Dates and Cakes here addressing the fact that my posts have been sparse but not necessarily apologizing because, well, I've been distance dating. I've newly defined this word as:Distance Dating (v): The act of not actively dating but lapping up the attention from any potential suitor within reason. In order to engage in this act, you must meet the person organically or digitally without the use of a matchmaker ie: married friend set up, dating site, classifies ad, ect. Also, the person must not be convenient in literal distance from your residence, engages in drastically different extra curriculars, or is how do you say... "out of your lane" in terms of "leagues: There are several dating attempts that have yet to make the blog due to:
But what we do know.... is I definitely have not met my future ex-boyfriend. So many opportunities for bad, unsuccessful, unsatisfactory dates.... so, buckle up. Today's post though is for the connection casualties that caused damage. Unfortunately, since this happens to be my type, this new Carly Pearce song is dedicated to.... well at LEAST 5 guys that come to mind. I didn't love any of them, but a girl can dream... and my dreaming is astronomical. Hell-- I just got back yesterday from a solo trip to Cabo! AND I'm already kicking around plans for the next adventure. I like to think I'm getting better at this temporary thing. Sure, we live in a throw-away society but, never in my wildest dreams could I have placed myself in the same room as disposable. Middle school and college should have prepared me for that with some of the friendships that came to pass and quite frankly broke my heart. Alas, I continued to throw parts of my heart into things and encounters probably in 2018. 2017 was my first year dating around EVER. Single, cute, no kids, no divorce, and a listener? The possibilities were endless. The chase was riveting and my attention span matched the longevity of each encounter. It wasn't until I got tired of sharing my story (which had been spark-noted with a dose of mysterious) and wanted to be my quirky, loud self with one of the guys I was dating that I started to lean toward boy friend boulevard. Is it wrong to want to wear mismatching pj's, get hangry when dinner is delayed more than an hour, and belt classic rock on the radio when going on dates? Sigh. THAT'S what earned me some heart wear and tear. Sure, I've "learned" but damn, this "lesson" is a rocky road with no turn-around's. I'd like to say the forgetting is easier, because the goodbye certainly is. I'd like to say "next time is gonna-- I'm not gonna..." So, I'll continue to whip up datesandcakes vlogs and blogs and jump on planes (or out of them #adrenalinejunkie) and stay sweet. The hardest part is not SCREAMING that they are all the same.... because well, prove me wrong ;) Dedicated to: [you know who you are][Verse 1]
I am my mother's daughter I watched her with my father I saw it all, the good and bad Should've known better than that You found me at the right time I loved you from that first night Bet everything on what we had Should've known better than that [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known bеtter Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you'rе gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that [Verse 2] You sold me on a fantasy Damn it, it all felt real to me Thought you were the man in the photograph Should've known better than that Oh, I should've known better than that 2 [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that [Instrumental Break] [Bridge] Still some nights, I'm crying on the floor But I'm not sleeping in the bed you made, no more [Chorus] I gave you my heart, you let it go to waste You made me do the leaving and you made me take the blame Does it make you feel good, to make me feel bad? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better Than to break what you couldn't fix Boy, what a shame what you're gonna miss Why'd you go and do what you can't take back? Yeah, you should've known better, should've known better than that
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An excerpt from DatesandCakes in the early days:There’s a fine line between anesthetized and shattered. The numbness a girl can harness is safe, a way to wrap herself in protection from sweet, little lies. But it is so easy to let someone in. To feel something for once that’s deceptively beautiful. You can say you won’t let another one in— this time I’m going to “just have fun” or “date like a guy and keep the emotion out of it” but, is that ever reality? Can you ever truly leave emotion out of it when you’ve made that connection? I wrestle with this every dozen guys or so. I say this so casually because connections are rare in the perfect amount: not too scarce but not easily tangible. So, upon discovering said connection, a rush tingles through your fingertips and now there’s a difference when his name flashes on your phone versus the others. But don’t underestimate the importance of “the others.” These play a part when this temporary “connection” pulls away. When he fades like just another sunset, you’re not alone. It’s a shallow kind of comfort but the heart becomes desperate when struck. This wrapped with a warped confidence that you’re worth it keeps you warm through another night… well, warm enough—it’s not “him” after all. But don’t be naive enough to think you’re the only operator harnessing the secret weapon of “others.” Your “connection” not only has “others” but, there’s a chance you’re one of his. I know, that stings. Isn’t infatuation fun? The Connection?Appreciation is a thing that should be constantly brought to the surface. THIS scene from PInk Panther (the remake of course, no Peter Sellers but, good none the less) is a joy, along with this epiphany I made about "the others." Since I haven't posted much since the last ache, this story is recovery.
This guy strolled up to the bestie and I stood beside her, like a shiny new pack of gum, peaking out of her purse. Wait... what? Gave ya something to chew on, huh? ;) Lol anywhooooooooooo My eyes trimmed in coal mascara skimmed the bar. They came to a screeching halt when I read a graphic t-shirt that read: pizza planet. Instantly let my nerd show and sparked a conversation about it. My intention was to escort myself to the dance floor after that quick Disney convo, but he SO HAPPENED to be the friend of the guy talking to my bestie. AND he had a country accent so thick, my feet seemed stuck right beside him. There's something about an accent so thicc, I can spread on toast... Like another round of shutdowns in 2020, I'm back! .....too soon... Well, this gent and I got to talking about interests and he said he lays pie-puh for work. I'm sorry, what?! Accent so thick, I could spread it on toast! It was sweeter than the green apple crown he got me. Then, ADHeffingD Stephanie tuned into the Shakira song that the dj delighted the honky tonk with. Without missing a beat, this country stranger from Oklahoma got to see first hand, Stephanie in her natural habitat. Breaking it down on the dance floor like I was back in Spain with that strong Reggaeton beat, I was in my element. Not quite a spectacle, but the Crown maybe told me a different story. As soon as the genre changed to country, he, Mr. Other Accent of Honey approached me and spun me into a two-stepping spree. I have no clue what song it was, but I beamed. I loved it! A country nerd spinning and twirling me around in the moment like a bowl of whipping cream and powdered sugar.... foreshadowing. At some point, he asked for a kiss, but I told him this wasn't Hershey's. As we turned, so did the clock and closing time was calling us home. We stepped outside as a group; him and his friend invited us back to their lake house, but before the invite fully dropped out of their mouth, I politely declined. Mr. Other Accent of Honey turned his head, "Wool, ken I at leeeest git yur phoooone number?" <<<best phonetic imitation of this bearded Okie. I slyly shook my head, with no fear of becoming dizzy. My bestie I suppose showed her sly side by slipping my number into his phone while I turned to look for our Uber. We parted ways with a smile and I knew that was the one and only time I'd hear that honey drawl and I was completely content. I kneaded that (like fresh dough on a floured surface). How simply our interaction illustrated that there are plenty of southern fish in the sea; some that are just here for fin and some that didn't belong in your part of the ocean anyway. Even though sometimes foundation is the goal, a dollop of fun that can even be bought out of a can Actual footage of my heart:This "other" showed me that I should whip those feelings of regret with the last country boy with a honeysuckle accent that also tangled me up on that same dance floor. Life is dolloped with sweetness that many times, isn't meant to last. That's the art to its sugar. Like any dessert on datesandcakes, it's sweet while it lasts but, the tray of brownies will eventually deplete or grow stale. It's the memories made while preparing these brownies and the time they borrowed and impression they made.... even if it landed on your hips ;)) Others' Whipped Cream
You Only Live Once (YOLO) so 2 years talking and 4 days in my bed and he's "just living for the moment."Mr. Fine Lines is a guy that I thought was special since he picked me over my bestie through Snapchat. He kept contact throughout the course of three homes I packed and unpacked through and through 2 1/2 boyfriends. Sidebar: It's not that "the 1/2" was half a man but, he was someone I was kind of serious about but declined his request to become his girlfriend. He was fine being in the background because he values his freedom more than his space; for him, they are not interchangeable. He wants his space to be consumed with bright screens, clouds of smoke, materialism, ammunition for verbal and physical jousts, and mentions of wanting a family. The freedom is for the freaking. He was a strategist, apparent in his use of words and applications of compliments. He alludes to you being the "perfect woman" but, never the perfect woman for him. It's irrelevant if I thought we were compatible. Which, since I'm pouring this out... I didn't, point blank. The timing was "just right," revealing "just the right amount" of what-you-wanna-hear while spooling the mystery. He never revealed too much, yet talked quite a bit-- especially leading up to the trip where he flew into my space, head, and fears. In the countdown of the 2 weeks prior to him landing in Dallas, he strategized the physical aspect of our anticipated time together. After our first encounter, he revealed that he seldom speaks to girls that sleep with him on the first date. The double standard that he relayed through the phone enraged me and quite frankly, should have ceased future efforts. I rebuttled with, "Shhyeah, like you weren't naked pressed against me. You wouldn't have stopped me if we did it." "Probably not, but how am I to know that girl doesn't sleep with other guys on the first date?" Rolling my eyes, I must have suppressed that red flag wrapped conversation because I entertained not one but two flights for our second encounter/date/rendezvous. The first one, I canceled because of Covid and another lust-interest that was pursuing me HARD. He even went as far to make a bet with me of who would give-in first to sex. YUP, for $50. So much for reserving bets for noble steeds. Am I so naive to scroll past the painfully sexual text messages to see what I wanted to hear and ONLY what I wanted to hear? Like the card game, I'm gonna call BS on ALL of it.You teased me with words like:
Your finale wouldn't be complete without:
His actions conveyed he dreaded a relationship with me since my plans, like most living in this pandemic, are not etched in ink. This is contrary to his words in a prior conversation about an ex-interest of mine that has now deemed himself pan-sexual. Mr. Fine Line got slightly heated and used choice words about such an arrangement. He stressed that it should be just you and your person. Then, in person, he exhibited macho status when Since he was all about things being "just right" and him "not wanting to share" yet he could be active on dating apps In no effort to be ironic, his dessert is a British breakfast and he is the closest person to Ron Swanson I've ever met. I give you, like the 3 home-cooked meals I gave him with not as much as a "thx bro," |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
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