All the definitions of fear are still spinning a web in my mind, with the intention of catching my hope and devouring it whole. It's dark and I grow weary with the past lurking beside me and not behind me, where it belongs. "Black rain" pours as risk quickly outweighs any foreseeable excitement. I cannot hear the rain, for it is drowned out by the raspy crackle of a voice-- my voice saying, 'You'll never amount to anything.' The "sense of panic" isn't ignorance, but homelessness to confidence or even just stability. There's not one thing for me to misunderstand, it is all unknown; it is all misunderstood. I succumb to the helplessness, unable "to protect those that I love" or even pull my head above darkness. But the lack of light is not what I fear... it's the "unfulfilled potential" tangled through the web still being spun before me. The fears we don't face become our limits." -Robin Sharma I read a quote from some famous name, infamous to me. Trying to drown out my senses still grasping for 20 different petrifying definitions of fear, I manage to grab something familiar. My hands caress the handle of the mixer's body. My fingers meander to the lid, removing it and revealing a sharp purpose. My nose led me to something minty, tempting me to refresh my current mood. Using the side of the blade to easily glide through four plastic sleeves, 38 cookies rolled onto the laminate counter-top. The familiar smell of Thinmints graced my nose, tickling my taste buds. Mouth watering, I scooped the cookies carelessly into the blender's body and replaced it on the power source foundation. The sound of the cookies shredding to rubble was too close to home. Ripping the plug from the wall, I fell to the floor. A peppy English Bulldog pounced in my lap, not hesitating to lick my cheeks where she has found salty tears before. But no tears fell, just silence and stillness. The Bulldog bounced and whined for attention but I just sat in my statue stance. Bored with the lack of affection, the Bulldog jumped out of my lap as quickly as she jumped in. A great sigh rattled my chest as movement began to churn in my body. I made my way to hands and knees and then returned to standing over blender holding the half crumbled cookies. I tried to think of the cheesecake at the end of the tunnel, because why occupy your mind with light when there are lamps and such for that? The clock laughed that I couldn't send the cheesecake to the 350 degree haven before my roommate returned from her taxing job. I laughed back and replaced the plug. Pulsing the remaining Thinmint shambles as quickly as I could, my hands reached for a salted stick of butter, as cold as the air condition allowed. Melting the fear of leaving familiar and the stick of butter, I unscrewed the lid to the blender. The familiar in this case is graham cracker crumbs or in a special occasion Oreo's. I refuse to permit graham cracker crumbs or the fear to fall for another hopeful to prevent me from obtaining the best possible sweetness. The unattainable happiness that is a Thin Mint crust with a classic cheesecake and a chocolate chocolate ganache is attainable with hope and trust and pixie dust.... and a Ninja. Even though I don't have a recipe. Stirring my strength to quiet the internal raspy chants "you're still worthless," the butter and cookie crumbs came together beautifully. Like a baker with a kitchen show, I proudly revealed prepared cheesecake batter in a tall stainless steel mixing on the top shelf of the busy fridge. Calmly pouring it atop the experimental crust, I noticed the oven was already preheated. Sliding the potential for greatness it into the oven, a key turned in the front door. I smirked at the clock because even with a room full of fears, I managed to make my deadline. Sweetness. The eloquent combination of a cookie with a chocolate blanket
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AuthorChef Steph cooking up trouble. If she can't find anything real, she bakes real good sweets. Chocolate really may mend a broken heart... Archives
April 2022
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