp almond buttered-me-up
- In a sauce pan add steel cut oats. Bring to medium heat and toast oats stirring often until it they create a nutty aroma (3-5 mins). Then pour in almond milk, maple syrup, and pinch salt.
- Bring steel cut oats and almond milk to a boil, then reduce heat and let simmer. Cook oats stirring occasionally for 25-30 mins, or until cooked. Optional to add splashes more almond milk while cooking for desired consistency.
- Meanwhile, add coconut oil to a skillet and bring to med heat. Sprinkle pan with coconut sugar and cinnamon. Cut your banana in half down the centre and place cut side down on the skillet. Fry each side for approx. 30s-1 min, or until golden brown.
- Remove bananas from skillet and add chopped almonds. Toast almonds in skillet stirring occasionally until browned (approx. 5 mins).
- Divide oats between two bowls and top with fried bananas. Drizzle with almond butter, sprinkle with toasted almonds.
I selected a recipe with a fried topper to symbolize the flash-in-the-pan that we were. I'm sure he'd cringe at me referring to him and I as we. I'm still hot like the popping grease that I became JUST LIKE every other girl he's talked to. Gave it up, only to be left empty and loathing myself.
They say hate and love is a fine line, but I've never heard anyone apply that to themselves; I hate myself for letting him in (in all ways that apply).
After standing up for myself like this, I should've known, the crumble was inevitable--
Comfortable in your habitat, than i should've known better
Umm HELLO, why do you think Carmen Sandiego is such a successful game?
Why do you think "Where's Waldo" is a best seller with less than 70 words?
Most hearts race for a little challenge; it's an adventure sprinkled with thrill. Waldo might have already found me.... we'll see if this next one can keep up. ;))
"I think that one of these days," he said, "you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute."
-J. D. Salinger
Throw Back to Fall 2016 when the dating bonanza all started...
"Take down paradise and put up a parking lot" plays in the background
He took me on a walk-and-talk type date after early dinner in Southlake Towncenter. He seemed like such a genuine person and we had so much in common. A decent kisser and his height was certainly a plus. Mama always said find someone good to look up to. Come to think of it now... I don't think this is what she had in mind.
We scheduled another date in the heart of Fort Worth at a cocktail bar on Magnolia. I have to admit... I double booked that particular Saturday. Plans for an after party would open the floor for two possibilities: if the date went well, he could meet my friends, but if it didn't, I could dance the night away with my girls. I take back-up plans and exit strategies seriously.
THAT WAS WHEN I BEGAN STANDING UP TO GUYS. I'm not sure if it was more the fact that I hadn't received much attention from guys at this point in my 26 years of life or I just hadn't been involved with one's that I had to deem unworthy. Not that I'm putting myself above them but I'm building myself up by saying there's ways you don't deserve to be treated. It's easy to list Nicholas Sparks and Disney fairy tale expectations for how you wish to be treated but it seems a little dark to list things you simply won't tolerate. It wasn't easy or very empowering to say (in more than just words) that they blew their chance.... but, this was just the beginning.
Spoiler alert: the date did not go well. I mean, this is datesandcakes afterall.... usually the bad dates are the ones that make for the best recipe
The irony here that I claimed this (back in 2017 when I reflected on this dating encounter at the tail-end of 2016) is when I started standing up to guys. What happened? Four years later and I'm still getting tread on. My, my, my. History does repeat itself.
One of the times I looked back at him, I got a clingy, yet creepy vibe from him. It wasn't quite a stalker creepy vibe, but more than a Halloween spooky vibe. My bestie beckoned over the music, "he gonna bounce or?"
I never asked if she experienced the same discomfort, or if she was just reading my body language. I rolled my eyes in agreement, finished the Shakira song, and made my way, four strides to his table.
I forget how I got him to his feet, but I politely tried to convey that this date was over. I walked him back to his car as a peaceful parting. When I went in for a hug before leaving, that was when he grabbed me and kissed me. His left arm wrapped around the top of my shoulder and his right arm strapped against my lower back, locking his hand on my hip. I pulled away where there was about a head space between us. His lips moved toward mine as I tried to pull free from the abrasive hug. His left arm slid to my forearm and held a tight grip.
Trying not to panic, I shot him a look right before twisting my arm free. His right arm reached for my belt loop as my unsteady voice projected into the dimly lit parking garage, "Stt-top! Let go!"
"What?" He coaxed.
I lunged backward as I saw the eyes of a couple assessing the situation from a few yards away.
I nearly jogged away from his car stammering, "what the FUCK" under my breath as I zipped across the garage and back to the sidewalk in front of the bar that my friends were awaiting my return.
I was in disbelief. Utter disbelief that I just lived the beginning of a CSI episode, yet luckily made it out before they called in the investigators.
This was more about us both having alcohol in our system. This is a real risk of dating strangers.
He called me a week after the incident befuddled why I hadn't returned his call. After explaining my side, he refuted my words as sharply as he had refuted my desire to stop kissing the week before.
"You know what? I don't want to talk about this anymore. I didn't feel safe and I have to go," I spoke firmly and clearly. A smile crept across my face as I hit the end button and my screen dimmed. I exhaled. I was tired of "being polite" in uncomfortable situations. That call was the beginning of respecting and looking out for me. I had mastered dismissing the guy that put his social needs before me, and now for guy that puts his physical needs before me-- dismissed.
This girl is a fighter💪 in more ways than one.
I'm again, breathing heavily reliving this as I punch the ending of this encounter into my keyboard. My friends were there but there was nothing they could do. I was alone and he was the least likely (in my poor judgement of a call) to put me in a situation like that. I guess judging a book by its cover continues to teach its lessons...
This dessert could only be paralleled to:
Boxing Bagels
For the dough
- 1 tablespoon maple syrup
- 1 pkg. (¼-ounce) active dry yeast
- 1 1/4 cups warm water
- 4 1/3 grams bread flour*
- 2 teaspoons sea salt
- 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1½ tablespoons maple syrup
- 2 teaspoons baking soda
- ½ tablespoon salt
- 1 egg white plus 1 tablespoon water, optional
- 2 Tbs brown sugar
- 1 Tbs cayenne
- 1 tsp rock salt
- Prepare the dough: In a small bowl, combine the maple syrup, yeast, and water, and proof for 5 minutes or until foamy.
- In the bowl of a mixer fitted with a dough hook attachment, place the flour, salt, and the yeast mixture. Mix on medium-low speed for 5 to 7 minutes, until the dough is well-formed around the hook.
- Transfer the dough to a clean work surface and knead 2 to 3 minutes, until smooth and barely tacky, then pour in chips before forming into a ball.
- Place into a large bowl, cover, and set aside in a warm spot for 60 to 90 minutes, until the dough has risen (it may double in size).
- Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper, grease them very lightly with oil, and set aside. Flip the dough out onto a clean, unfloured, mat errr work surface and divide into 8 pieces. Form each piece into a ball by boxing and rolling on the countertop with a cupped hand. As you work with each piece through the next few steps, keep the dough that you’re not working with covered in plastic wrap.
- Sprinkle a few drops of water onto the countertop. Take each dough ball and roll into a rope about 9 inches long. Place one hand palm up so that your four fingers are centered on top of the rope. Fold each side of the dough over your fingers, so that the ends overlap by about 2 inches. (see photo above). Holding the dough, turn your hand over and roll your hand on the countertop to seal the two ends together.
- Place each finished piece onto a baking sheet. Dust the tops with a very slight amount of flour to keep the plastic wrap from sticking to the dough. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight.
The next morning:
Remove the pans from the fridge and let sit at room temp for 1 hour.
- Preheat the oven to 450°F.
- Place one bagel into a small bowl of water to make sure it floats. If it sinks, let the dough proof for an additional 30 minutes or until one floats.
- Prepare the poaching water: In a large pot, bring two quarts of water to a boil with the maple syrup, baking soda, and salt.
- Add 3 bagels (or as many that comfortably fit) to the pot, reducing the heat if the water starts to boil over. Boil for 1 minute per side. Transfer the bagels back to the baking sheet, flipping them over so the smooth side is on top. Repeat with remaining bagels.
- Prepare the toppings: Combine last three ingredients in a small bowl to give these a nice KICK
- Beat the egg white and water together in a small bowl, if desired. Brush the bagels with the egg wash and dunk the top of the bagel straight into the seasoning
- Bake for 14 to 18 minutes or until lightly golden brown.
Food is an art that draws me in with the aroma, colors, and presentation. The first place that came to mind when thinking of food I fell in love with was actually the food in the Salt Lake City... I just returned from a solo trip there (yes, even during new spikes in our Carona-induced world.... Dos Equis gets no love). I know this sounds like a crazy confession, but they had Venezuelan food, true Mexican mole, and great sour beers that they made in house! What more could you ask for in a mountain town? Well... it's near a mountain (or two).
Since I started in the states, it's only fair to mention the C'est si bon food that IS New Orleans; they probably have the best food in the country. How can I make such bold claims? Simple, I'm Cajun. San Francisco had great sourdough bread and baguettes. While we're here, I'll throw two more your way: Charleston has some great southern food and have revolutionized brunch. Then, Hillcountry and the metroplex in Texas has great BBQ, tacos, Tex-Mex, Mexican, and burgers.... "Put some south in your mouth" as the wise ones say...
Belgium has good food too! When I was in Brussels and Brugges, I just ate my way through those cities. This pastry was something we stumbled upon while exploring Brussels by foot. It was a cream cheese tart with middle eastern influence (we were in an Arabian neighborhood/district kilometres outside city center).
Prague did not disappoint with their fairy tale cottages of sweets. Unfortunately, their staff's customer service was no fairy tale.
Two words: STREET MEAT. Where? Budapest and Brussels
Culture is another delectable part of visiting an unfamiliar city. One of my favorite places is Toledo, Spain. It was inhabited by the Romans and then taken over by Iberians and then captured by The Spanish. You can see all the different influences across the city and heavily in the architecture. Toledo, Spain is actually where the phrase "holy Toledo" came from because it's considered one of the holiest cities in Europe. It symbolizes Roman Catholicism, Muslim, and Judaism. |
"Put a fork in me, I'm done!"
I'm going to continue to write and travel but fork dating for the rest of 2020~
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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