Hailing from San Diego, and a little wild, I give you: Mr. Go Diego, Go!This guy was beyond babyface-young. He opened up his mouth and I almost screamed. It wasn't as bad as him sipping on helium, but my voice was significantly deeper than his. As we learned a couple blogs back, Mr. Deserted certainly had a preference with voices and wanted to make sure mine wasn't too low. I never thought of the other way around. The boy was sweet. We started talking with a simple question....that I gave this ravenous response to. The depth of my words kind of poured out of me and I found myself apologizing in the next text. "Sorry, didn't mean to get so deep LOL." He responded with an equally intriguing response and enjoyed my honesty. The paragraphs of conversation continued and we eventually set up a date. I mean who could say no to tacos? Not I. He was from Cali and taught me this California ways. For example, locals never call it Cali. He made San Diego style tacos with fall-apart barbacoa meat. So delicious and tender. Kind of like him. What? LOL who said that? He made margaritas with some bottled mix I've never heard of but it was pretty phenomenal. Did half the mix, and half tequila. Two drinks in and I was feeling pretty great. He revealed he was part of only-child-syndrome and later let slip that he's about to start flight school back up and wasn't sure how much time he would have. Of course, I made mental notes. We also made a rum cake together and told him I'd just retreive my pan next time I saw him. Risky, but playful, I thought. The cake was luscious even though he was a bit of a baby about. "It's really strong," he whined. I rolled my eyes playfully as I knocked my hip into his. "Hey now!" He said flirtily, as he leaned in to kiss me . He took his time when he kissed me; I liked that. He put a movie on that we never watched and I found myself nestled to him in his bed, on top of the covers. "You make me feel... wanted," a statement I relinquished with no struggle. "Well good," he breathed. He started to drift to sleep, so I gathered my things. "Goodnight" he said, as he kissed me. Hardly walking me to the door, I walked 5 blocks to the visitors section of the well-lit parking lot. The song that played on my ride home could not have been more perfect. U2's "still haven't found what I'm looking for" poured over my ears and my recently kissed skin. "Yeah," I thought to myself. Yeah. Taking this dessert to GO. And don't expect to get your pan back....No Instructions needed: I knew what I was getting into trying to talk to a military 22-year-old. Woops.... ;)
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Boiled down to drops of polish,
Buffed beliefs and maneuvered morals. Hourglass frame of thinking Bow-tie entitled off the back of a boat. Wading in arrogance, for confidence drowned. Peripheral possibilities; stillness and seasonless. Loyalty to self: fairly bound to beauty. Sandbar depths, you're marooned. You priggish perch This guy fell short of the literary complexity of Dante himself, but did reference and compare me to one of Dante's labeled rings of hell. On a date at a Mexican restaurant, this older guy proudly pronounced himself a third-generation local. I already had a feeling we were doomed even for a second date, because I currently hate this great city he deeply loves. He ordered us two margaritas and we began sipping. They were probably the weakest things I've ever had, and if you've read my blog, you've stumbled upon several weak men. So this is saying something. He began talking about stereotypical first date items. It was almost like he was reading from an agenda. He even revealed that of the several girls he was talking to on the app, I had risen above. Smiling at the compliment, I did not indulge in the topic of his hierarchy in my dating pool. He was in there, but certainly not at the top. He did have a nice beard and held himself in a confident manner. I believe he had a good job, but it's hard to be sure when you're streamlining so many individuals at one time.... guess that's the result of bowling for dates: you'll find some unique flavors for cereal! We did have a pretty interesting conversation about narcissists... if you remember Mr. Disney/Magic Kingdom/Happiest Place on earth and Mr. Publisher and a few others... I have grave experience with narcissistic males in my life (even of blood relation). So, in a dark kind of way, we bonded on this experience over chips, salsa, and horrible karaoke that I should've taken shots to tolerate. Props to the "singers" for having the nerve to get up there but, to hear some Shakira renditions falling flat (literally) is more than I signed up for. The conversation and date continued and he denied having a vice. What? Buddy, everyone has a vice; even if it isn't a stereotypical substance, there's still one to be had. My personal vice? Chocolate. I'm low-key addicted but, we can talk smore about that another day.... Conversation continued. Once he delved into the career and future outlook topic, his language shifted to authoritative. Upon learning I was in no form-or-fashion in my dream job or dream location, he sat back with a stern look. It was as if he were a judge contemplating his next move, with no consideration of the jury. "What do you mean, you're not going to stick around?" I'm never deceptive with my intentions, especially once prompted and quite frankly, I refuse to die in Pensacola. There's SO much more of the world for me to see and I truly believe and live by the fact that you don't truly know a place until you live there. He turned to me and said, "don't you think that's gluttonous, Stephanie?" WHAT?!?!!?!? I took my stance on it and since he's a christian, I said, "God made this great, beautiful world and I fully intend on seeing as much of it as I can." "But, then you're never really satisfied with what you have....." I blocked out the rest of the conversation. I couldn't BELIEVE what he just accused me of. I will admit when I'm wrong or I have a problem (99 and he won't be one), but I assure God, Dante, and this dude I'll soon forget, that I have no gluttony problem with traveling and will continue to do so. I promise you that! PS. Later in the night, he invited me to smoke back at his house because he's "quite the smoker." VICE. Since he inferred that I should "fry" in the third ring of hell, I found these rhubarb fritters most suiting.This boy is something ELSE, down to the core.
https://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/making-fritters-monsters-fingers-rings/ After our magical date to Aladdin, he sent me these series of messages:So after a great date and receiving messages like this, I was pretty surprised of this Millennials inability 2 send a text message confirm plans. Saturday, I hadn't heard from him, so I reached out because, ain't nobody got time for that. Crickets. I called him later that night, leaving another date. Still crickets. Wishing I would have remembered at that moment his favorite phrase of what he knew he deserved. I went to bed and awoke to two missed calls and a text saying to meet him at the beach for breakfast. "It supposed to rain all day, I responded. So..." Going to the beach in the rain is the most fun, he practically squealed via text. Or at least that's how I interpreted it. You're pretty hard-pressed to get me to deny an invitation to the beach, so I was ready, suit tied, sunscreen lathered, and backpacked. He took me to a beach about 45 minutes away since it was more private and he thought he got the military discount. Apparently, when you're inactive, you lose that status. I laughed it off that he certainly not his uncle's favorite nephew. Like he's never heard of Uncle Sam joke before, he laughed. We stopped at a cute little seafood shop on the way to the beach since I was famished. This meal was kind of a game changer. He revealed not only does he have divorce on his books, but the girl immediately following the divorce, cheated on him. This was only revealed through her Clinic from an infection she received. Girl that's got to be the worst. He said he was clean, yet incredibly betrayed. This relationship ended in March or April. Kind of recent, but being as empathetic as possible, but then he hit me with the truth that he resided in Virginia. When the fuck were you going to tell me that? This is why I don't date military or recently inactive military guys. He's only here for 3 months for work training.That is some shady, shady stuff. So, after divulging this information a little hard to swallow, we proceeded to the beach. We had a great time in the water.... or so I thought. The over-analyzing, slightly hyper-aware side of me noticed that he didn't touch me...not more than once. He didn't swim closer than two feet from me most the day, but we had fairly consistent conversation. I certainly don't have the build to be wearing an itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini (nor have I shown my stomach like that near water since I was 13), but I'm not repulsive in a tankini (long two piece bathing suit). Well, he made me feel like it. It's kinda something I can sense... especially from someone not the least bit shy about conveying his surface values. 90% of the guys I know would have had no problem being closer than two feet from me in the OCEAN and wouldn't have discarded me because my body isn't a size 4. I know because following this date, I asked a couple of my guy friends to make sure. When he suggested we leave the beach, he suggested another adventure. Why does this sound familiar? Obviously, I was up for the challenge, even though my self-esteem was a tad low. I was curious if he was just saying it so I reiterated, "Hey, be honest. If you've had enough Stephanie for the day, no worries. I can just shower at home and chill." "No. Let's just reconvene. I'll shower at my house, you at yours, and I'll text you." Yet another hint he's losing attraction towards me. Guys that are into me, even the respectful ones, would have at least made a joke or suggestion about, I don't know getting a rub a dub dub together ( rubber duckie may be required). I knew then I wouldn't see him again. The ride home, he played Tom Petty and beamed saying, "See? I listen." Smiling, I knew this didn't change anything. Maybe it was something he did so his conscious would simmer down. As we pulled up to my house, he kissed me lightly and with no emotion. I didn't look back after closing his door. He just closed it on me, why bother? I wasn't surprised when it took him over an hour to text: "Not to be an asshole but, I'm just gonna stay and get food here." As my fairwell and reassurance to both myself and him that he did not break me and I knew I deserved honesty and values beyond skin-deep, I said: "oh! lol I've been in my pj's over an hour! When you make adventures, I just assume you're gonna renege ;P" I didn't expect a response, but he managed a: "Damn. Sounds comfy." Nothing like a blow to the ole self-esteem. I guess he couldn't handle that my hips didn't lie about the couple burgers and fries. Remember the crumbs from last night's post? Here's your use for Mr. Deserted. He deserted a Miss Dates and Cakes.... if only he knew I had the other s....
He was hott. Smoking hott. Tall enough to climb, well-versed with travel, a water and mountain enthusiast, and mysterious. He was drawn to my personality and humor and prayed it would be as lively in real life. How do I know this? He told me this multiple times, along with hoping my pictures were "accurate." I get it; no one wants to get catfished, but it doesn't stop here. He seemed to have an irrational fear that the girl he was pursuing wouldn't be "what he deserved." He revealed that the last three girls he went out with were 20 pounds heavier than their pictures. Okay... but my pictures were taken in Feb and March. Then, while on the way to the movies, after picking up our snacks per request, he called me to confirm the movie choice. Trying not to unleash my crazy before meeting him I calmly responded, "I mean... I know you already saw this movie, but you said you'd see it again because I was dying to see it! If you really..." He interrupted with, "no, I'm just making sure before I buy them." He continued the conversation, or tried to, and I told him he was cutting into my mom time and I'd talk to him when I saw him. He laughed the conversation off when I arrived, revealing his motive for such a call. "I had to make sure you didn't sound too much like a dude." "What?" I replied, "Are you serious?" I said slowly. "I know what I like, and I know what I deserve. Why would I waste either of our time?" Although this opinion held a skewed validity, it certainly put the sour in my mouth before even opening the gummy worms. Unable to hold my tongue to the blatant shallow focus, I said, "So, you were afraid I would be fat, afraid I wouldn't live up to my witty personality, and now was afraid how my voice would sound? Again, he reinforced that he knows what he deserves. I could think of a couple things he deserves oh, but he was hot, seemingly into me, and went to go see a Disney movie a second time just because I wanted to. Also, and it should be a given for anyone that has followed my blog this long, I'm hooked once they: already hint at a couple trips in the future we could embark on together. He began flirtily pushing my shoulder at jokes I made and kept his eyes more on me than the movie., at least from what I could tell the times I saw him. Quite frankly, most of the movie I didn't know he existed. Aladdin is my favorite Disney movie and I drank of every moment in that theater. Especially when he held my hand. I know that sounds simple and elementary of me, but he held my hand like he meant it. His thumb stroked the top of mine; his grip was tight, but not suffocating. I don't even know what color his eyes were. He put his arm around me and I nestled in. Near the end of the movie , spoiler alert! He looked at me and said I was pretty. Beaming like I'd imagine the moon was outside the theater, I sighed a Disney Princesses sigh. Oh, don't worry I'm not a spoiler ;)) You'll have to see Aladdin yourself. Following the movie, he divulged information about his family and what his mom was currently going through. One of my favorite things a guy can do is make himself vulnerable to me. I love learning about his past or his hardships. Emotional food for thought. It makes him relatable, it makes me purposeful because I'm empathetic and nurturing. Contrary to what some of the comments on this blog may say, it's a fact. I love being able to trust someone with things that are more than flesh. So in turn, I enjoy being that person someone can trust. He walked me to my car, all six foot four inches of him, and he kissed me. Our eyes searched the other for something at the same. He leaned in and kissed me again. Smiling, he proposed we go on an adventure, only he didn't know what. I rattled off at least six things. He squished his nose and said maybe he should head home since he has to wake up at 5 for work. "Okay," I replied. "Don't offer me an adventure and expect me to decline," I winked. "Do you want to do this again?" I pretended to think. "Of course," I said warmly smiling. "Sunday?" "Yes," I said. "I'll be free after church." "Okay, it's a date," he replied and smiled as I folded myself into my Honda Civic. Since this is going to be a two parter, all you'll need for this recipe is Oreos.
The circus adventure continues! Every circus has an artsy, more balanced side. This round of online dating walked the tightrope towards my attention... which do YOU think were successful?This pun-tastic conversation was with a past fling that only lasted two dates and then he chose the other girl in the running. Man, what a flashback to kickball team pickings: picked last every time, like a squishy grape lonley on the vine. But hey! I'm probably the most potent for wine! This guy has two blog posts and almost had a third when he invited himself to visit in pensacola... but then, unsurprisingly, bailed because This guy actually KILLED ME by this response because I was giving him a chance; he seemed like a sweet, sensitive type, but boy did I underestimate him. While engaging in casual conversation, he revealed that he is a writer. Eager to find a fellow word wrangler, I inquired of his specialty. Here I was thinking scifi or historical nonfiction-- maybe even comic strip teasers..... I was close: Erotica. I was pretty taken aback when I responded. Then he asked if I minded reading some since grammar is my thing. Ummm.... But, before responding, this girl turned it around to see if this was just a play from his playbook. YUP. He let girls he thought were "interesting" read his works. Then, this is where the conversation halted. ^^^ Marketing for his own creative display of "art." He now claims he was kidding but.... I could never be so sure. Tightrope walkers are experts on balance. To be continued.....Deleting, downloading, deleting, downloading and swearing it off doesn’t seem to last when loneliness or boredom knocks on my door. I’d love to boast and shout by the hairs of my chinny chin chin that I’m a fine independent woman that isn’t seeking digital or physical affection from a man. I’d like to say that I and focus on my career and avenues to success, but a liar is one thing I’m not. Sometimes my singleness hits me like a brick-house on a stripped pair of leggings. So what did I do? Download a dating app and here are a few of the hooligans I found. These are just the highlights..... Here's the circus animals; call me the ring leader.It always amazes me to what extent guys will go to to make things sexual. You know nothing about me, including the vitals like if I'm diseased, a cereal killer, or the antagonist from a horror film. All I can give this guy and the other "animals" spotlighted in this post is, at least they ARE being who they are. If you're a sleez, I guess show me now other than later. This guy already has TWO blog posts dedicated to him. He's still bitter that I deemed he wasn't my type. Remember the 80's themed party in Charleston? Thaaaaaat's him. This is, however, an accurate portrayal of how random guys' inquiry for nudes or solicited dick pics are sent. Initial response. Painful isn't it? I'm not gonna spoon these baboons, so they can make their own dessert. Ingredients: fruit loops/ring leader flavors and milk.Now that I've poured my heart into digital print about the are's, here are two examples a different are's I've come in contact with and attempted to date. This guy was not even my type. A bit young, a bit cocky, a bit goofy, but not in the super cute way. He requested a match with me and had a funny comment on his profile so, I decided to give him a chance. Immediately, I could sense that he was a skeeze and the conversation, turn to where I can invite my best friend to the date for us to get Margaritas. He was on his way out of town due to military orders and certainly wasn't looking for anything of substance. My best friend had just gotten her heartbroken and was certainly down for some free margaritas. I sent a picture of the two of us to him and of course he made some crude comment about a threesome or something. Then, he said, "You're *insert phrase here*"I continued to play his little game and just said, "we'll see when we get there." My best friend was fully content with getting the margaritas and bouncing. The day before our projected Margarita date, him and I begin talking back and forth. He actually seemed like a cool dude and actually was looking for a relationship, according to him... I don't know if anyone really means that anymore. He said we could visit him in Wisconsin when he moved and naturally, I was up for the cheesy adventure! He began fantasizing to me, via text about my best friend kissing him and the probability of him getting attached. But hold up, you messaged me here. Matched with me on a dating site. AND I don't even have a pic of her in my profile for this very reason and this is still going where I think it's going? Wait for it..... "This is where I'm really shallow... Youre cute and have a good head on your shoulders but I'm not super attracted to you. We couldn't be more than friends." Of little substance, this dessert is most suiting to last week's skeeze.Felicia's Frosted Flake Cluster F*ckSmall mindedness has very little substance, like 2 or 3 ingredients worth.
Upon fruition, with little effort and care, results into a sub-par dessert, suitable for those under 12.
She didn't trip and fall into love |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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