Season: Winter 2022 Location: Denton, TX How I broke my own rules, thus breaking my own heart: 11. Who I became while fighting with him is someone I didn't recognize. "New 'tude, who dis?" I started raising my voice, became prideful, and was much sassier than all my teenage years combined. 12. My other rule was allowing a guy to yell at one of my friends.... even he yelled at her first. Ummm... that rule seems a little.... guh, maybe my lack of rules broke my own heart 13. Second guessing my phrasing is a reflection of him... I'm driven almost 110% by emotions so I don't second guess many of my words, they encompass me almost instantly and dive from my little lips. Proof God has a sense of humor by giving such a chatty Kathy tiny lips. But, during "the end" he continually used my words against me swearing my phrase was x verbatim. First I fought back and then I apologized for making him feel that way, coming off that way, or racking my brain how I could have said something I had little recollection or intention of. 14. Repetitive guilt plauged me in our last phone conversation. Guilt for my actions, inaction, feeling I had to remedy and take accountability for errrything. Yet he only took accountability for raising his voice at my bestie and for "being playful" with the naked comment.
Proof I didn't guard my heart even when the music was undeniable; you can't mistake Nickelback. Lol. I rooted for his basketball team Friday while at my favorite live music bar in Charleston. Sure, he's haunted my dreams and no other guy is even remotely appealing right now So with the Nickelback playing, I reached back out and swallowed my pride (I'm sure he was wondering if I did). He made me feel like he was doing ME a favor to listen to my apology in person. His hesitancy was 5 claws to the leg from a black cat you were just paying genuine attention and affection to. What the... French toast?! So again, I'm going to take myself out and I guess get back the respect for myself I lost. And get a vlog readyy. Lights... Maybe because I lost my center for a bit. Haha understatement of the year. Yes, I'm aware it's still the first month of 2022. I did things so out of character for me (constant texting like a 13-year-old with a pink Nokia and staying home from the club) and I need to get back to building itineraries instead of fantasizing roots. I'm no tree, I don't do that. I need to learn when to leaf well enough alone.... we know hpw datesandcakes loves a challenge.
0 Comments
I'm attracted to accents, beards, height, humor, and unfulfilled potential. The last of these is the one that gets me into trouble.... and quite possibly earns me a fraction of these datesandcakes stories.In no way am I saying these guys are not "doing the damn thing" we call life and looking good doing it. What I'm saying is, I look at each one of these guys as what they could be to me and what we could be together. Selfish, right? Instead of basing it off their arrangement of words, gestures, and follow-through (or absence of follow through). I lust over the story-- "our story" that we could tell others how we met. I live for the chase and impossible situation that only we together could make possible. I pretend that time-zone conversion will be a conversion of the soul. Okay... that one was too far. Probably 96% of what is manifesting between this guy and I, (whether it's been 2 weeks or 3 days) is sheer fantasy. This is not to be confused with the perfume, Fantasy by Brittney Spears, who is free now. YOU GO GIRL; 2007 is finally over for you! I make assumptions and expectations with absolutely no scientific evidence. Ones like:
I figured a baker's dozen is a good place to stop ;)) You can't read between lines that aren't even drawn in the sand. Number 11 and 12 are probably the biggest jokes of all, at least lately.... It's like I didn't understand science or the scientific method AT ALL. Stephanie, your hypothesis is continuously wrong!
I'm so consumed with the beauty of what it would mean to be a beautiful structure that people from every land marvels at, that I ignore the lack of building materials, motivation, or color to make such a relationship happen. I lose sense of reality for a little bit and act like Dorothy or Alice, allowing only my imagination and shiny things to guide me. There's been SO manyyyyyyy examples of this in my "dating." The current shut-down status of the world begged for the quotation marks because it seems globally we are shutting people out since life as we know it has shut down and rerouted our day-to-day existence. I cannot tell you the last time I actually felt like I "dated" someone. Seems lonely, but is only at times I'm not pushing myself for better. Actually, datesandcakes' science of attraction and downfall of all the connections I've had in the last year (let's not bite off more than we can chew ;) could really be summed up to one painful truth. It's a personal problem. As arithmetic taught me, I'm the common denominator! So, here's to working on me and maybe my next hypothesis will be have some ground to stand on.You hear the man! And what better pair of flavors that exude the "laws of attraction" than.... (drum roll please)Don't be peanut butter and jealous... as always, I share the recipe. I will say, that picture was for comedy purposes and this is the one DatesandCakes will be making:
When they didn't seem to savor their first slice.I thought some of these connection casualties would have left me empty, like a "shell" of a person.... Turns out, they were just shell-fish and now are new additions to "crusty" remains of relationships that could have been. You know what the ball of painful puns means.... |
AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
April 2022
Categories
All
|