She was everything I kneaded. The way she was dusted with flour, light and soft to the touch. She rises to the occasion and reaches new heights; her only reservation is digital, with a 5:30 departure. Her citrus aroma reinforces the way she zests up another’s “normal life.” She is no ordinary broad; she stretches broad with her dough, emotions, and aspirations. I fear that while abroad, she’ll find herself broadening someone else’s palate. She has a flavor that drives even the most stringent dieter to indulge in excess. I cannot compare to other hungry hearts, but she refuses to accept that.
She was crafted with genuine concern and diligent hands that reach for famished fools, such as myself. She rolls with the pins when other consumers have flattened her. She doesn’t conceal the hurt from the others that never stayed long enough for the finished product. I sometimes allow that to affect my appetite. My words would never cast enjoyment of the fights we have… even though I crave them. There’s something about the way she looks in a frazzled mess, flour covering the kitchen, that keeps me close. But— abandonment satisfies more than carbs… at least that’s the case in my baked experience. Chains can’t stunt her growth because she is incapable of conforming. Her escape clause is written boldly in the recipe of her. She is painted with a smile and melted butter, a masterpiece but I’m no artist. She’s enough to make me melt but I refuse to portray such weakness. I have strength in goodbye and I never looked back… to her knowledge.
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Maybe epic scenes like this have glamorized our perspective on leaving.....Relationships, jobs, friendships, cities, states, countries, memberships, schools, churches, gyms.... the list goes on but they all have (well... had) one thing in common...They were a commitment we thought we no longer needed.The leaving always seems easier in that very moment the door is shut, the text message is sent, and the number is blocked. Feelings of relief, and sometimes inklings of confidence propel you to goodbye avenue... but is it really the ideal route? Regret whispers like a phantom in the wind, yet you shrug it off. You keep telling yourself "it's for the best," "God has a plan," "maybe just one more shot" or whatever keeps you in denial. Denial of you in that moment. You've heard the slightly cliche but a quote I can't help but enjoy: "it's okay not to be okay." I drink this up for breakfast, dipping cookies on the side. Leaving is sometimes a way to shield the other party (party hats not included) from not being okay. Sometimes leaving is away to protect the other entity from the incongruity storm in your life. OR, others may see it as running away. Leaving before the other leaves is a toxic mind-frame more common than you think: quitting before your job can fire you, leave an organization before you're required to recommit, or break up with someone before they see your true colors-- the nitty-gritty colors like punk green, burnt orange, dingy brown, and stale yellow. Leaving is like quitting Monopoly before you build any houses on your properties. It's like uprooting your tree before it bears fruit. Leaving is grasping control, staying is building endurance. Food for thought, Stephanie lol But lately, when I've engaged in the bold act of leaving, looking back, I've wondered if I ever really had the thing that I left.
Quitter/Leaving DessertWhen "the leaving" takes place, people are typically salty. So, I found it only suiting to do a sweet and salty combo because there's a ray of sugar in every situation. Oh, you disagree? Then carry your own personal packets of sugar, so you always have it on hand. I may or may not be advising from experience.
Simple as walking away (oh, the irony) melt chocolate and dip golden pretzel rounds half way. It's crucial to not fully submerge them because we're making a metaphor here. Stay with me. Let dry, or don't. Personally, I think they're best in the freezer. That's COLD If manipulation was wax, |
This person could be an old classmate, pay buddy, coworker, distant relative... or, my favorites are the people that remember you and you have NO recollection of their 3 to 11 digit noun literally designated as their identity. They could be your: dentist, best friend's ex, classmate from underwater basket weaving, , church organ player, or dare I say sister's best friend's cousin's roommate's dog mate's owner.
This slip of memory is inconvenient amid overall awkward but not as awkward as if you forget the name of the person you're currently on a date with and low-key trying to bone. THAT is your cue four this Destiny's Child track and an impromptu date with someone who will never forget your name...MOMMMMMMMM
Tonight's dessert features are pictures for you to name..... are you as sweet as mama told youyou were or so you have something in common with this.... 89-year-old in a 29-year-old body?
From right to left, top to bottom
1. Macarons
2. Churros
3. An English Cake, Battenberg Cake
4. Triffle
5. Tiramisu
6. Flan
7. Tarts
Mounting the low beam with a white-knuckle grip
The resounding thought: but what if I slip?
He looked at me, through a blond wisp.
Locks falling perfectly, like I have for prose
Vulnerably, I open a door that was closed
Padlocked opinions swelling within
Patience runs wild, as opposed to thin
Inverting his stance: his favorite rendition
Spatting with ease, a juxtaposition
He’s deliberately whimsical;
Both drama and musical
Parallel bars with perpendicular moves
Timeless Olympic discipline behooves
Dichotomies jarring and airborne-inspiring,
Clever commentaries with little perspiring
Beads of respect flirting with gravity
Sticks the landing — his epic reality.
Of the copious that "just wanted the cookie," I can assure you, there were some that I just wanted the patch.
And this will be my collection by next year. (Oh, and I earned every single one of those wrinkles too!)
I've received several of these where the bill came and the guy would say, "Oh it's separate." That's the same thing I said when they tried to take me to bed LOL not really...they never made it that far. I've had one patch after dinner that said "you got this?" Yeah he never saw the light of day with me again. Chivalry is not dead and... What can I say, I'm old-fashioned.
I did get the stand up patch.. I still remember it like it was yesterday. Waiting at the Frou-Frou brunch place with a long wait and the waitress smiling at me awkwardly with a half an hour wait. I was so embarrassed that I offered to pay for the two waters; she brushed it off and I slipped out of the back.
The southern bumpkin award goes to the guy that took me muddin' on our second date and got us stuck in a ditch for four hours. Let's just say, is nothing like a Jason Aldean or Brad Paisley song "with a little luck, we might get stuck."
I earned a bar fight badge… no not for me in a tussle, but my date almost got carried out by the cops. #truestory #alloftheseare #ain’tnoliarliarpantsonfire
Patch for a friends with benefits… surprisingly, I’m the one that called it off because HE caught feelings.
Patch for two guys in their 40’s. The substantial difference in maturity is elementary, literally. Apparently, someone can fall for the curves of your mind before the curves of your hips.
Patch for three (or more) 21-year-olds. I think it was a phase… they were cute and at least an 8 on the hotness scale and perfect for fun because Lord knows they weren’t after commitment.
Proud owner of three firemen patches. At the end of the day, they only wanted me to slide down their pole.
Dance Floor patch. I actually have two of these. One bought me a shot after meeting you on the Dance Floor, and the other kiss me on the dance floor and never asked my name. There's been many encounters in Dallas since my single spree , with dancing but I couldn't put a number on them if you paid me; I didn't expect them to go anywhere and they met my expectations.
Dick Pic Patches. Oh. So. Many. And none of them were warranted. NONE! (Don't worry, I'm not going to show you their patch)
Earned one PDA badge. I'm not a fan of PDA but this boy had some power over me where I just wanted to kiss him Wherever Whenever. Bars, restaurants, the beach, bookstores, sidewalks, laundry rooms, Parks, I think that's it?
Have a hurricane badge where a guy drove to me in the outskirts of a hurricane just to spend time with me.
I earned a family patch because one on outing with this fella, I met his sister, mother, church family (literally, at his church), and his 4 nieces.
I earned 3 pothead badges: Trees before guys that buckle your knees.
I earned an "I think I'm in love with you badge." I know every encounter and timing is different, but is it just me or is hitting on my best friend counterproductive to pursuing me?
Collecting patches since '1917
- 1 cup butter
- 1 cup sugar (plus additional amount for topping)
- 2 eggs
- 2 tablespoons milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 2 cups flour
- 1 teaspoon salt
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- Cream butter and the cup of sugar; add well-beaten eggs, then milk, vanilla, flour, salt, and baking powder. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour.
- Roll dough, cut into trefoil shapes, and sprinkle sugar on top, if desired.
- Bake in a quick oven (375°) for approximately 8 to 10 minutes or until the edges begin to brown. Makes six- to seven-dozen cookies.
I didn't begin collecting boys- I mean patches out of sport, the collection became a kind of coping method because there really are that many.... we'll say peculiar people out there not suitable for a relationship. Or maybe just not suitable for me.
I have a few patches from those far away. But distance made for one more reason why they wouldn’t stay.
Have two patches from guys I met on the beach. Wind in your hair and sand in your clothes was sure a fun thrill… but all two quickly was washed away with the waves.
Have a patch from the guy I met at a wedding who “got locked out of his hotel room.” Now Old Dominion’s “Hotel Key” has a new meaning to me. "She kept the hotel key-- slipped it in her purse I guess. It makes her think of me and the night we had..."
Have a few patches from guys with a boat. Some incentives aren’t enough to mask one’s attitude; their class went down with the Titantic.
I collected three patches from guys who went to church with me but but refused to convert from “singleism.”
I collected five patches from guys with unique names like Diamond, Kelby, Rocky, Brooks, and Dagen. No, none of them were strippers.. even Diamond.
My best friend, however did collect one from a stripper who refused to release his “dancing name” or the place he worked since it would be “a conflict of interest.”
Accidentally earned patches from cheater cheater pumpkin eaters… to add insult to injury, they are actually shaped like pumpkins. What an insult to the flavor of fall.
I earned the dog-dad patch… the dog will ALWAYS take precedence over any person. Don’t get me wrong — I’m an animal lover, but I don’t turn down two consecutive dates because “my dog was gonna miss me too much.”
1 stick Butter, cubed
2 oz. Bittersweet Chocolate, chopped
5 oz. Semi-Sweet Chocolate, chopped
2 tsp. Vanilla
3 Eggs
1 1/2 cup Sugar
3 Tbsp Cocoa Powder
1 cup Flour
10 Thin Mint Cookies, roughly chopped
Cream Cheese Topping:
1 brick Cream Cheese
1 1/2 cup Powdered Sugar
1 tsp Mint Extract
Green Food Coloring
Final Topping:
15 chopped Thin Mint Cookies
Preheat oven to 350. In heat resistent bowl, combine chopped chocolates and butter. Place over a double boiler with barely simmering water, stirring the chocolate and butter until they are both just melted. Remove from heat and set aside to cool.
In large bowl, whisk together eggs, salt, vanilla, and sugar. Whisk in melted chocolate. Add in cocoa powder and combine. With rubber scraper fold in flour. Lastly, fold in 10 chopped Thin Mint Cookies. Pour into a foil lined 8x8 inch baking pan.
Put it in the oven for baby and me! Oh, thank God I haven't received a baby patch from any of these dudes. Lawd help me!
Bake for 40 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean. Set on cooling rack to cool for 2 hours when done baking.
For Cream Cheese Topping:
In stand mixer, beat together cream cheese, powdered sugar, mint extract and green food coloring. Tint cream cheese to desired color. Place in bowl and refrigerate until ready to frost completely cooled brownies.
For Cookie Layer:
Roughly chop 15 Thin Mint Cookies. (http://www.countrycleaver.com/2012/03/thin-mint-brownies.html/img_6064)
Put it all together and what do you get? An refreshing treat, unlike the result of online dating. But have no fear... I'm not done yet! Stay tuned for "tomorrow, tomorrow. It's only a dayyyyyyyyyy aaaaaaaaaa-wayyyyyyyyy!"
On my honor, I'll try to collect as many patches while stitching my heart concurrently. Keep your vest colorful and your heart sew tight.... There's no such thing as a "full vest" so, just rip the stitches, avoid the snitches, and dump the bitches.
I'm not a hoarder of men, I'm a collector. This is a way to collect all the dates that, whether I like it or not, have affected me.
In effort to prevent dating burnout, I swapped my rose colored glasses for flower-power shades. When you’ve talked to at least 90 guys, it becomes a little bit of the game to harness the peace in these encounters. And I’ve yet to find love in this voyage, so I began a pursuit of variety with the colorful array of guys I’ve encountered.
Every person, regardless of their role in your life, or duration of their stay in your life, make an impact. The decree of this impact is contingent on your reaction to their impression. Micromanaging bosses can teach you to appreciate flexibility, while a degrading friend can teach you self-worth and standing up for yourself. Intimate relationships, even just the vulnerability of the first date, are no exception here… especially when I personally, have gone on 90 first dates.
I know, I know! 90 sounds like either I’m a hoe or I embellish my stories to make for an interesting blog post.. Neither of which are true. On a dating site, if you’ve never had the pleasure or sheer entertainment of doing so, there are so many faces and screen names that reach out to you. Sometimes for days, and some make it past the app and then talk with you for weeks. That’s how I easily got to the number 90. Of course that’s just a guesstimation, it’s not like I have a black book or anything of all the guys I’ve conversed with since my dating venture. My point? Just to walk you through a brief synopsis of the brands of guys a girl could collect on her Girl Scout vest. Think of them as patches….
I have several patches from the military. I can’t remember exactly which branches because there were certainly more than a couple. I guess that’s what happens when you lives in a big city and then you move to a port with the Citadel 15 minutes away.
I’ve honestly lost count of the number of encounters I’ve had with this military affiliates
I have a patch from blue collar workers. A carpenter, a man that built boats, and a construction worker are 3 that come to mind. Blue Collar men are strong and sweet.. for a time.
‘
Have a patch from a hipster but, that patch looks different (of course) from all the rest. It was a patch before any of the other ones were.
Have a couple patches from musicians… Something I can’t help, but something I know that doesn’t last with the shows and the bars and the girls.
Have more patches from bartenders than I’d care to admit. Drinking for free is only enticing for so long… Not to mention... THEY GET PAID TO FLIRT. I can't handle that kind of competition. Every sport I ever played, I was awarded "Most Spirited." .....If that illustrates my athletic abilities.
Have a patch from the five I met in the real world… you’d be surprised how rare those situations are in 2018. What I mean is, there were not encounters that began online. The remaining one hundred and thirty six were all online finds. Of course I’m being facetious! How on earth would I track the total number of guys I’ve met in the past 2 years?
No need to pout,
More from this scout tomorrow
Tagalongs aka peanut butter patties
- 1 box yellow cake mix
- 1 stick butter, softened
- 1 egg
- 1 cup chocolate chips
- 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter
- 1 (14 oz) can sweetened condensed milk
- 10-12 Girl Scout Tagalong cookies, coarsely chopped
DIRECTIONS:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 9×13 inch baking dish with foil and spray generously with nonstick cooking spray.
- Place cake mix, butter and egg into a large bowl, mix until dough forms. Press dough into the bottom of the prepared baking dish. Top with chocolate chips. Stir sweetened condensed milk and peanut butter until well combined and pour over dough. Top with chopped Tagalong cookies.
- Bake at 350 for 23-25 minutes. Let cool completely, cut into squares,
- claim to be a good guy
- perform some act or gesture to reinforce that claim
- and then eff it all up by letting their true colors bleed through
This can happen in any setting and to any extreme, really and is embedded throughout this blog that is 8 months old. That's roughly 8 months of encounters with people putting up fronts to get what they want. But Stephanie, are you really exempt from this... everyone wants something out of anything they put effort into, right?
Oh, you bet your chocolate chips I do! I believe though, and feel free to call me out on it if you disagree, but mine are never disrespectful. I would never ask anything of a STRANGER via text that I would be ashamed of my grandmother seeing. Now, don't mistake that for all my messages being grandma-friendly; there are been messages, with people I trust, or were in a relationship for a substantial amount of time, that would make a nun blush.
I'm reiterating the fact that if I don't know someone very well, I'm not going to say something to push the envelope or hokey pokey all over the line. This is especially true if this person provided full disclosure that they had a blog AND SUBSCRIBED.
....He even asked, "Why the screenshot?"
Well, I have to say, this is the first guy that has been featured as both a positive date story and a deplorable, degrading slum like the rest of 'em. Be sure to refrigerate these "healthy" cookies because, like "nice guys," they don't maintain their fresh-to-death-ness.
5 Ingredient Cookies
(1 for each finger needed to complete a virtual slap to the face)
- 1 large ripe avocado
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
- 1/2 cup chocolate chips
- 1/4 cup maple syrup
- 1-2 tsp coffee extract
- Preheat oven to 350.
- In a food processor, combine all ingredients and blend until smooth (like this guy thought he was). Make sure the avocado is completely blended... or maybe karma is chucks of this green veggie in your brownies.
- Spoon batter into a greased mini muffin pan. The batter will be VERY sticky (just like posting his last name would've been.... but boy, was I tempted).
- Bake for 15 minutes.
- Let the brownies cool (don't lose yours when a message like this creeps into your dm) completely before removing.
Vigilant to leave no page untouched
Quickly unearthing her as a brontosaurus
Rolling the word off his tongue, knowing
Her kind of peculiar is extinct; he’s clearly been warned
Lured deeper into her book’s spine
Her passion could supply thunder to a thunderstorm
No synonym could encompass her power
He’s quaking with delight; in purest form
He hung on the edge of her essence in print
The sensation of her crawling into his heart
Stirred infatuation, but just a hint
Her soul must be 72 feet in diameter
Because a blackout to her is just a tint
Light reflected in a different hue
Paralleling his past with an identical suffix
Visions of history they could craft together
Riding tandem, she’ll be his prefix
She’s an extinct roll of thunder
Ultimately, he’s desperate to be her fix.
When a guy that has previously ghosted you MONTHS ago (3+) and randomly texts you, "Hey you."
- Exhausted their options with other dating candidates
- Are experiencing sheer boredom
- Still have lingering feelings to some degree
- Are drunk beyond scientific explanation
This frequent occurrence is a party with a theme.
Playlist:
"I Knew You Were Trouble When You Walked In" -Taylor Swift, "Forget You" -CeeLo Green, "Fuck It" -Eamon, "Don't Want You Back" -Backstreet Boys, "I Don't Want You Back" -G-Eazy, "Upgrade" -Logic, "IDGAF" -Dua Lipa, "Leave" -Jojo, "Love Yourself" -Justin Beiber, "Skinny Love" -Bon Iver, "Don't Think Twice It's Alright" -Bob Dylan, "Someone Like You" -Adele, "Somebody That I Used to Know" -Gotye, "Irreplaceable" -Beyonce, "Like A Boy" -Ciara, "I Miss the Old You" -Blackbear, "Act III: The Reason" -Dennis Lloyd, and "Since U Been Gone" -Kelly Clarkson
Party Favors:
Mirror (for the answer of who is to blame)
Matches (to burn the bridge they think is still standing)
Megablocks (block you from entering back into my life)
Na Na Na Na.
Na Na Na Na.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Good. Bye.
Peanut Brittle is the PERFECT dessert for this kind of haunting.
- 1 cup sugar
- 1/2 cup light corn syrup
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 cup water
- 1 cup peanuts
- 2 tablespoons softened butter
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- In a heavy 2 quart saucepan, over medium heat, bring to a boil sugar, corn syrup, salt, and water.
- Once sugar is dissolved, stir in peanuts.
- Set candy thermometer in place, and stir frequently until temperature reaches 300 degrees F
- Remove from heat; immediately stir in butter and baking soda; pour at once onto greased cookie sheet.
- With 2 forks, lift and pull peanut mixture into rectangle about 14x12 inches; cool. Snap candy into pieces.
"Turntables in Her Eyes...
It's like a bad movie. She's looking through me."
She made polite conversation, but her body language was bold 12 point font. She even dozed off during their movie, to which he sternly suggested she stand up and "walk around." Sorry, what? Walk around her own house to wake up to be present in a date that she's not feeling?!
""I should actually go to sleep. It's 12:30 and I work tomorrow." That was the only response she could say without sounding like a complete and utter bitch. He wasn't really picking up on any of her non-verval behaviors. She was about as subtle as a giraffe, wanting to hit her head on the ceiling copious times until she learned her lesson for inviting guys to her house she has never met or seen a full-body picture of.
Slumping to the door, she beckoned him with her eyes. Moving from the couch, he managed to say, "Okay... Well, you were worth it. Will you walk me my car?"
They descended the medal staircase, screaming lawsuit, and crossed the parking lot. Before he could plant a kiss, she hugged him quickly and pulled away as if afraid to catch a cold or sickness he was carrying. He smiled and mentioned something about an official date, which she smiled politely knowing the reality of such a request. She walked back to her apartment with a brisk walk and slowed the conversation from there. Tables were turned on him....almost flipped.
Like the Girl Scout Cookie Box pushed to the back of the pantry, this one needs some TLC:
~Turtles, Truffles,
~Lemon Bars, Lemon Meringue Pie
~Caramel cookie sandwiches
The least popular Girl Scout Cookie needs caramel, pecans, and a chocolate drizzle to fulfill the "T" of TLC. It needs to be crushed and pressed into the bottom of a pie pan to be topped with bananas, pudding, and egg white concoction and baked to perfection into a meringue. This completes the "L" in TLC this lame cookie needs. Caramel in the middle to complete the "C."
He walked into her apartment, currently under external renovations, and made a brief introduction to her roommate. She offered him a drink, he declined and inquired of the restroom location. Back in a flush, he pulled her outside, "Hey... This isn't what I expected. I'm going to go. Thanks."
In other disbelief, she stood there just shy of dumbfounded. Walking back inside deflated, her roommate cooked her to go after and demand an explanation. "He owes you that."
Bolting through her front door and down the stairs, she bellowed "But why? Was it my appearance?" Her voice traveled through his ears. Pivoting his top half of his physique towards her, he responded plainly and walked out of her life as quickly as he walked in.
His words rang in her ears, "I'd rather not get into it."
Rather not get into why he unintentionally wasted her time?
Rather not get into why?
Rather not get into how she's not exactly what he expected whenever her pictures reveal exactly who she is when she was brutally honest honest on any phone call or text conversation?
Rather not make a recipe for even a mud pie for this dude that wasn't a ten himself.
Crush 22 Oreos of your chosen cookie flavor variety. Choose carefully before crushing as not to unnecessarily crush a cookie you won't like.
Combine with 1/2 stick of melted butter and press into pie pan.
Melt 1/2 cup of chocolate chips and mix with 1/2 can of sweetened condensed milk.
Everything is in halves like her night was.
Put the chocolate mix in the oreo pie crust and bake for 15 minutes on 325.
Rather not share it......
Author
Chef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart...
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